Friday, July 29, 2005
♥ Tentang Dia
Ada yang hilang
Ketika kau hilang
Hatiku, jiwaku
Ada yang pergi
Tika kau pergi
Senyumku, tawaku
Hidupku ikut hilang bersamamu
Cintaku ikut pergi bersamamu
Sementara ku masih di sini
Seperti gerimis yang lebih menyenangkan daripada hujan
Seperti berjalan yang lebih membuatku tenang daripada berlari
Dan gelap yang membuatku lebih aman daripada terang
Kesedihan tidak pernah membiarkan kebahagiaan datang sendirian ke dalam hidup manusia
Padahal seringkali kita tidak punya cukup persediaan
Untuk menjaminnya persamaan
Begitu banyak rasa sakit dan kehilangan dalam hidup aku
Padahal hidup terlalu singkat buat semua rasa itu
Beruntunglah manusia yang tahu apa yang mereka cari
Dan diberi cukup waktu untuk mencari
Kerana aku tak punya cukup waktu untuk itu
Bahkan untuk sekadar mengetahui apa yang aku cari
*taken from the film Tentang Dia. Love the words as if it is taken from my experience. *sigh*
Ketika kau hilang
Hatiku, jiwaku
Ada yang pergi
Tika kau pergi
Senyumku, tawaku
Hidupku ikut hilang bersamamu
Cintaku ikut pergi bersamamu
Sementara ku masih di sini
Seperti gerimis yang lebih menyenangkan daripada hujan
Seperti berjalan yang lebih membuatku tenang daripada berlari
Dan gelap yang membuatku lebih aman daripada terang
Kesedihan tidak pernah membiarkan kebahagiaan datang sendirian ke dalam hidup manusia
Padahal seringkali kita tidak punya cukup persediaan
Untuk menjaminnya persamaan
Begitu banyak rasa sakit dan kehilangan dalam hidup aku
Padahal hidup terlalu singkat buat semua rasa itu
Beruntunglah manusia yang tahu apa yang mereka cari
Dan diberi cukup waktu untuk mencari
Kerana aku tak punya cukup waktu untuk itu
Bahkan untuk sekadar mengetahui apa yang aku cari
*taken from the film Tentang Dia. Love the words as if it is taken from my experience. *sigh*
Am i really never good enough for you?
10:09 AM
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10:09 AM
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Wednesday, July 27, 2005
♥ A Lot Like Love
Have you ever fallen in love from the first time setting your eyes on that particular person (opposite sex)? You are staring into each others eyes and you feel your heart is beating faster, and butterflies are singing and dancing in your stomach and you feel like the there is nothing else in the world?
People say that that is when you have been struck by cupid's arrow. And the saying is that the eyes have the main power to your inner feelings. Dari mata turun ke hati.
A friend of mine said the same thing too. He will never fall in love with a women that does not make his knees go weak and his heart melt. He has tonnes of girlfriends but none of them are his special girlfriend. Then came this girl from which he has been friends with a long time ago and is still friends. He would always pour out all his problems that he is having with his girlfriends and vice versa. He told me that this girl has been giving him weak knees since he first laid eyes on her. But back then, they were speechless. And suddenly he proposed and they are happily married (well actually just married).
I just finished watching A Lot Like Love and the same thing happened in the story. But I wonder why is it that it is hard to convince ourselves that the person we have been turning to is the right person? I mean our other half.
Maybe we have been busy searching for the perfect person but we do not realize that we are not perfect. How can we wait for the perfect guy to come along and expect the same when we ourselves have weaknesses? Something seriuos to think about.
As Jerry McGuire said to Renee Zellwegger - You complete me. So go out and find the person that completes you. You will appreciate that person and feel appreciated. Leave the rest to the magic of love.
People say that that is when you have been struck by cupid's arrow. And the saying is that the eyes have the main power to your inner feelings. Dari mata turun ke hati.
A friend of mine said the same thing too. He will never fall in love with a women that does not make his knees go weak and his heart melt. He has tonnes of girlfriends but none of them are his special girlfriend. Then came this girl from which he has been friends with a long time ago and is still friends. He would always pour out all his problems that he is having with his girlfriends and vice versa. He told me that this girl has been giving him weak knees since he first laid eyes on her. But back then, they were speechless. And suddenly he proposed and they are happily married (well actually just married).
I just finished watching A Lot Like Love and the same thing happened in the story. But I wonder why is it that it is hard to convince ourselves that the person we have been turning to is the right person? I mean our other half.
