Thursday, April 07, 2011
♥ It's been a while...
Knowing me in the world of blogging, I RARELY update my blog weekly or monthly let alone daily. Have I grown out of my own hobby or there is no more drive of passion? I can't answer that. I also have observed the 'disappearance' of the bloggers that I usually have to stop by every single day reading their ramblings and thoughts as if they are like my daily newspaper. Names like JavardKent, the late Emy(I grew close with her in the virtual world and never got to meet her in person), Laydiefa (she rarely writes now and a few others that I can't recall.
Maybe my writing is not as interesting but actually this blog is only for me letting out steam when I am under stress or to share my feelings with others that will not judge me. It is an open media for anyone to read and either agree or disagree with the ramblings let out.
I know that I have change and age factor is one of the factors influencing the lack of writings in here but people always change. That is the fact of life. Bestfriends can become enemies in a blink of an eye. That is how it is. However bitter it may be, but that is the truth.
I am just hoping for the best yet to come.
Maybe my writing is not as interesting but actually this blog is only for me letting out steam when I am under stress or to share my feelings with others that will not judge me. It is an open media for anyone to read and either agree or disagree with the ramblings let out.
I know that I have change and age factor is one of the factors influencing the lack of writings in here but people always change. That is the fact of life. Bestfriends can become enemies in a blink of an eye. That is how it is. However bitter it may be, but that is the truth.
I am just hoping for the best yet to come.
Labels: Life, Miscellaneous, Random ramblings
Am i really never good enough for you?
2:14 PM
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2:14 PM
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Tuesday, November 16, 2010
♥ Happy birthday...
Today is a big day. Today is a happy day. Today is a special day for my BEST friend ever. Who knows me really well and who has been there for my ups and downs. Nothing else I'd ask for but just being there and accompanying me for the rest of my life.
I know it sounds weird. But I do acknowledge myself as my own best friend as I always talk to myself and cry by myself and I would self-sooth myself. And when I am down, I would give motivational words to my own self and sing The Climb to myself.
Thank you for helping me grow wiser and accept things as they are and being there for me. Happy birthday Attiesya!!
I know it sounds weird. But I do acknowledge myself as my own best friend as I always talk to myself and cry by myself and I would self-sooth myself. And when I am down, I would give motivational words to my own self and sing The Climb to myself.
Thank you for helping me grow wiser and accept things as they are and being there for me. Happy birthday Attiesya!!
Am i really never good enough for you?
11:18 AM
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11:18 AM
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Monday, October 25, 2010
♥ Sepi (Loneliness)..
I have watched Sepi a dozen of times and the film never fails to make me cry especially the ending of Sufi's story. I don't know why, but it kind of touches my heart in a way that I can relate to the story. As if it is a part of my life.
One part of the dialogue that I like is the part where Sufi (played by Tony Eusoff) says to Marya (played by Eja) - kenapa dalam beribu orang di dunia kita dipilih untuk bertemu tetapi tidak untuk bersama? (why is that in the thousands of people in the world, we are chosen to meet but not destined to be together?). It keeps me wondering the wonders of the world and why God chooses some people to meet just for the sake of meeting new people and fall in love with others. And it also keeps me wondering when will I find the person that I am destined to be together. But I truly know that He knows what's best.
Anyway, I really love the poetry in the play that Sein recites.
Bisikku pada bulan (I whisper to the moon)
Kembalikan temanku, kekasihku, syurgaku (Return me my friend, my lover, my heaven)
Tanpa dia malam menemaniku (Without her, the night accompanies me)
Sepi memelukku (Loneliness envelopes me)
Bulan jangan biar siang (O moon, don't turn the night into day)
Biar alam ini kelam (Let the world be blurred)
Biar ia sepi (Let it be lonely)
Sepertiku (Like me)
One part of the dialogue that I like is the part where Sufi (played by Tony Eusoff) says to Marya (played by Eja) - kenapa dalam beribu orang di dunia kita dipilih untuk bertemu tetapi tidak untuk bersama? (why is that in the thousands of people in the world, we are chosen to meet but not destined to be together?). It keeps me wondering the wonders of the world and why God chooses some people to meet just for the sake of meeting new people and fall in love with others. And it also keeps me wondering when will I find the person that I am destined to be together. But I truly know that He knows what's best.
Anyway, I really love the poetry in the play that Sein recites.
Bisikku pada bulan (I whisper to the moon)
Kembalikan temanku, kekasihku, syurgaku (Return me my friend, my lover, my heaven)
Tanpa dia malam menemaniku (Without her, the night accompanies me)
Sepi memelukku (Loneliness envelopes me)
Bulan jangan biar siang (O moon, don't turn the night into day)
Biar alam ini kelam (Let the world be blurred)
Biar ia sepi (Let it be lonely)
Sepertiku (Like me)
Labels: Life, Movies, Random ramblings
Am i really never good enough for you?
12:12 AM
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12:12 AM
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Friday, October 22, 2010
♥ Stress effects...
This is what I hate about stress. These couple of days (more like a week plus) have been stressful - in terms of work and personal life. I have been known (to myself that is) to overindulge in food to find comfort when having been stressed out. And guess what? I have gained a couple of kilos which took me weeks (nearly months) to shed! I hate this feeling!
I kind of noticed it when my body does not want to function efficiently as before after that first incident. And guess I was right!
Urgghh.. come to think about it, I hate myself for being weak. Will have to cope with it sooner or later. Better be soon.
I kind of noticed it when my body does not want to function efficiently as before after that first incident. And guess I was right!
Urgghh.. come to think about it, I hate myself for being weak. Will have to cope with it sooner or later. Better be soon.
Labels: Life, Random ramblings
Am i really never good enough for you?
