Monday, June 27, 2005
♥ Girlfriends vs Boyfriends
Yeeehaaa... starting this week, people at the government sector will only have to work 5 days a week. And the best part was the way I had to celebrate my last working Saturday with having to attend a course for a whole day! Anyway I enjoyed the course so much that I didn't even realize it was already 5 o'clock. And I was like 'oh my God... I have a football match to cheer!!'
So, I gathered up all my things and went straight to the field in Mardi. Arriving there, only then I realize that I was in my baju kurung. I felt like wanita melayu terakhir yang paling ayu at the field. Due to my attire, kat tepi padang pun duduk bersimpuh sebab dah ayu sangat kan. Ha..ha.. Anyway, when I arrived, I met my friends and watched the match. The thing was that we lost the match but had a great time watching them play even I was scratching all over because sitting at the field tanpa alas apa-apa. But I maintained ayu la.
Actually, I was there with my other girlfriends to cheer a classmate who was representing Anseri in the game. One of the best friend ever that I had. It's not that we're not best friends anymore, but it seems that we have grown apart from each other with our busy lives.
I guess most of you have watched My Best Friend's Wedding right? The part where Julianne (Julia Roberts) was best friends with the handsome Micheal (Dermot Mulroney). My friendship with that person was almost like the friendship between Julianne and Micheal but takdela pulak berjanji akan kahwin dengan masing-masing kalau by 28 kami tak kahwin!
The friendship is a sincere friendship where we can tell anything to that person. It is actually different between a girlfriend and a boyfriend as a best friend. The bond is like you can be yourself and be a bit b*tchy with guys because they won't say anything. Well not infront of your face though.
I knew this guy since 1994. It has been 10 years and we have been best friends since 1997. And I can share almost anything with him and he will share anything with me and that includes his encounter with somebody's wife who really liked him more than she was supposed to and he was nearly sued by the husband. On my side, I would share everything including my personal problems. I know that I can count on him and he would be there for me anytime I have anything on my mind and vice versa.
Everything changed after sometime. We have been busy living our lives and sometimes I would feel like I would bother him if I call him. I know that it is not so true but I have a feeling that he does feel that way. Anyway, after I knew that he would be playing for Anseri, I just wanted to go there and watch him play. Usually I would inform him if there was any event organized and if I'd be joining the event as well. But since early this year, I have not contacted him at all! I was hurt somewhere in our friendship. So, there I was last Saturday at the football field cheering and giving support to the players and then I saw him directly infront of me in the field with his jersey on and running in the field trying to score a goal for our team.
Suddenly a feeling of guilt, hurt, happy, glad, and all the sweet memories came to my mind in a flash. It was as though I was watching a playback of our friendship in my mind. I was indeed happy and at the same time sad. I was torn between a lot of different feelings in my heart. But as people say, the women's ego is sometime bigger than the men's ego.
I knew he spotted me at the field. After the game, I got up and headed to my car. My friends wanted to get a head start back because they wanted to catch the AF concert and they had to go back to Subang. I followed them as it was nearly Maghrib and my curfew time was almost up. As I was walking towards my car with my friends, I stole a few glances towards him. He had changed his clothes and apart of me wanted to call out to him. But the ego part of me said not to. So I didn't call out to him.
As we were about to arrive at the place he was standing (there was a fence and an drain separating us), as if he sensed me there, he turned his head and caught me in one of my glances at him. I quickly avoided any eye contact with him but I felt bad by doing that. I then looked back at him and his face was quite hurt and he was taken aback by my action but he covered it up by smiling at me and I responsed by pointing at my friends and he nodded. I called out at my friends and they exchanged smiles and waves. He asked us to wait for him and on of my friend said that they wanted to hurry up and went on walking. Another friend chased us and stopped us before reaching our cars. We stopped for a while and then he caught up with us. He said hi and asked us out for drinks. But I was really heading back and my friends insisted that they had to get on their way to catch the AF concert. I didn't have any stregth to return his gaze.
My friends' car arrived since one of their friend who was just accompanying them to the match went to get their car. So, they were busy telling him that their car has arrived and they wanted to get on their way. I just did not say anything to him and went to salam my girlfriends before heading to my car.
