Monday, December 19, 2005
♥ Responsibility
Being the eldest in the family is a big responsibility. Even though I have younger brothers, but being the only person in the family that has finished studying and started work is a huge difference. I know that my mom is still working but I feel that being the eldest, I'd like to ensure everything is comfortable.
My dad just flew to Makkah yesterday. Before leaving, he managed to leave a few things for me to take care at home. Not that he does not rely on my mom, but he said that my mom would often forget things. There was one thing that made my mom, my youngest brother and I cried. He said that my youngest brother would be the 'leader' of the house during his absence and if my dad is destined to never return, take care of the family.
I know that people will always leave those kind of nasihat to their spouses before leaving for Haj. But listening to my father yesterday made me feel uneasy and started to cry and imagine things that I should have not imagined. It really made my mom and I sad for the whole evening. My mom would just sit at the dining table and one moment, she'd be smiling and then she'd start crying. I had to tell her stories to get her mind off the things my dad said.
It is sure a big responsibility for me. I have to make sure everything is in order and find solutions to problems that I'd be facing. And am I prepared for all those? Please let me be able to sort things out during my dad's absence. Please let me be strong enough to handle all the matters that need to be settled. I leave it all in the hands of Allah for He will help me out when I am lost.
My dad just flew to Makkah yesterday. Before leaving, he managed to leave a few things for me to take care at home. Not that he does not rely on my mom, but he said that my mom would often forget things. There was one thing that made my mom, my youngest brother and I cried. He said that my youngest brother would be the 'leader' of the house during his absence and if my dad is destined to never return, take care of the family.
I know that people will always leave those kind of nasihat to their spouses before leaving for Haj. But listening to my father yesterday made me feel uneasy and started to cry and imagine things that I should have not imagined. It really made my mom and I sad for the whole evening. My mom would just sit at the dining table and one moment, she'd be smiling and then she'd start crying. I had to tell her stories to get her mind off the things my dad said.
It is sure a big responsibility for me. I have to make sure everything is in order and find solutions to problems that I'd be facing. And am I prepared for all those? Please let me be able to sort things out during my dad's absence. Please let me be strong enough to handle all the matters that need to be settled. I leave it all in the hands of Allah for He will help me out when I am lost.
Am i really never good enough for you?
4:55 PM
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4:55 PM
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Wednesday, December 14, 2005
♥ In Need of Rest!
Arrgghh.. I have been exhausting myself lately. I haven't had time for myself and time to indulge myself in luxury - meaning the gym, sauna and steam bath. I have gain weight and I mean A LOT! Actually I gained back the weight I lost during fasting month. I have to do something. URGENTLY!
Anyway, last week, I attended the BTN course and seriously, I am exhausted. I don't have any stamina anymore! I mean, I used to like stuffs in BTN, but now, without huffing and puffing throughout the fitness session, that person is not me. I am totally ashamed of myself!
Actually it's not about being ashamed at other people. But I am ashamed of my own self. I used to be fit even though I am out of shape. But being unfit and huffing and puffing is a no-no for me. I have to do something about this!
During the tracking on the last day of the course, I lost my sport shoe in the mud. It gave way becauze I kept sinking in the mud. I was left with my left shoe (which almost gave way) and my right foot was bare. I also lost the sock on my right foot. And I had another 1 - 2 km to go. Friends told me to take of the sock on my left foot and use it on my right foot. Thank God by track bottom was long enough to act as another layer to cover my feet. I went limping (imagine one leg with a shoe, and another bare) to finish the tracking. I managed to survive with only one shoe (and that shoe was 80% ruined).
I arrived at the camp and threw away the remaining of the shoe and socks. I had sunburn on my face and it still shows. :-(
Well, back to the story, I am planning to get a new pair of sport shoes today. I mean as soon as possible. I'd like to start working out before I gain more weight. Emm.. what kind should I get eh?
Anyway, last week, I attended the BTN course and seriously, I am exhausted. I don't have any stamina anymore! I mean, I used to like stuffs in BTN, but now, without huffing and puffing throughout the fitness session, that person is not me. I am totally ashamed of myself!
Actually it's not about being ashamed at other people. But I am ashamed of my own self. I used to be fit even though I am out of shape. But being unfit and huffing and puffing is a no-no for me. I have to do something about this!
During the tracking on the last day of the course, I lost my sport shoe in the mud. It gave way becauze I kept sinking in the mud. I was left with my left shoe (which almost gave way) and my right foot was bare. I also lost the sock on my right foot. And I had another 1 - 2 km to go. Friends told me to take of the sock on my left foot and use it on my right foot. Thank God by track bottom was long enough to act as another layer to cover my feet. I went limping (imagine one leg with a shoe, and another bare) to finish the tracking. I managed to survive with only one shoe (and that shoe was 80% ruined).
I arrived at the camp and threw away the remaining of the shoe and socks. I had sunburn on my face and it still shows. :-(
Well, back to the story, I am planning to get a new pair of sport shoes today. I mean as soon as possible. I'd like to start working out before I gain more weight. Emm.. what kind should I get eh?
Am i really never good enough for you?