Maybe we have been busy searching for the perfect person but we do not realize that we are not perfect. How can we wait for the perfect guy to come along and expect the same when we ourselves have weaknesses? Something seriuos to think about.
As Jerry McGuire said to Renee Zellwegger - You complete me. So go out and find the person that completes you. You will appreciate that person and feel appreciated. Leave the rest to the magic of love.
Am i really never good enough for you?
5:20 PM
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5:20 PM
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Monday, July 25, 2005
♥ Extremely exhausted
Throughout the whole week last week, I was unable to update my blog eventhough I really wanted to. I had a lot of things on my mind to pour out but I didn't have any spare time to do so. I was working my brains out and by 5.00 pm every day, I would be shivering and my head would pound so bad that I thought at times it felt like I had a time-bomb in my head waiting to explode! But it didn't stop me to go back at 10pm everyday.
Well, all the hard work ended last Saturday night. I was to exhausted to comment on anything but one thing for sure, I doubt all the effort and hard work was worth it because here and there, people kept saying things should be like this, not like that and so on. Well, I don't even care now because for all I know, that night was history, I gave my best, everyone did their best and I felt relieved. Well, nobody's perfect so they should be some mistakes here and there.
I had to miss AF and my favourite song sung by Mawi. Not that I am a fanatic fan of Mawi, well, I am a fan of Mawi because of his humbleness and honesty, but because of that particular song. Especially this part:
Baru ku sadari,
Cintaku bertepuk sebelah tangan....
Experienced it? Emm.. maybe. Anyway, I had to sacrifice that live concert on Astro for the event. One thing for sure, I had the chance to meet Javard for the first time. It was a good way of surprising him. He looked surprised knowing that it was me in front of him. Betul tak J? Anyway, it is nice finally having the chance to meet you since I have been a fan of your blog for quite some time.
The event on Saturday night ended at 12 and reached home at 1.20 am! My parents were still up waiting for me to come back. I had to make sure that everything was okay and nothing was left behind at the venue of the event. My mom said that my dad was worried sick because it was past midnight and his daughter has not reached home at that time. Well, in a way, that was the first time arriving home late from an event within 30km radius from my house (well, my curfew is at 8pm on weekdays and 7.00pm on weekends).
I spent Sunday watching the repeat of the AF concert at channel 15 and my head kept on throbbing. I went back to the venue of the event because I left my belonging there while rushing to get home last night. And at 4.30pm, I spent my afternoon at Alamanda Putrajaya. Arriving there, I was heading to the first floor and on the escalator, I saw a familiar face in The Chicken Rice Shop. I just stood on the escalator and stared at that person waiting for her to turn her head. As if sensing that someone was staring at her, she looked up and returned my gaze. I was waving and so was she. Reaching the first floor, I took the escalator back to go downstairs and there she was, Kak Rose with her husband and daughter. I guess the others (her children) were around but not at the table. It has been quite sometime since we last went out for outings together. I think it was album launching. Betul tak Kak Rose? ;) . It was great to see you again. Miss the old days.
This morning, after reaching the office (I had to drag myself), I browsed blogs that I love reading but could not read last week due to workload and found out that my bro is not so well and decided to rest from blogging. Abg Badrul, hope that you recover and do get some rest (see.. I love saying this to people but I never do get the rest my body craves for). Do not pressure yourself too much (another valueble advice but never followed). Hopefully everything will go well.
And now, I feel like I need a break.
Well, all the hard work ended last Saturday night. I was to exhausted to comment on anything but one thing for sure, I doubt all the effort and hard work was worth it because here and there, people kept saying things should be like this, not like that and so on. Well, I don't even care now because for all I know, that night was history, I gave my best, everyone did their best and I felt relieved. Well, nobody's perfect so they should be some mistakes here and there.
I had to miss AF and my favourite song sung by Mawi. Not that I am a fanatic fan of Mawi, well, I am a fan of Mawi because of his humbleness and honesty, but because of that particular song. Especially this part:
Baru ku sadari,
Cintaku bertepuk sebelah tangan....
Experienced it? Emm.. maybe. Anyway, I had to sacrifice that live concert on Astro for the event. One thing for sure, I had the chance to meet Javard for the first time. It was a good way of surprising him. He looked surprised knowing that it was me in front of him. Betul tak J? Anyway, it is nice finally having the chance to meet you since I have been a fan of your blog for quite some time.