As I drove back (and there is only one way out), I saw him standing at his car and looking at his friends who were still in the field laughing and talking with their friends. I just drove back home thinking of him and what went wrong. Was I being very egoistic and sensitive tak bertempat? But I knew that I had been hurt so much eventhough at times I know that he never meant to hurt my feelings. I just told myself to 'disappear' from his world. And I guess I did follow my heart and disappeared.
I arrived at home that evening and settled myself for the concert. I was trying to enjoy the concert but the thing was that I kept remembering my best friend and what I did at the field. I know that before this, we would sms each other after meeting one another anywhere. But that night I thought that I am not going to sms him or even appologize to him on my behaviour. See how egoistic a women can be? I was really listening to my ego. As I was staring blankly at the tv watching the AF consert, my handphone started beeping as an sms appeared. It turned out to be HIM. I was touched and a bit glad and happy. I replied but cut it short. Usually, I would reply lots of things and joke around with him. But my ego won. I just replied in brief and in an instant he replied back. I was suddenly in tears since I really miss talking to him and how bad I wanted to talk for hours with him and pour out all my problems. But I chose not to and stood still with my desicion.
I was really glad that he smsed me. It was like the ending of My Best Friend's Wedding when Julianne waited for Micheal to say goodbye and she saw that he had left for his honeymoon. But then Micheal tapped her shoulder as she was walking away from the crowd bidding her farewell before his honeymoon. That was really sweet and that was how I felt that night after receiving his sms.
We are still friends though. But I will just leave it to time to heal my wounds. And that's the difference with girlfriends. They will notice the change in you or your feelings because we are sensitive. Eventhough sometimes you are a bit secretive of personal things, but when your mood changes or you have been hurt, girlfriends will spot the difference in a second. Unlike boyfriends, it will just be small matter until you open up to them about how you feel.
This song has been lingering in my head since last concert and has been playing on my pc today and only this song, not the whole album. Maybe I am feeling like this song has something to do with what I am feeling now.
Tiada Lagi Tangisan
Kini telah lama kita berpisah
Rintihan asmara kian berubah
Tiada lagi mengharap
Tiada lagi belaian manjamu
Semua telah berakhir
Ketenangan hidup menyinariku
Keperitan cinta terlerai sudah
Tabahkanlah hati luka nan berduri
Aku mengenali siapakah diriku yang sebenarnya
Tiada lagi tangisan
Tiada lagi airmata
Membasahi jiwa luka
Yang tinggal hanya memori duka
Semuanya diduga
Pertemuan kali ini
Takkan berkekalan
Berakhirnya istana bahagia
Biarkanlah diriku keseorangan
Tak perlu lagi cinta yang menghiris luka
Titisan airmata kini kekeringan
Tak perlu menabur kasihmu
Ketenangan hidup menyinariku
Keperitan cinta terlerai sudah
Tabahkanlah hati luka nan berduri
Ku mengenali siapakah diriku yang sebenarnya
Dan kini tertutup jendela harapan ini
Kau yang menanti kepangkuan aku
Semua takdir yang telah ku temu
Akan ku rela segalanya tanpamu
I will just have to wait and see where my feelings will bring me. But one thing for sure, I really miss those times.
So, I gathered up all my things and went straight to the field in Mardi. Arriving there, only then I realize that I was in my baju kurung. I felt like wanita melayu terakhir yang paling ayu at the field. Due to my attire, kat tepi padang pun duduk bersimpuh sebab dah ayu sangat kan. Ha..ha.. Anyway, when I arrived, I met my friends and watched the match. The thing was that we lost the match but had a great time watching them play even I was scratching all over because sitting at the field tanpa alas apa-apa. But I maintained ayu la.
Actually, I was there with my other girlfriends to cheer a classmate who was representing Anseri in the game. One of the best friend ever that I had. It's not that we're not best friends anymore, but it seems that we have grown apart from each other with our busy lives.
I guess most of you have watched My Best Friend's Wedding right? The part where Julianne (Julia Roberts) was best friends with the handsome Micheal (Dermot Mulroney). My friendship with that person was almost like the friendship between Julianne and Micheal but takdela pulak berjanji akan kahwin dengan masing-masing kalau by 28 kami tak kahwin!
The friendship is a sincere friendship where we can tell anything to that person. It is actually different between a girlfriend and a boyfriend as a best friend. The bond is like you can be yourself and be a bit b*tchy with guys because they won't say anything. Well not infront of your face though.