5:04 PM
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5:04 PM
0 commented
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
♥ A Hectic Week and The Thing About Being Single
I have been buried under tonnes of work - official and personal. I miss my ramblings so much that I can't even think where to start! Thanks a million to my beloved 'fans' of my ramblings for being concerned of my absence.
I think that for this week, this is the one and only entry that I can manage to squeeze for the time being. On Thursday, I'll be leaving for BTN - which I once loved but now I think that I am too 'old' for the training. Thanks to the so-called SSM I have to attend this course for the 4th time in my life! (Actually because I know that my stamina level is so low these days that I am reluctant to go. But I hope that there'll be tonnes of gorgeous guys to 'cuci mata.')
My dad has been nagging about me settling down. The thing is that it's not that I don't want to, but I have not found anyone to fit in the description of my partner. My dad said that he'll only give me four months to settle down and he is serious.
Four months?! What can I do in four months? Get to know the 'candidate' might even take longer. And making sure that I can cope with the fact of sharing the rest of my life with him is another thing to sit down and consider. I just sat there laughing at the idea.
I thought that it will end. I mean the urging-me-to-settle-down-in-four-months. But I guess that he is seriuos because that matter came up last night after helding a kenduri tahlil and kesyukuran as my dad will be performing his Haj (on behalf of my Tok (his late mother)). I guess he is seriuos and said that I better make plans of my life and have a target in life (which I do have, but the matter of settling down has passed three years ago).
I am not saying that I am against men or marriage. When the time comes, I'd love to get married and have kids. But the thing is that, I haven't found anyone who would want to share his life with me. I hope that I am not sounding desparate here. But don't get me wrong. Most of the people are pointing fingers at single women. And a recent survey that was published in the papers said that 70% of career women are single. Who can understand more about what's happening and the cause of this other than a single-career-women herself right?
I once told this matter to a friend of mine (who happens to be the opposite sex and I was attracted to once). He said that women are too choosy in searching for their life partners. I said that of course that we need to choose because we are sharing our lives and we need to find someone that we can trust, be our friend when we need one and a shoulder to cry on. He agreed on that but he said that sometimes men (not all and according to him - no offense) are a bit 'dumb' when it comes to sensitivity. So, if a woman likes a particular man, just make a move and give him hints about our feelings. I'd have to disagree on that because I still hold strong on the saying of 'jangan jadi perigi yang cari timba'.
I don't know why but I just feel uncomfortable to be the one starting the sparks of a relationship. But I do know that when it's 'late' I regret by not making the first move when I know that that particular person also has feelings for me.
So, guys and girls out there, if you feel that you have found your partner out there, don't hesitate to try the waters. You'll never know what you'll find.
Have a great week everyone!
I think that for this week, this is the one and only entry that I can manage to squeeze for the time being. On Thursday, I'll be leaving for BTN - which I once loved but now I think that I am too 'old' for the training. Thanks to the so-called SSM I have to attend this course for the 4th time in my life! (Actually because I know that my stamina level is so low these days that I am reluctant to go. But I hope that there'll be tonnes of gorgeous guys to 'cuci mata.')
My dad has been nagging about me settling down. The thing is that it's not that I don't want to, but I have not found anyone to fit in the description of my partner. My dad said that he'll only give me four months to settle down and he is serious.
Four months?! What can I do in four months? Get to know the 'candidate' might even take longer. And making sure that I can cope with the fact of sharing the rest of my life with him is another thing to sit down and consider. I just sat there laughing at the idea.
I thought that it will end. I mean the urging-me-to-settle-down-in-four-months. But I guess that he is seriuos because that matter came up last night after helding a kenduri tahlil and kesyukuran as my dad will be performing his Haj (on behalf of my Tok (his late mother)). I guess he is seriuos and said that I better make plans of my life and have a target in life (which I do have, but the matter of settling down has passed three years ago).
I am not saying that I am against men or marriage. When the time comes, I'd love to get married and have kids. But the thing is that, I haven't found anyone who would want to share his life with me. I hope that I am not sounding desparate here. But don't get me wrong. Most of the people are pointing fingers at single women. And a recent survey that was published in the papers said that 70% of career women are single. Who can understand more about what's happening and the cause of this other than a single-career-women herself right?
I once told this matter to a friend of mine (who happens to be the opposite sex and I was attracted to once). He said that women are too choosy in searching for their life partners. I said that of course that we need to choose because we are sharing our lives and we need to find someone that we can trust, be our friend when we need one and a shoulder to cry on. He agreed on that but he said that sometimes men (not all and according to him - no offense) are a bit 'dumb' when it comes to sensitivity. So, if a woman likes a particular man, just make a move and give him hints about our feelings. I'd have to disagree on that because I still hold strong on the saying of 'jangan jadi perigi yang cari timba'.
I don't know why but I just feel uncomfortable to be the one starting the sparks of a relationship. But I do know that when it's 'late' I regret by not making the first move when I know that that particular person also has feelings for me.
So, guys and girls out there, if you feel that you have found your partner out there, don't hesitate to try the waters. You'll never know what you'll find.
Have a great week everyone!
Am i really never good enough for you?
11:58 AM
0 commented
11:58 AM
0 commented