10:39 PM
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10:39 PM
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Thursday, October 21, 2010
♥ Using your rage to something good...
I know that my last entry is about me feeling tired. I still am. After that entry, I went to the usual place doing the usual thing and bumped into the person I've been feeling tired of. And guess what? Upon seeing me approach, that person just stopped the usual activity and went off! I mean abruptly and not planned beforehand. And it looked like that person stopped because of me! The thing that I don't understand is that I've done NOTHING wrong and have actually done NOTHING at all. But it seems that that person is pissed or have something against me.
The attitude kind of got into me and made me feel angry and very frustrated. I mean, REALLY frustrated! And I was swearing under my breath and felt the urge to kick and punch that person! I wished that the person was in front of me so I could do those things - kick and punch that person. But unfortunately that person was not there. In the end, because of feeling full of rage and fury, I kind of built this strength and did what I usually do with full of energy. And letting the steam out like that feels so damn good. And I felt relieved instantly. But I did cry myself to sleep that night wondering why do I feel guilty if I didn't do anything wrong? And after releasing the rage and fury plus shed a few tears (buckets actually, but thinking about it now, it wasn't worth it), I slept like a log!
The main point is, if you have any feelings that you would like to let go, go do something that you like. the unwanted feelings (especially rage and fury and tension) will make you stronger and push you to the limit. and you'll absolutely feel better instantly.
The attitude kind of got into me and made me feel angry and very frustrated. I mean, REALLY frustrated! And I was swearing under my breath and felt the urge to kick and punch that person! I wished that the person was in front of me so I could do those things - kick and punch that person. But unfortunately that person was not there. In the end, because of feeling full of rage and fury, I kind of built this strength and did what I usually do with full of energy. And letting the steam out like that feels so damn good. And I felt relieved instantly. But I did cry myself to sleep that night wondering why do I feel guilty if I didn't do anything wrong? And after releasing the rage and fury plus shed a few tears (buckets actually, but thinking about it now, it wasn't worth it), I slept like a log!
The main point is, if you have any feelings that you would like to let go, go do something that you like. the unwanted feelings (especially rage and fury and tension) will make you stronger and push you to the limit. and you'll absolutely feel better instantly.
Labels: Life, Miscellaneous, Random ramblings
Am i really never good enough for you?
2:08 PM
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2:08 PM
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Monday, October 18, 2010
♥ I am tired...
I've always been very optimistic when it comes to feelings. Lately I noticed that I kind of turned to be a stalker without any intention. Well, yes in my heart, I want to be noticed. And I kind of have this feeling that sometimes things or the behavior portrayed is as if trying to make me notice it. But as I know my own self better, I have put it aside. Getting my hopes soaring high and then it vanishes in thin air, making me fall and hit rock bottom is extremely painful. That is why I seldom let myself get too deep in feelings. And that is also why some people will say that I look very 'fierce' and serious.
These couple of weeks, I have kind of developed the uneasy feeling again. And I kind of felt like I turned into a stalker. But thinking about it back, not all the time. I mean, accidentally I found out things. Not that I was desperately looking for it. It just came into the picture as if knowing about my feelings. It felt like I was destined to find those things.
But now, I just feel worse. And I am blaming myself for this feeling. What I can say is that I am tired. Just plain TIRED.
Tired of waiting.
Tired of wanting.
Tired of hoping.
Tired of wishing.
I am leaving it all to what fate has destined for me.
This matter is just as Coldplay's Fix You -
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
These couple of weeks, I have kind of developed the uneasy feeling again. And I kind of felt like I turned into a stalker. But thinking about it back, not all the time. I mean, accidentally I found out things. Not that I was desperately looking for it. It just came into the picture as if knowing about my feelings. It felt like I was destined to find those things.
But now, I just feel worse. And I am blaming myself for this feeling. What I can say is that I am tired. Just plain TIRED.
Tired of waiting.
Tired of wanting.
Tired of hoping.
Tired of wishing.
I am leaving it all to what fate has destined for me.
This matter is just as Coldplay's Fix You -
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Labels: Life, Miscellaneous, Random ramblings
Am i really never good enough for you?
2:50 PM
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2:50 PM
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Thursday, October 07, 2010
♥ Grinning from ear to ear...
You know when it comes to motivation, sometimes we need another person or something to motivate us. And I never thought that I'd find it in trying t achieve my dreams. It all started the first day. At first I was REALLY conscious with my own self. Having really low self-esteem sometimes really affects the way I feel. Especially in large crowds. Even though the crowd at that time was not that large, but I can feel my body being poked from stares and glares.
But one thing is that even I can feel the stares and glares, my eyes kind of landed at this particular person. The stares given by this person feels like penetrating into my skin right to the bone. But it has a kind of filter - this charm or aura kind of soften it.
I continued doing what I have to do and found out that the person is a regular. Never had the guts to smile or even glance let alone talk to the person. The only thing that I am brave enough to do is stare the person from a far and glancing once in a while to the person's car.
The good thing was that I was looking forward to do what I aim for and just because of the person. I even told a friend of mine and she insisted that I talk to that person. Even a 'hi' is enough. But I don't have the guts to do so.
Eventually, the day arrived. On the 5th of October, as I was doing what I usually do, that person smiled AND we started talking! Even it was just a sentence, but at least that is something.
And with that particular incident, it made me grin from ear to ear until today. Thank you sooo much **D4*.
But one thing is that even I can feel the stares and glares, my eyes kind of landed at this particular person. The stares given by this person feels like penetrating into my skin right to the bone. But it has a kind of filter - this charm or aura kind of soften it.
I continued doing what I have to do and found out that the person is a regular. Never had the guts to smile or even glance let alone talk to the person. The only thing that I am brave enough to do is stare the person from a far and glancing once in a while to the person's car.
