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Monday, October 18, 2010

♥ I am tired...

I've always been very optimistic when it comes to feelings. Lately I noticed that I kind of turned to be a stalker without any intention. Well, yes in my heart, I want to be noticed. And I kind of have this feeling that sometimes things or the behavior portrayed is as if trying to make me notice it. But as I know my own self better, I have put it aside. Getting my hopes soaring high and then it vanishes in thin air, making me fall and hit rock bottom is extremely painful. That is why I seldom let myself get too deep in feelings. And that is also why some people will say that I look very 'fierce' and serious.

These couple of weeks, I have kind of developed the uneasy feeling again. And I kind of felt like I turned into a stalker. But thinking about it back, not all the time. I mean, accidentally I found out things. Not that I was desperately looking for it. It just came into the picture as if knowing about my feelings. It felt like I was destined to find those things.

But now, I just feel worse. And I am blaming myself for this feeling. What I can say is that I am tired. Just plain TIRED.

Tired of waiting.
Tired of wanting.
Tired of hoping.
Tired of wishing.

I am leaving it all to what fate has destined for me.

This matter is just as Coldplay's Fix You -

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

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Am i really never good enough for you?
2:50 PM
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