The event on Saturday night ended at 12 and reached home at 1.20 am! My parents were still up waiting for me to come back. I had to make sure that everything was okay and nothing was left behind at the venue of the event. My mom said that my dad was worried sick because it was past midnight and his daughter has not reached home at that time. Well, in a way, that was the first time arriving home late from an event within 30km radius from my house (well, my curfew is at 8pm on weekdays and 7.00pm on weekends).
I spent Sunday watching the repeat of the AF concert at channel 15 and my head kept on throbbing. I went back to the venue of the event because I left my belonging there while rushing to get home last night. And at 4.30pm, I spent my afternoon at Alamanda Putrajaya. Arriving there, I was heading to the first floor and on the escalator, I saw a familiar face in The Chicken Rice Shop. I just stood on the escalator and stared at that person waiting for her to turn her head. As if sensing that someone was staring at her, she looked up and returned my gaze. I was waving and so was she. Reaching the first floor, I took the escalator back to go downstairs and there she was, Kak Rose with her husband and daughter. I guess the others (her children) were around but not at the table. It has been quite sometime since we last went out for outings together. I think it was album launching. Betul tak Kak Rose? ;) . It was great to see you again. Miss the old days.
This morning, after reaching the office (I had to drag myself), I browsed blogs that I love reading but could not read last week due to workload and found out that my bro is not so well and decided to rest from blogging. Abg Badrul, hope that you recover and do get some rest (see.. I love saying this to people but I never do get the rest my body craves for). Do not pressure yourself too much (another valueble advice but never followed). Hopefully everything will go well.
And now, I feel like I need a break.
Am i really never good enough for you?
11:34 AM
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11:34 AM
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Thursday, July 14, 2005
♥ Just for laughs... No hard feelings...
I received this email just a few minutes ago. Am still in the office with tonnes of things to settle. Anyway, I did laugh when I read this joke. So, I thought since I don't think that I can update this blog with my own idea, I guess I'll share this joke with others here in my blog.
Here it goes -
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room,
where their family member lay gravely ill.
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed
the worried faces. "The only hope left
for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an
experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay
for the brain yourselves."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After
a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a
brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and
$200 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the
room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but
some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity,
blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask. "Why is the male
brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and so to the
entire group said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to
mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually
been used, whilst the men's are usually unused at all."
Here it goes -
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room,
where their family member lay gravely ill.
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed
the worried faces. "The only hope left
for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an
experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay
for the brain yourselves."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After
a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a
brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and
$200 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the
room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but
some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity,
blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask. "Why is the male
brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and so to the
entire group said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to
mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually
been used, whilst the men's are usually unused at all."
Am i really never good enough for you?
6:02 PM
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6:02 PM
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Monday, July 11, 2005
♥ London Blast - A Lesson to be Learnt
Recently, we have been shocked by the news that Central London has been blasted. Well, not the whole centre of London but several underground stations and double-decker buses.
Imagining the whole scenario was a bit scary to me. You would never know that today would be 'the day' to die. I am truly thankful to Allah because I am still alive today. What if I was there among the people using the underground as the main transportation to work?
Let me rewind my day and change the location of where I am now. Zuzzz... in my time capsule on Thursday morning in London.
Waking up and being as usual, fresh and happy for a good day start. I am heading for work in my suit and stopping by the cafe to get my dose of caffeine. I am enjoying my cappucino on a sunny and windy summer in London. As usual, I swipped my monthly underground ticket and waited for the next train to arrive at West Brompton station. Checked my PDA to see any appointments for today and spotted an appointment with a client at 10 am.
In my head, I was planning to have lunch in Restoran Mawar - a Malaysian restaurant in London since I have been craving for sambal belacan.
The train arrived and I pushed my way in with my half empty cup of cappucino and a newspaper in my other hand along with my document bag slinged on my left shoulder. The train is rather full at this time of day with people on their way to work.
Suddenly, the train stopped abruptly and everything went pitch black. Everyone seemed to panic! But I remained calm on the outside but paniced on the inside.
What is happening? Am I going to die? Is this 'the time'? I have not ask forgiveness from my parents in Malaysia. I have been staying here to work without their blessings. I have not been a good muslim. Will I ever have the chance to ask forgiveness from The Almighty?
-Back to reality-
What if that was what really happened to me? Would I be prepared? NO. I have been neglecting simple things like I have never even asked forgiveness or blessings everyday before going to work from my parents. I would just wake up, get ready and go to work without even asking for forgiveness and their blessings. Before this, it may be difficult (that's my excuse actually) since we don't go to work at the same time. But since my dad has retired and is at home nowadays, I have never made the move to change that. I have always envied my neighbour, Zul (I have mentioned him earlier in one of my postings), will always ask for his parents' blessings before heading of to work. I find it very touching. But I have never done that before. Well, I have, but not everyday.