The good thing was that I was looking forward to do what I aim for and just because of the person. I even told a friend of mine and she insisted that I talk to that person. Even a 'hi' is enough. But I don't have the guts to do so.
Eventually, the day arrived. On the 5th of October, as I was doing what I usually do, that person smiled AND we started talking! Even it was just a sentence, but at least that is something.
And with that particular incident, it made me grin from ear to ear until today. Thank you sooo much **D4*.
Labels: Crushes, Life, Miscellaneous, Random ramblings
Am i really never good enough for you?
12:06 PM
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12:06 PM
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Wednesday, September 15, 2010
♥ The celebration of Eid Ul Fitri 2010
It's been sometime (again) since I've last posted something in my blog. Maybe the lack of entries might not be relevant since I know that not many (maybe close to none) read my blog. It's just a 'dump' to release the tension.
Ramadhan has left us. And will we be able to get the chance to meet again? Wallahu'alam. Only He knows. Have I fulfilled the chance given? Frankly speaking, I don't think so. Only a couple of things that I managed to do constantly. Oh how I do wish that I will be given the chance to meet Ramadhan again next year - Insya-Allah.
For the celebration of Eid this year, I feel as though I have outgrown the excitement of it. The only thing I love is the hassle of cooking the delicacies and spring cleaning the house (there's still clutters here and there but I have no power to throw them away - that is left to the Mam in the house). I still remember last 2 years having celebrating the Eid outside of Malaysia. The first time was fun even though the 'feel' was not there with the takbir and I had to rush to class. But yet, it was fun. The second time, was more relaxed. Since the duty there has been completed, it was more relaxed. But those years, on the eve of Eid, I was not busy in the kitchen. It was like a normal day. I did cook though since me and my housemate wanted to entertain Malaysian friends (the single ones) at our invited-only open house. Hahaha.. and during the Eid gathering, I was assigned to cook too.
Usually, during the preparation of Eid delicacies, I would just be the assistant chef to my mom. She would be the one doing the cooking. But this year, she decided to rest and let me prepare the dishes myself. She wasn't feeling well on the eve of Eid. And the best part is that she trusted me in preparing the traditional dishes!!
The spirit of Eid in me was kind of missing. But because it has become accustomed to me, I felt that it felt right doing what I usually do. Usually the night before Eid, I'd be up washing the kitchen floor until really late (usually until 4 am). But this year, I managed to get all done before 2 am (I did skip the washing the kitchen floor and just mopped it since it was still clean from the previous wash).
Even though everything was settled ahead of time compared to previous years, I was exhausted and only went to be at 3 am. Woke up for Subuh prayers and wanted to just doze a bit before the Eid prayers. But guess what? I kind of went completely back to sleep until 8.15am! And the Eid prayers was due at 8.30 am! Dang! I missed the Eid prayers.
This year's Eid celebration was a bit different from previous years since now I have a very cheeky little nephew and an adorable niece. I also drove to Malacca (my mom's hometown) which usually my dad does after the Friday prayers and drove back home after Maghrib. I was indeed exhausted since after arriving, I went straight to bed (I actually intended to take a shower first, but due to exhaustion, I just climbed into my bed).
There.. a bit about my Eid celebration. This year, as usual, I took pictures of my uncle's family and my brother's family. Oh.. suddenly I remembered that I did not take any pictures of myself, my mum and dad this year. Well, maybe some other day though.
Selamat Hari Raya to all!!!
Ramadhan has left us. And will we be able to get the chance to meet again? Wallahu'alam. Only He knows. Have I fulfilled the chance given? Frankly speaking, I don't think so. Only a couple of things that I managed to do constantly. Oh how I do wish that I will be given the chance to meet Ramadhan again next year - Insya-Allah.
For the celebration of Eid this year, I feel as though I have outgrown the excitement of it. The only thing I love is the hassle of cooking the delicacies and spring cleaning the house (there's still clutters here and there but I have no power to throw them away - that is left to the Mam in the house). I still remember last 2 years having celebrating the Eid outside of Malaysia. The first time was fun even though the 'feel' was not there with the takbir and I had to rush to class. But yet, it was fun. The second time, was more relaxed. Since the duty there has been completed, it was more relaxed. But those years, on the eve of Eid, I was not busy in the kitchen. It was like a normal day. I did cook though since me and my housemate wanted to entertain Malaysian friends (the single ones) at our invited-only open house. Hahaha.. and during the Eid gathering, I was assigned to cook too.
Usually, during the preparation of Eid delicacies, I would just be the assistant chef to my mom. She would be the one doing the cooking. But this year, she decided to rest and let me prepare the dishes myself. She wasn't feeling well on the eve of Eid. And the best part is that she trusted me in preparing the traditional dishes!!
The spirit of Eid in me was kind of missing. But because it has become accustomed to me, I felt that it felt right doing what I usually do. Usually the night before Eid, I'd be up washing the kitchen floor until really late (usually until 4 am). But this year, I managed to get all done before 2 am (I did skip the washing the kitchen floor and just mopped it since it was still clean from the previous wash).
Even though everything was settled ahead of time compared to previous years, I was exhausted and only went to be at 3 am. Woke up for Subuh prayers and wanted to just doze a bit before the Eid prayers. But guess what? I kind of went completely back to sleep until 8.15am! And the Eid prayers was due at 8.30 am! Dang! I missed the Eid prayers.
This year's Eid celebration was a bit different from previous years since now I have a very cheeky little nephew and an adorable niece. I also drove to Malacca (my mom's hometown) which usually my dad does after the Friday prayers and drove back home after Maghrib. I was indeed exhausted since after arriving, I went straight to bed (I actually intended to take a shower first, but due to exhaustion, I just climbed into my bed).
There.. a bit about my Eid celebration. This year, as usual, I took pictures of my uncle's family and my brother's family. Oh.. suddenly I remembered that I did not take any pictures of myself, my mum and dad this year. Well, maybe some other day though.
Selamat Hari Raya to all!!!
Labels: family, Life, Miscellaneous, Random ramblings
Am i really never good enough for you?
11:42 AM
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11:42 AM
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Tuesday, July 06, 2010
♥ What is L.O.V.E?
..'That's love right? When you know somebody better than they do, and when you'll do anything in the world to protect them...' Ugly Betty Season 4 Episode
That quote means a lot - to me personally. I found the truth in the words of Hilda, on her wedding day. It kind of made me think. Is it true? Maybe. But I can't deny that the more we are 'into' someone we like, the tendency to take interest in the person arises. And I find the pain excruciating after all the fuss and hassle in getting to know nitty gritty details of a person which in the end, you are left heart broken.
Should you run away to a foreign land in mending a broken heart as suggested by Kat in Lagenda Budak Setan? I did try that. But in the end, it didn't work. Because in the end, I had to come back to face the same thing again. Was my heart mended? NO. It was just covered with layers and layers of cover to make sure that the big hole that was definitely there difficult the be opened again. But somehow or rather, on a fine day, unexpectedly, you yourself will peel off the layers of cover just to visit that place and cry your heart out. As long as you know what you're doing, then I guess it is fine. Or is this just words of comfort for myself?
That quote means a lot - to me personally. I found the truth in the words of Hilda, on her wedding day. It kind of made me think. Is it true? Maybe. But I can't deny that the more we are 'into' someone we like, the tendency to take interest in the person arises. And I find the pain excruciating after all the fuss and hassle in getting to know nitty gritty details of a person which in the end, you are left heart broken.
Should you run away to a foreign land in mending a broken heart as suggested by Kat in Lagenda Budak Setan? I did try that. But in the end, it didn't work. Because in the end, I had to come back to face the same thing again. Was my heart mended? NO. It was just covered with layers and layers of cover to make sure that the big hole that was definitely there difficult the be opened again. But somehow or rather, on a fine day, unexpectedly, you yourself will peel off the layers of cover just to visit that place and cry your heart out. As long as you know what you're doing, then I guess it is fine. Or is this just words of comfort for myself?
Am i really never good enough for you?
8:10 PM
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8:10 PM
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Wednesday, February 10, 2010
♥ Alhamdulillah..
Alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah for all the countless blessings bestowed upon me. I have finished what I started earlier and am TREMENDOUSLY happy with the results.
Last week, I flew way up to the UK again to officially receive the certificate marking my work for the past year (even though at first I was a bit reluctant and there was something behind it. I'll blog about it in a different entry) . I always prayed that I could have the chance to meet with 'Mr. Snow' again since I did not have much time with him the last time. And guess what, my prayers were answered. The first day landing in Amsterdam, there it was. In front on my eyes, the airport was blanketed in white. Pure white. Even though I was just there on transit, the scenery was breathtaking. Imagine me from Malaysia with the cotton thin clothing, arriving in Amsterdam at -8 degrees. Brrr.. went to the ladies to put on my thermal clothing + jumper + coat. The thing is that the flight to Humberside does not use the aerotunnel (whatever it is called - the thingy to board the aircraft from the departure gate) since the plane is a small focker and will need the passengers to use the bus provided to reach the aircraft. It was a bit cold indeed but I found the weather somewhat familiar.. hahaha..
Arrived in Hull and left my bags at a friend's house and went straight to town. First thing's first = SHOPPING. Hahaha.. nah.. just wanted to kill time and exhaust myself to make sure that I get enough sleep that night to ensure a fresh me the next day. And I did sleep like a log that night!
Woke up feeling fresh and excited. Got ready and walked to the university. Felt like I was still studying there. Only the dressing is a bit different today since usually I'd be wearing jeans. Was expecting to take tonnes of photos, but no one is familiar with my camera. :-( . In the end, only a few shots were captured. None of them in the hall. And after the ceremony, I had to attend another simple ceremony but my friends went to grab lunch with my camera. Huhu.. met other people, but again, no photos captured to cherish the memories. Only today, I remembered that I should have snapped pics using my phone. Too late!
The second day there, it started snowing again. Wuhuuu!! And after my friend's session, we went straight to London. And guess what? It was snowing!! Again!! The following morning, boarded a plane to Nice. The first day, brought my friend to Monaco. That night, my youngest brother joined us for dinner. The second day in Nice, we actually wanted to go skiing. But I wasn't feeling that well. We changed plans and went to Cannes and Grasse instead. And guess what, it was snowing AGAIN!!
After the trip to France, we stayed in London for 2 nights. And when it came to going back to Hull, it snowed!! In Hull, not London. The last night, before heading back to Malaysia for good, we put a night in Amsterdam. Got to visit the Red Light District! Strange enough, halal food was everywhere on that part of Amsterdam! Actually we kind of accidentally found it in search of halal food. Don't worry, I am still innocent. Still consider myself underage for that sort of thing. Hahaha..
Anyway, all in all, it was a splendid journey. Wish I could make it a yearly event or just permanently reside in the UK. Haha.. how I wish i could do that.
Last week, I flew way up to the UK again to officially receive the certificate marking my work for the past year (even though at first I was a bit reluctant and there was something behind it. I'll blog about it in a different entry) . I always prayed that I could have the chance to meet with 'Mr. Snow' again since I did not have much time with him the last time. And guess what, my prayers were answered. The first day landing in Amsterdam, there it was. In front on my eyes, the airport was blanketed in white. Pure white. Even though I was just there on transit, the scenery was breathtaking. Imagine me from Malaysia with the cotton thin clothing, arriving in Amsterdam at -8 degrees. Brrr.. went to the ladies to put on my thermal clothing + jumper + coat. The thing is that the flight to Humberside does not use the aerotunnel (whatever it is called - the thingy to board the aircraft from the departure gate) since the plane is a small focker and will need the passengers to use the bus provided to reach the aircraft. It was a bit cold indeed but I found the weather somewhat familiar.. hahaha..