Another thing is that I have been saving my money (or maybe spending) for other occasions like buying my dream car (well, just a car to own - myself), dreaming of buying a property, savings to get married and going on a vacation to Switzerland maybe end of this year (well, it's just a dream and a motivator to save money)or buy make-up, handbags, shoes, clothes etc. I have never thought of maybe putting a target to do my Haj in my young years seriously. I do have the hope of doing my Haj in my younger years rather than waiting for me to be too old to do it on myself, but never took it really serious.
After the incident, it made me think a couple of changes that I have to make in my life. They may be small, but at least I have learnt a lesson from the tragedy. From tomorrow onwards, I will ask blessings from my parents before going to work and I would allocate money from my monthly salary to save it for my Haj so that I can perform my Haj in my younger years. And one more important thing is to increase my 'amalan' - not only the wajib ones, but also the sunat as well.
At least if 'the time' arrives in a sudden, I would at least be somewhat prepared if not totally prepared. Moga Allah memberi kekuatan untuk melaksanakan azam yang ditanam. Amin.
Imagining the whole scenario was a bit scary to me. You would never know that today would be 'the day' to die. I am truly thankful to Allah because I am still alive today. What if I was there among the people using the underground as the main transportation to work?
Let me rewind my day and change the location of where I am now. Zuzzz... in my time capsule on Thursday morning in London.
Waking up and being as usual, fresh and happy for a good day start. I am heading for work in my suit and stopping by the cafe to get my dose of caffeine. I am enjoying my cappucino on a sunny and windy summer in London. As usual, I swipped my monthly underground ticket and waited for the next train to arrive at West Brompton station. Checked my PDA to see any appointments for today and spotted an appointment with a client at 10 am.
In my head, I was planning to have lunch in Restoran Mawar - a Malaysian restaurant in London since I have been craving for sambal belacan.
The train arrived and I pushed my way in with my half empty cup of cappucino and a newspaper in my other hand along with my document bag slinged on my left shoulder. The train is rather full at this time of day with people on their way to work.
Suddenly, the train stopped abruptly and everything went pitch black. Everyone seemed to panic! But I remained calm on the outside but paniced on the inside.
What is happening? Am I going to die? Is this 'the time'? I have not ask forgiveness from my parents in Malaysia. I have been staying here to work without their blessings. I have not been a good muslim. Will I ever have the chance to ask forgiveness from The Almighty?
-Back to reality-
What if that was what really happened to me? Would I be prepared? NO. I have been neglecting simple things like I have never even asked forgiveness or blessings everyday before going to work from my parents. I would just wake up, get ready and go to work without even asking for forgiveness and their blessings. Before this, it may be difficult (that's my excuse actually) since we don't go to work at the same time. But since my dad has retired and is at home nowadays, I have never made the move to change that. I have always envied my neighbour, Zul (I have mentioned him earlier in one of my postings), will always ask for his parents' blessings before heading of to work. I find it very touching. But I have never done that before. Well, I have, but not everyday.
Another thing is that I have been saving my money (or maybe spending) for other occasions like buying my dream car (well, just a car to own - myself), dreaming of buying a property, savings to get married and going on a vacation to Switzerland maybe end of this year (well, it's just a dream and a motivator to save money)or buy make-up, handbags, shoes, clothes etc. I have never thought of maybe putting a target to do my Haj in my young years seriously. I do have the hope of doing my Haj in my younger years rather than waiting for me to be too old to do it on myself, but never took it really serious.
After the incident, it made me think a couple of changes that I have to make in my life. They may be small, but at least I have learnt a lesson from the tragedy. From tomorrow onwards, I will ask blessings from my parents before going to work and I would allocate money from my monthly salary to save it for my Haj so that I can perform my Haj in my younger years. And one more important thing is to increase my 'amalan' - not only the wajib ones, but also the sunat as well.
At least if 'the time' arrives in a sudden, I would at least be somewhat prepared if not totally prepared. Moga Allah memberi kekuatan untuk melaksanakan azam yang ditanam. Amin.
Am i really never good enough for you?
6:47 PM
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6:47 PM
0 commented
Friday, July 08, 2005
♥ Happy Birthday Kak N!!!