Arrived in Hull and left my bags at a friend's house and went straight to town. First thing's first = SHOPPING. Hahaha.. nah.. just wanted to kill time and exhaust myself to make sure that I get enough sleep that night to ensure a fresh me the next day. And I did sleep like a log that night!
Woke up feeling fresh and excited. Got ready and walked to the university. Felt like I was still studying there. Only the dressing is a bit different today since usually I'd be wearing jeans. Was expecting to take tonnes of photos, but no one is familiar with my camera. :-( . In the end, only a few shots were captured. None of them in the hall. And after the ceremony, I had to attend another simple ceremony but my friends went to grab lunch with my camera. Huhu.. met other people, but again, no photos captured to cherish the memories. Only today, I remembered that I should have snapped pics using my phone. Too late!
The second day there, it started snowing again. Wuhuuu!! And after my friend's session, we went straight to London. And guess what? It was snowing!! Again!! The following morning, boarded a plane to Nice. The first day, brought my friend to Monaco. That night, my youngest brother joined us for dinner. The second day in Nice, we actually wanted to go skiing. But I wasn't feeling that well. We changed plans and went to Cannes and Grasse instead. And guess what, it was snowing AGAIN!!
After the trip to France, we stayed in London for 2 nights. And when it came to going back to Hull, it snowed!! In Hull, not London. The last night, before heading back to Malaysia for good, we put a night in Amsterdam. Got to visit the Red Light District! Strange enough, halal food was everywhere on that part of Amsterdam! Actually we kind of accidentally found it in search of halal food. Don't worry, I am still innocent. Still consider myself underage for that sort of thing. Hahaha..
Anyway, all in all, it was a splendid journey. Wish I could make it a yearly event or just permanently reside in the UK. Haha.. how I wish i could do that.
Labels: Attractions, Life, Memories, Miscellaneous, Random ramblings, travel
Am i really never good enough for you?
2:52 PM
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2:52 PM
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Thursday, January 21, 2010
♥ You know you are a workaholic when...
1. You are bored to DEATH when you have no work to do.
2. You dream about your boss almost every single day.
3. You have no time to eat, drink or even go to the loo during office hours.
4. You never realize the time. You only realize it when the office is quiet and the
last person going back tells you that the person is leaving.
5. Your annual leave is always being carried forward for next year or you apply for
leave just to do your work without any interruption.
6. You find yourself happy during workdays and lonely during weekends.
Most of the symptoms mentioned above is what I feel like. So, there, I admit that I AM A WORKAHOLIC!
2. You dream about your boss almost every single day.
3. You have no time to eat, drink or even go to the loo during office hours.
4. You never realize the time. You only realize it when the office is quiet and the
last person going back tells you that the person is leaving.
5. Your annual leave is always being carried forward for next year or you apply for
leave just to do your work without any interruption.
6. You find yourself happy during workdays and lonely during weekends.
Most of the symptoms mentioned above is what I feel like. So, there, I admit that I AM A WORKAHOLIC!
Labels: Life, Miscellaneous, Random ramblings
Am i really never good enough for you?
2:39 PM
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2:39 PM
1 commented
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
♥ It has been 3 weeks...
Wooaa.. it's already the 3rd week of 2010. How time flies. It has also been the third month for me after coming back here. And next week, I'll report duty in my new department. Eager? I guess.. Looking forward to it?? Maybe.. At least I hope that I don't have to wait for work. Anyway, will be flying back to UK Tuesday next week for my graduation ceremony. Meaning that I will only be in my new office for 2 days before my 2 week break to the UK. Haha
Anyway, I have no excited feeling to fly back. But I know that I wanted to attend the ceremony and maybe travel a bit. But That feeling has vanished. Don't know what to expect and don't know what to feel. Hahaha.. Happy? Excited? Thrilled to meet my friends? Or looking forward to meet 'Winter' again? I don't really know. It feels different in a way. It doesn't feel like the time I first went there.
Anyway, hoping for the best and hope I'll enjoy the trip (better do so because the trip itself costs a FORTUNE!)
Anyway, I have no excited feeling to fly back. But I know that I wanted to attend the ceremony and maybe travel a bit. But That feeling has vanished. Don't know what to expect and don't know what to feel. Hahaha.. Happy? Excited? Thrilled to meet my friends? Or looking forward to meet 'Winter' again? I don't really know. It feels different in a way. It doesn't feel like the time I first went there.
Anyway, hoping for the best and hope I'll enjoy the trip (better do so because the trip itself costs a FORTUNE!)
Labels: Life, Miscellaneous, Random ramblings, travel
Am i really never good enough for you?
1:37 PM
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1:37 PM
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Thursday, December 31, 2009
♥ Goodbye 2009, Welcome 2010....
2009 has reached the end. This evening, as the sun sets, will be the end of the sunshine for 2009. As the clock strikes midnight, a new year has begun. Time flies sooo fast. I can't believe that it'll be 2010 in just a couple of hours. I feel as though 2009 has just arrived. And yet, it has reached it's end.
This year started with fun and excitement after being able to continue my studies abroad which has been my dream since I was little. Having the dream of my life come true (even though not at the time that I wanted to - meaning the dream to continue studies abroad) was kind of an achievement for me. And at the time too, I kind of took the opportunity to gather my thoughts and mend my broken heart which I shoved waaayy back of my brain (hahaha.. like it's true).
I became more independent, stronger and found the little kid in me again after having it being locked for sooo long. This year also I traveled to countries I have only dreamed of going to, where some of them I never thought that I could go to! This year also gave me the chance to meet wonderful people along the way and supported be and cheered me up through my ups and downs. And this year also, I managed to prove myself to my own self.
There were times that I wished that what happened, should have been the other way around. I nearly gave up. There were the down days and I kept it all to myself, waiting it to burst and pull me down to the lowest level. But I am grateful to have wonderful friends around me and my family to support me and cheer me up when I feel down.
Alhamdulillah, 2009 has been a wonderful journey all together. The down times have been hard, where I did hit rock bottom, but managed to held my head high and climb back from the bottom with of course the wonderful people around me and with the blessing from the Almighty.
This day, the last day of 2009 is my mum's 56th birthday. Happy birthday Mama.. Love you sooo much and I hope that I have made you proud.
Just a couple of hours till a new year starts. I wish that next year will be better than this year. Goodbye 2009 and Hello 2010.
This year started with fun and excitement after being able to continue my studies abroad which has been my dream since I was little. Having the dream of my life come true (even though not at the time that I wanted to - meaning the dream to continue studies abroad) was kind of an achievement for me. And at the time too, I kind of took the opportunity to gather my thoughts and mend my broken heart which I shoved waaayy back of my brain (hahaha.. like it's true).
I became more independent, stronger and found the little kid in me again after having it being locked for sooo long. This year also I traveled to countries I have only dreamed of going to, where some of them I never thought that I could go to! This year also gave me the chance to meet wonderful people along the way and supported be and cheered me up through my ups and downs. And this year also, I managed to prove myself to my own self.
There were times that I wished that what happened, should have been the other way around. I nearly gave up. There were the down days and I kept it all to myself, waiting it to burst and pull me down to the lowest level. But I am grateful to have wonderful friends around me and my family to support me and cheer me up when I feel down.
Alhamdulillah, 2009 has been a wonderful journey all together. The down times have been hard, where I did hit rock bottom, but managed to held my head high and climb back from the bottom with of course the wonderful people around me and with the blessing from the Almighty.
This day, the last day of 2009 is my mum's 56th birthday. Happy birthday Mama.. Love you sooo much and I hope that I have made you proud.
Just a couple of hours till a new year starts. I wish that next year will be better than this year. Goodbye 2009 and Hello 2010.
Labels: family, Life, Memories, Miscellaneous
Am i really never good enough for you?
10:27 AM
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10:27 AM
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Friday, December 11, 2009
♥ I hate this part right here...
I have nothing much to say nor elaborate. Just that I have this feeling that I hate. Really extremely hate. Something done that cannot be undone but can be learned from in the future. Think before doing it AGAIN in the future, because I hate this part right here.
Labels: Crushes, Life, Random ramblings
Am i really never good enough for you?
12:06 AM
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12:06 AM
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Thursday, December 03, 2009
♥ It's been a while...
It's been a while since I've last written here. A year to be exact. I was actually contemplating whether to continue writing or just delete this blog. But I don't think that I can do the latter. I still do think that my previous entries are too childish. But hey, it's my blog. And I can see that I have grown up now (as if).
Alhamdulillah, my absence for the year has been a successful journey in life for me. And I have accomplished what I have been searching for (well, maybe in one aspect though). Maybe I'll continue the journey one fine day.
So, should I or shouldn't I delete this blog? Naah.. I think I'll just continue on a different note, a new fresh look (even though it does seem a bit depressing, but I like it) and maybe hopefully happy entries. Till then, enjoy your day!
*Currently listening to I'd Come for You - Nickelback
Alhamdulillah, my absence for the year has been a successful journey in life for me. And I have accomplished what I have been searching for (well, maybe in one aspect though). Maybe I'll continue the journey one fine day.
So, should I or shouldn't I delete this blog? Naah.. I think I'll just continue on a different note, a new fresh look (even though it does seem a bit depressing, but I like it) and maybe hopefully happy entries. Till then, enjoy your day!
*Currently listening to I'd Come for You - Nickelback
Labels: Life, Miscellaneous, Random ramblings
Am i really never good enough for you?
3:43 PM
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3:43 PM
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Saturday, September 20, 2008
♥ Alhamdulillah...
Alhamdulillah I have reached my destination in one piece and without any trouble. Though I had to find my way to the final destination, I had no trouble at all. People were helpful enough helping me.
It all started in Ramadhan last year when Education@UK had their annual exhibition in Kuala Lumpur Convention Centre. I went browsing through several universities gathering information regarding courses offered and other useful information I might need. Back then, I thought the timing was way ahead. And it was the 17th of Ramadhan that I did all those things.
In December, I had to attend a course to prepare myself to the academic world. Being the ONLY administrator, I felt a bit out of place. With no knowledge at all about research and preparing a proposal PLUS defending the proposal, I was one of the weakest participant. I kind of freaked out. But the organizer told me not to worry since I'll be enrolled in a program in coursework mode. That kind of eased my worries.
Early this year, I started to apply universities. And remember the course that I went to which I could not finish the jungle tracking and I NEARLY fainted on top of the hill? That was another compulsory course taken for the final destination.
So after all the events, I thought I had plenty of time preparing myself for the departure, only to find that I was wrong! I cannot imagine a friend of mine who did almost every other thing except the preparation course to the academic world in the same time I did, and the others, only to be completed in July! She had to report on the 1st of September! I, myself with all the others done, took about 6 months to settle everything else kind of took the breath out of me!
Anyway, I arrived this morning and took a cab, finding my way in this new country and environment after somewhat having a miscommunication with people here. Well, at least I felt very confident and independent doing things alone in a foreign environment. What an achievement for me. Hurrah!! Luckily my new housemate was at home and not on-call. So, I arrived at the doorstep, with one suitcase, one hand luggage and one laptop, knocking on the door. She greeted me and I stepped in the new house that I'll be staying for the year.