Today, 8th July 2005 is Kak N's birthday. I wish her happiness, joy, success throughout this year. I have known Kak N since 2002. and the reason that our friendship or more like sistership started to bond was because of a guy. A very special guy in our lives not just to me or Kak N, but the whole group of FCK.
What does FCK stand for? Fan Club Khai. Yes guys, Khai from AF1. That's what made it happen. The Mohamad Khairul Nizam Mohamad Wahi that used to work in a financial institution in JB. The guy who's famous with Dambaan Pilu, Kisah Lalu and Benarkah Dia along with several other songs. The guy who is gossiped with Rosma from AF1 and Zarina from AF2 (I am wondering who he will be gossiped with from AF3.. ha..ha..). Yup, that's the guy.
That guy created a bond between the die hard fan (are we?). Our first meeting among fans were during the planning session of Khai's birthday party. And this was the idea of a man that truly believed in us and Khai - Abg Badrul. Without his first step, the first gathering of Khai's fans would never be a reality. Thanks a million Abg Badrul. You are truly one brother and a friend to us.
Back to the days when we first met, we were just using the Yahoogroups to interact with each other. Then came the phone number exchange among the true hard core fans that would sit in front of the pc everyday replying messages in the YG which made some of the members furious because of full inbox of messages that were 'crap' to them. I can even remember an incident where one person sent an email to another YG the purpose and the use of that YG which somewhat made us think that the email was meant to our YG. Well, what the heck right? You don't like us sending those emails to you, don't choose personal emails. Better read it on the YG itself or better to not join the YG!
So, we went on talking through emails and then came the smses and finally, we had to meet up to organize the gathering. I am a bit shy in appearing in 'blind dates'. But then I had to be there because I would not be able to be at the gathering itself.
We decided to meet at KLCC since some of us uses the public transport (including me) to get around KL. And we met there at 3.00 pm (since my curfew is at 6.45pm). See? Eventhough they have not met me, they know and care things about me. So, for the first time, I was blushing and felt kind of awkward meeting them. I was a bit quiet at first. And then, we started to have fun organizing and planning the event. From that day onwards, we have been friends and are like a family now.
As I sit back staring at the clock now, 12.00 am - I am smiling at my monitor remembering the memories we had and the first meeting that took place. Even in our conversations in YG, Kak N will address herself as a mama vogue, I second the nickname and totally agreed with her after our first meeting in KLCC. Kak N IS A MAMA VOGUE!!
Guys, where ever you are, Tiesya, Alang, Kak Rose, Kak N, Kak Mimi, Shai, Abg Badrul, Khai, Achik, Along, Feeda - I really miss those times and you guys!!
What does FCK stand for? Fan Club Khai. Yes guys, Khai from AF1. That's what made it happen. The Mohamad Khairul Nizam Mohamad Wahi that used to work in a financial institution in JB. The guy who's famous with Dambaan Pilu, Kisah Lalu and Benarkah Dia along with several other songs. The guy who is gossiped with Rosma from AF1 and Zarina from AF2 (I am wondering who he will be gossiped with from AF3.. ha..ha..). Yup, that's the guy.
That guy created a bond between the die hard fan (are we?). Our first meeting among fans were during the planning session of Khai's birthday party. And this was the idea of a man that truly believed in us and Khai - Abg Badrul. Without his first step, the first gathering of Khai's fans would never be a reality. Thanks a million Abg Badrul. You are truly one brother and a friend to us.
Back to the days when we first met, we were just using the Yahoogroups to interact with each other. Then came the phone number exchange among the true hard core fans that would sit in front of the pc everyday replying messages in the YG which made some of the members furious because of full inbox of messages that were 'crap' to them. I can even remember an incident where one person sent an email to another YG the purpose and the use of that YG which somewhat made us think that the email was meant to our YG. Well, what the heck right? You don't like us sending those emails to you, don't choose personal emails. Better read it on the YG itself or better to not join the YG!
So, we went on talking through emails and then came the smses and finally, we had to meet up to organize the gathering. I am a bit shy in appearing in 'blind dates'. But then I had to be there because I would not be able to be at the gathering itself.
We decided to meet at KLCC since some of us uses the public transport (including me) to get around KL. And we met there at 3.00 pm (since my curfew is at 6.45pm). See? Eventhough they have not met me, they know and care things about me. So, for the first time, I was blushing and felt kind of awkward meeting them. I was a bit quiet at first. And then, we started to have fun organizing and planning the event. From that day onwards, we have been friends and are like a family now.