Here I am, all alone tonight and being jet-lagged, I need time to adjust my biological clock for the time now in Malaysia is way past my bedtime that is 4.50am and sahur time, where as the local time here is only 9.45 pm.
I promise you that I'll post up pictures of my new place as soon as I get the chance to snap the pics. I wanted to do it today, as I arrived but a friend back home told me not to. It'll be that I am too eager to do that and I have a year to take them. Oh well, what can you say if your hobby evolves around photography right?
Cheers!
It all started in Ramadhan last year when Education@UK had their annual exhibition in Kuala Lumpur Convention Centre. I went browsing through several universities gathering information regarding courses offered and other useful information I might need. Back then, I thought the timing was way ahead. And it was the 17th of Ramadhan that I did all those things.
In December, I had to attend a course to prepare myself to the academic world. Being the ONLY administrator, I felt a bit out of place. With no knowledge at all about research and preparing a proposal PLUS defending the proposal, I was one of the weakest participant. I kind of freaked out. But the organizer told me not to worry since I'll be enrolled in a program in coursework mode. That kind of eased my worries.
Early this year, I started to apply universities. And remember the course that I went to which I could not finish the jungle tracking and I NEARLY fainted on top of the hill? That was another compulsory course taken for the final destination.
So after all the events, I thought I had plenty of time preparing myself for the departure, only to find that I was wrong! I cannot imagine a friend of mine who did almost every other thing except the preparation course to the academic world in the same time I did, and the others, only to be completed in July! She had to report on the 1st of September! I, myself with all the others done, took about 6 months to settle everything else kind of took the breath out of me!
Anyway, I arrived this morning and took a cab, finding my way in this new country and environment after somewhat having a miscommunication with people here. Well, at least I felt very confident and independent doing things alone in a foreign environment. What an achievement for me. Hurrah!! Luckily my new housemate was at home and not on-call. So, I arrived at the doorstep, with one suitcase, one hand luggage and one laptop, knocking on the door. She greeted me and I stepped in the new house that I'll be staying for the year.
Here I am, all alone tonight and being jet-lagged, I need time to adjust my biological clock for the time now in Malaysia is way past my bedtime that is 4.50am and sahur time, where as the local time here is only 9.45 pm.
I promise you that I'll post up pictures of my new place as soon as I get the chance to snap the pics. I wanted to do it today, as I arrived but a friend back home told me not to. It'll be that I am too eager to do that and I have a year to take them. Oh well, what can you say if your hobby evolves around photography right?
Cheers!
Labels: Life, Random ramblings
Am i really never good enough for you?
4:17 AM
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4:17 AM
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Saturday, February 16, 2008
♥ I'm Lost!!!!
~Cinta Antara Kita~
sejak dari dulu
ku menyintaimu
kau tahu begitu namun kau berpura
ku masih teringat kau peluk diriku
yg telah membuat ku menyintai mu
sudah berapa lama
diriku ini
tak bertemu mu
mungkin ku harap jua
kau merindu ku
sebagaimanaku rinduimu
cinta antara kita
tiada penghalangnya
walau akhir usia
ku menyinta dirimu
ku hanya menunggu mu
menyata kau cintaku
ku kan berjanji
menyintamu syg....
setelah kau pergi jauh dari sisi
tiada ku cinta selain dirimu
ku ingin bersama dgnmu selamanya
walaupun sehingga ke akhir nyawa
mungkin kau tak mengerti
maksud ku dulu pada dirimu
kiniku kan menyinta dirimu itu sehingga ke akhir waktu
cinta antara kita
tiada penghalangnya
walau akhir usia
ku menyintai dirimu
ku hanya menunggu mu
menyata kau cintaku
ku kan berjanji
menyintamu syg....
sudah berapa lama
diriku ini
tak bertemu mu
mungkin ku harap jua
kau merindu ku
sebagaimanaku rindumu
cinta antara kita
tiada penghalangnya
walau akhir usia
ku menyinta dirimu
hanya menunggu mu
menyata kau cintaku
ku kan berjanji
menyintamu syg....
cinta antara kita
tiada penghalangnya
walau akhir usia
ku menyintai dirimu
ku hanya menunggu mu
menyata kau cintaku
ku kan berjanji
menyintamu syg....
Sometimes it is hard to understand what I feel. People around me cannot read my mind and soul. And sometimes I myself can't understand what I feel inside.
p/s: this song makes me sad, in a comforting way. I love this song.
Labels: Life, Random ramblings, Songs
Am i really never good enough for you?
9:22 PM
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9:22 PM
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Saturday, January 12, 2008
♥ When language is seldomly used...
I have just sat for my language exam and I tell you, that if you seldom use the language, you will find it hard to answer. And one more thing, today was my first day sitting for an exam after what, like 8 years? Tuning back and gearing up yourself for an exam is exhausting and I have forgotten how it feels like until today.
I'd advice those planning to take language proficiency exams - polish up your skills. I mean start to scan-read, listen to tapes or hearing aids that can familiarize you with all kinds of accents and the best part is that, talk slow. Don't rush on your points and your speed of speech. I was given 2 minutes to talk about the thing I love - shopping! But I finished up in less the 2 minutes! I have already used all the points given and elaborated it quite long. And there was no hmmms,aaahs what-so-ever. But I ran out of ideas on the simplest favourite topic! How pathethic right?
So, all the best!!
I'd advice those planning to take language proficiency exams - polish up your skills. I mean start to scan-read, listen to tapes or hearing aids that can familiarize you with all kinds of accents and the best part is that, talk slow. Don't rush on your points and your speed of speech. I was given 2 minutes to talk about the thing I love - shopping! But I finished up in less the 2 minutes! I have already used all the points given and elaborated it quite long. And there was no hmmms,aaahs what-so-ever. But I ran out of ideas on the simplest favourite topic! How pathethic right?
So, all the best!!
Labels: Life, Miscellaneous, Random ramblings
Am i really never good enough for you?
6:51 PM
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6:51 PM
0 commented
Sunday, October 14, 2007
♥ Satu Hari di Hari Raya...
I know most of you are still on holiday, but I just wanted to share this Raya's incident in a song. Sing it with the M.Nasir's tune of Suatu Hari di Hari Raya.
Suatu Hari Di Hari Raya
Satu hari di Hari Raya
Tahun 2007 tahun jadinya
Aku sangka biasa sahaja
Rupanya ada satu peristiwa
Yang mungkin tak dapat kulupa
Satu hari di Hari Raya
Aku cadang nak bergaya
Pakai baju dan kasut raya
Siap make-up muka agar ceria
Maklumlah hari ini Hari Raya
Satu hari di Hari Raya
Satu keluarga ziarahi pusara
Arwah adinda tercinta
Yang telah pergi mengadap-Nya
Sudah 16 tahun lamanya
Satu hari di Hari Raya
Tiba di pusara arwah adinda
Dengan kasut tumit tinggi raya
Tumitnya halus fesyen semasa
Tak kusangka jadi peristiwa
Satu hari di hari raya
Sewaktu orang sedang berdoa
Aku bertinggung di pusara
Dengan tidak semena-mena
Aku tergolek di tepinya
Sungguh malu tidak terkira
Satu hari di Hari Raya
Dengan kejadian yang tidak terduga
Ibu, ayah adik tertawa
Tak kusangka
Mungkin ramai lagi dapat menyaksikannya
Ku jatuh tergolek seperti buah nangka
Satu hari di Hari Raya
Satu hari di Hari Raya
Satu hari di Hari Raya...
Okay.. for those out there not understanding a bit of the song AND the event that happened, here's the english version (am I being too imaginative that I have readers out there who are not Malay speaking/understand Malay Language? Well, let's just ASSUME I do have readers from all over the world.. hehehe..)
It's a tradition on Eid that we visit the grave to recite doa for the members of the family that has passed away. In my case, I lost my brother (Aja) 16 years ago (I was 13 and my late brother was 10) due to an accident on his way back from Friday prayers. We were close since we were just 3 years apart. Back then, I only grew up with 2 brothers. The youngest was born when I was 11 and the difference between Aja and the youngest (Ashraf) is 8 years.
I don't want to get all sad here since sometimes I'd cry and feel gloomy remembering the day of the accident, which apparently happened a day before my 13th birthday and his last words before the accident still remain in my head. What I can say is that he is the most loveable person one can ever meet.
Okay, back to the incident that happened yesterday. We were getting ready to go back to Malacca - my mom's hometown, a tradition we do every Eid. We would stop by the cemetery to visit my late brother's grave and recite the doa before heading the highway.
I was in my baju kurung and I had my face all glowing with the make-up I was obsessed with 2-3 months back. I planned to wear my new stilettos and there, all ready, we headed for the cemetery.
As I entered the grounds, I noticed that the soil was a bit damp. I guess yesterday it rained causing the dampness, but the day was beautiful and just nice - not too hot as it was already 10.30 am. So, we arrived at my brother's tomb and we all squatted to recite the doa.
I squat down to recite the doa with my family. After a few minutes, I felt the left heel of my stilettos sinking in the damp soil. I kind of lost balance and tried groping for something to gain my balance. But I guess I found nothing. There and then, I fell tumbling on the ground landing on my new baju kurung! Not just did I tumble and fell; I kind of looked like humpty-dumpty, who sat on the wall, having a great fall! I kind of rolled over at the cemetery. And the best part was that it was kind of full with families paying their tributes to the lost ones on Eid! I thought my family did not notice the fall, but when I had to roll over to get up, I found them laughing hysterically at me in a polite kind of way. Luckily, the graveyard wasn't that hilly, because I think that I would be rolling down the hill if it was!
My dad kind of joked saying that my late brother (down there) also laughed at me, seeing his only sister had a great fall this year while visiting his grave. We kind of had to take some time to calm ourselves down from the laughter. We continued reciting the doa and I noticed some heads turning and smiling while passing us. I made a straight face since I knew that it was because of the incident. I had to hold Ashraf's hand to get up (just in case the heels sinked again and I'd lost balance, AGAIN!)
In the car, we continued laughing and my dad started singing the Suatu Hari di Hari Raya song with the lyrics changed to resembling what happened. And he said that it was hilarious seeing someone tumbling over the grave. Luckily it wasn't 'someone' or 'something' pulling from below!
Well, that's my story. So, how was your Raya?
p/s: I'd really appreciate it if friends who know me in person, not to tell the story with my real name. It's kind of embarrassing.
Labels: family, Life, Miscellaneous
Am i really never good enough for you?
4:35 PM
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4:35 PM
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Sunday, July 08, 2007
♥ Is it time yet?
I guess I have to let go sometime...
Has the time arrived?
Maybe not..
But it seems to be near..
Very near..
Reluctant?
Probably
But sooner or later, it has to be done
Permanently letting go?
I have no clue
Just time will tell...
And currently waiting for the time to let go
And I'll be flying like the balloons in the air..
Free and waiting for the wind to send me to anywhere...
Well, we'll wait forthe moment
I have the courage to let go of writing
Like letting the balloons fly away...
*Pics from grange85's photostream
Labels: Life, Miscellaneous
Am i really never good enough for you?
6:44 PM
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6:44 PM
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