As I sit back staring at the clock now, 12.00 am - I am smiling at my monitor remembering the memories we had and the first meeting that took place. Even in our conversations in YG, Kak N will address herself as a mama vogue, I second the nickname and totally agreed with her after our first meeting in KLCC. Kak N IS A MAMA VOGUE!!
Guys, where ever you are, Tiesya, Alang, Kak Rose, Kak N, Kak Mimi, Shai, Abg Badrul, Khai, Achik, Along, Feeda - I really miss those times and you guys!!
Am i really never good enough for you?
12:01 AM
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12:01 AM
0 commented
Thursday, July 07, 2005
♥ Urgent Meeting?
Last night, I watched the daily episodes of Akademi Fantasia. And they were showing the part where the students were discussing about Amylea. The students had an urgent meeting with Puan Siti Hajar to settle the problem.
Can you imagine being the cause for a meeting? I mean not a good cause like celebrating a victory or success of a project or a promotion, but because some of them do not like a certain trait in a person. In the first place, why do they have to raise this issue as a big problem? Settle it like adults please.
Well, maybe they are not adults yet. But the thing is that last night's episode made me remember the same incident that happened to me in form 1. I really hate that school and my seniors until today . If I meet them anywhere, I would just ignore them and maybe people might say that I would pull my stark up face . Well, that incident made me change and made me think.
I was enrolled in a semi-boarding school and I was staying in the hostel. Once being an active schoolgirl changed me when I was accepted to join a sekolah agama. The first few months, I was told not to do this, not to do that but my seniors were allowed to do whatever they want but we, the juniors were not allowed to do it because it was 'haram'. Well, not that word, but it meant something like that. I felt like it was a cultural shock to an active schoolgirl who likes to play sports and join the debate competition.
The girls' hostel will have a meeting almost every weekend just to inform all the students regarding new regulations or any activity happening the next week. The 'other' purpose is also to brainwash the juniors and tegur apa-apa yang they do not like us doing (ie. flirting with the seniors - guys).
I was a bit curious why in all the meetings I attended for the first 6 months, my name has not appeared in any of the meetings. I know that I am not perfect and I do have things that may not seem appropriate for juniors doing them. But I was never mentioned in the meetings for my so-called wrongdoings according to them.
But things changed. It was a Friday night, and there was this 'special' meeting called for. I was acting normal to expect new information regarding the activities. But I was wrong. The first thing that the head of the girls' hostel was the purpose of the 'special' meeting called was to tegur me.
I was surprised as I was curious to know why. And then it all started. My seniors accused me of being too friendly with the canteen staff (he was a guy and I have never talked to him except say thank you after serving lunch in our trays and that was done with NO EYE CONTACT!) How can they accuse me of flirting with him? And the best part was that they made up stories saying that I gave my name and my phone number to him! When I said I have never done that at all, and I even swore in God's name, they said that they have the number. I was furious so I asked for the number if they really have proof. And they said that the number was with another senior in another hostel. I was like so furious and I just sat there staring at them waiting to eat them alive!
The second reason was because a popular senior (guy) 'rejected' a senior and was said that that guy liked me. Ha..ha.. very funny. And that senior took it seriously and made up stories that I was again flirting with him. Puhleez.. I had a lot of other things to think about than flirting! Why were they so jealous of me? Why? I never found out why but I guess I grew up thinking that I may be a bit prettier than them. Ha..ha.. padan muka!
And the last reason was that I was always alone and had no close friends. I did have close friends but they did not accept my answers. They just said that I was always alone and I thought that I was too good for them. My goodness.. how can they think of me like that? I admit that I like using my quiet time in being alone because I have time to think about my past, present and future. And I will study what went wrong or what should I do and so on. Like muhasabah diri. But I didn't know that by being alone, it triggered their hatred towards me.
In the end, because I was so furious, I just sat there after being tired to defend myself beacuse I knew that in the end, they will never stop giving excuses when I want proof.
That particular day, I became more matured and I knew I had grown up. And I have always believed that by being open, people will accept anything that people may say about you.
Can you imagine being the cause for a meeting? I mean not a good cause like celebrating a victory or success of a project or a promotion, but because some of them do not like a certain trait in a person. In the first place, why do they have to raise this issue as a big problem? Settle it like adults please.
Well, maybe they are not adults yet. But the thing is that last night's episode made me remember the same incident that happened to me in form 1. I really hate that school and my seniors until today . If I meet them anywhere, I would just ignore them and maybe people might say that I would pull my stark up face . Well, that incident made me change and made me think.
I was enrolled in a semi-boarding school and I was staying in the hostel. Once being an active schoolgirl changed me when I was accepted to join a sekolah agama. The first few months, I was told not to do this, not to do that but my seniors were allowed to do whatever they want but we, the juniors were not allowed to do it because it was 'haram'. Well, not that word, but it meant something like that. I felt like it was a cultural shock to an active schoolgirl who likes to play sports and join the debate competition.
The girls' hostel will have a meeting almost every weekend just to inform all the students regarding new regulations or any activity happening the next week. The 'other' purpose is also to brainwash the juniors and tegur apa-apa yang they do not like us doing (ie. flirting with the seniors - guys).
I was a bit curious why in all the meetings I attended for the first 6 months, my name has not appeared in any of the meetings. I know that I am not perfect and I do have things that may not seem appropriate for juniors doing them. But I was never mentioned in the meetings for my so-called wrongdoings according to them.
But things changed. It was a Friday night, and there was this 'special' meeting called for. I was acting normal to expect new information regarding the activities. But I was wrong. The first thing that the head of the girls' hostel was the purpose of the 'special' meeting called was to tegur me.
I was surprised as I was curious to know why. And then it all started. My seniors accused me of being too friendly with the canteen staff (he was a guy and I have never talked to him except say thank you after serving lunch in our trays and that was done with NO EYE CONTACT!) How can they accuse me of flirting with him? And the best part was that they made up stories saying that I gave my name and my phone number to him! When I said I have never done that at all, and I even swore in God's name, they said that they have the number. I was furious so I asked for the number if they really have proof. And they said that the number was with another senior in another hostel. I was like so furious and I just sat there staring at them waiting to eat them alive!
The second reason was because a popular senior (guy) 'rejected' a senior and was said that that guy liked me. Ha..ha.. very funny. And that senior took it seriously and made up stories that I was again flirting with him. Puhleez.. I had a lot of other things to think about than flirting! Why were they so jealous of me? Why? I never found out why but I guess I grew up thinking that I may be a bit prettier than them. Ha..ha.. padan muka!
And the last reason was that I was always alone and had no close friends. I did have close friends but they did not accept my answers. They just said that I was always alone and I thought that I was too good for them. My goodness.. how can they think of me like that? I admit that I like using my quiet time in being alone because I have time to think about my past, present and future. And I will study what went wrong or what should I do and so on. Like muhasabah diri. But I didn't know that by being alone, it triggered their hatred towards me.
In the end, because I was so furious, I just sat there after being tired to defend myself beacuse I knew that in the end, they will never stop giving excuses when I want proof.
That particular day, I became more matured and I knew I had grown up. And I have always believed that by being open, people will accept anything that people may say about you.
Am i really never good enough for you?
2:20 PM
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2:20 PM
0 commented
Monday, July 04, 2005
♥ Futsal
Last Saturday, Anseri organized an interbatch futsal match. Teams that showed up were only 4 teams out of 18 teams. But I guess that was quite a success because to gather teams from 18 batches is quite difficult. And this is the first time an interbatch match is organized. Kudos to the organizers and the team managers.
I really like watching football and futsal. The match was scheduled at 4 pm and I was out on my way at 11 am! I went to Sunway Pyramid and had lunch with a friend and since it was quite early, I went window shopping. I was thinking of grabbing a new handbag for casual use. So, I went from one store to another. I then ended up at Vincci and I told myself that I won't be getting a new pair of shows since I have quite a number of pairs that I haven't worn that I bought last year.
But as you can see, women can not resist buying when it comes to shoes, handbags and clothes. Pendek kata, kalau pasal shopping, memang tak boleh nak tahan. So, I got a new pair of stilettos and I don't know when I would wear them. Maybe tomorrow I guess.
I then went to the supermarket to buy tidbits for the match. I bought grapes, mineral water and some junk foods to munch at the bench. I also went to Secret Recipe to buy a slice of cake for my friend who celebrated her birthday on the 1st of July. But instead of buying just one slice, I bought 3 just in case the others went drooling for that particular piece of cake.
I arrived at the place at 3.00 pm. I just sat there in the car while waiting for other familiar faces to arrive. I was in the car for about one hour. Actually, there had been several faces arriving before 4 pm. But I guess since they were most guys, so, I didn't joined them.
My friends arrived and we went to the court that the match was going to take place. I set down the tidbits and gave my friend the cake and we were there on a picnic. I laughed because we were supposed to be there to watch the match. But instead, my classmates (even the futsal players) gathered around us and had cakes, tidbits and fruits as well. We were having a mini picnic in the futsal place.
Back to the futsal match, I watched the players from my batch. Some of the guys are still the same 'size' as they were in school 10 years back. But most of them have gained weight after tying the knot.
But in my case, it is a bit different. Well, since starting my job, I have somewhat 'retired' from all sports event. Netball, volleyball, chess and even taekwando. I have retired playing all sorts of games. I miss those years actually. Having taekwando training and playing volleyball and juggling my schedule with chess practice. I don't know how I can live without playing those games.
I still remember my schooldays during taekwando. I would be a bit happy and lazy to go to training. But because my instructor was a handsome chinese guy, I would be at the training on time.
And one incident that I can not forget about taekwando is during my first tournament. I was still new in taekwando but I had to spare with a brown belt holder. Can you guys imagine a white belter sparing with a brown belt holder? I suddenly lost my steps and my tactics after seeing my opponent's belt. And the funniest part was that I surrendered in round 3 after nearly crying like a baby in the ring! Ha..ha.. Nasib baik belum berguling je lagi. :)
It's not that I was that afraid, but I felt like I was being the punching bag of my opponent when I didn't know what to do in the ring. I acted as though I have never learned anything about taekwando. When I think about it now, I would always laugh. I chickened out in the ring. But that was the first encounter. After that, I did took part in other tournaments but just got to third place. Well that's quite good right?
So, don't mess with me or else I'll give a flying kick to you guys.. he..he..
I really like watching football and futsal. The match was scheduled at 4 pm and I was out on my way at 11 am! I went to Sunway Pyramid and had lunch with a friend and since it was quite early, I went window shopping. I was thinking of grabbing a new handbag for casual use. So, I went from one store to another. I then ended up at Vincci and I told myself that I won't be getting a new pair of shows since I have quite a number of pairs that I haven't worn that I bought last year.
But as you can see, women can not resist buying when it comes to shoes, handbags and clothes. Pendek kata, kalau pasal shopping, memang tak boleh nak tahan. So, I got a new pair of stilettos and I don't know when I would wear them. Maybe tomorrow I guess.
I then went to the supermarket to buy tidbits for the match. I bought grapes, mineral water and some junk foods to munch at the bench. I also went to Secret Recipe to buy a slice of cake for my friend who celebrated her birthday on the 1st of July. But instead of buying just one slice, I bought 3 just in case the others went drooling for that particular piece of cake.
I arrived at the place at 3.00 pm. I just sat there in the car while waiting for other familiar faces to arrive. I was in the car for about one hour. Actually, there had been several faces arriving before 4 pm. But I guess since they were most guys, so, I didn't joined them.
My friends arrived and we went to the court that the match was going to take place. I set down the tidbits and gave my friend the cake and we were there on a picnic. I laughed because we were supposed to be there to watch the match. But instead, my classmates (even the futsal players) gathered around us and had cakes, tidbits and fruits as well. We were having a mini picnic in the futsal place.
Back to the futsal match, I watched the players from my batch. Some of the guys are still the same 'size' as they were in school 10 years back. But most of them have gained weight after tying the knot.
But in my case, it is a bit different. Well, since starting my job, I have somewhat 'retired' from all sports event. Netball, volleyball, chess and even taekwando. I have retired playing all sorts of games. I miss those years actually. Having taekwando training and playing volleyball and juggling my schedule with chess practice. I don't know how I can live without playing those games.
I still remember my schooldays during taekwando. I would be a bit happy and lazy to go to training. But because my instructor was a handsome chinese guy, I would be at the training on time.
And one incident that I can not forget about taekwando is during my first tournament. I was still new in taekwando but I had to spare with a brown belt holder. Can you guys imagine a white belter sparing with a brown belt holder? I suddenly lost my steps and my tactics after seeing my opponent's belt. And the funniest part was that I surrendered in round 3 after nearly crying like a baby in the ring! Ha..ha.. Nasib baik belum berguling je lagi. :)
It's not that I was that afraid, but I felt like I was being the punching bag of my opponent when I didn't know what to do in the ring. I acted as though I have never learned anything about taekwando. When I think about it now, I would always laugh. I chickened out in the ring. But that was the first encounter. After that, I did took part in other tournaments but just got to third place. Well that's quite good right?
So, don't mess with me or else I'll give a flying kick to you guys.. he..he..
Am i really never good enough for you?
2:36 PM
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2:36 PM
0 commented