I knew this guy since 1994. It has been 10 years and we have been best friends since 1997. And I can share almost anything with him and he will share anything with me and that includes his encounter with somebody's wife who really liked him more than she was supposed to and he was nearly sued by the husband. On my side, I would share everything including my personal problems. I know that I can count on him and he would be there for me anytime I have anything on my mind and vice versa.
Everything changed after sometime. We have been busy living our lives and sometimes I would feel like I would bother him if I call him. I know that it is not so true but I have a feeling that he does feel that way. Anyway, after I knew that he would be playing for Anseri, I just wanted to go there and watch him play. Usually I would inform him if there was any event organized and if I'd be joining the event as well. But since early this year, I have not contacted him at all! I was hurt somewhere in our friendship. So, there I was last Saturday at the football field cheering and giving support to the players and then I saw him directly infront of me in the field with his jersey on and running in the field trying to score a goal for our team.
Suddenly a feeling of guilt, hurt, happy, glad, and all the sweet memories came to my mind in a flash. It was as though I was watching a playback of our friendship in my mind. I was indeed happy and at the same time sad. I was torn between a lot of different feelings in my heart. But as people say, the women's ego is sometime bigger than the men's ego.
I knew he spotted me at the field. After the game, I got up and headed to my car. My friends wanted to get a head start back because they wanted to catch the AF concert and they had to go back to Subang. I followed them as it was nearly Maghrib and my curfew time was almost up. As I was walking towards my car with my friends, I stole a few glances towards him. He had changed his clothes and apart of me wanted to call out to him. But the ego part of me said not to. So I didn't call out to him.
As we were about to arrive at the place he was standing (there was a fence and an drain separating us), as if he sensed me there, he turned his head and caught me in one of my glances at him. I quickly avoided any eye contact with him but I felt bad by doing that. I then looked back at him and his face was quite hurt and he was taken aback by my action but he covered it up by smiling at me and I responsed by pointing at my friends and he nodded. I called out at my friends and they exchanged smiles and waves. He asked us to wait for him and on of my friend said that they wanted to hurry up and went on walking. Another friend chased us and stopped us before reaching our cars. We stopped for a while and then he caught up with us. He said hi and asked us out for drinks. But I was really heading back and my friends insisted that they had to get on their way to catch the AF concert. I didn't have any stregth to return his gaze.
My friends' car arrived since one of their friend who was just accompanying them to the match went to get their car. So, they were busy telling him that their car has arrived and they wanted to get on their way. I just did not say anything to him and went to salam my girlfriends before heading to my car.
As I drove back (and there is only one way out), I saw him standing at his car and looking at his friends who were still in the field laughing and talking with their friends. I just drove back home thinking of him and what went wrong. Was I being very egoistic and sensitive tak bertempat? But I knew that I had been hurt so much eventhough at times I know that he never meant to hurt my feelings. I just told myself to 'disappear' from his world. And I guess I did follow my heart and disappeared.
I arrived at home that evening and settled myself for the concert. I was trying to enjoy the concert but the thing was that I kept remembering my best friend and what I did at the field. I know that before this, we would sms each other after meeting one another anywhere. But that night I thought that I am not going to sms him or even appologize to him on my behaviour. See how egoistic a women can be? I was really listening to my ego. As I was staring blankly at the tv watching the AF consert, my handphone started beeping as an sms appeared. It turned out to be HIM. I was touched and a bit glad and happy. I replied but cut it short. Usually, I would reply lots of things and joke around with him. But my ego won. I just replied in brief and in an instant he replied back. I was suddenly in tears since I really miss talking to him and how bad I wanted to talk for hours with him and pour out all my problems. But I chose not to and stood still with my desicion.
I was really glad that he smsed me. It was like the ending of My Best Friend's Wedding when Julianne waited for Micheal to say goodbye and she saw that he had left for his honeymoon. But then Micheal tapped her shoulder as she was walking away from the crowd bidding her farewell before his honeymoon. That was really sweet and that was how I felt that night after receiving his sms.
We are still friends though. But I will just leave it to time to heal my wounds. And that's the difference with girlfriends. They will notice the change in you or your feelings because we are sensitive. Eventhough sometimes you are a bit secretive of personal things, but when your mood changes or you have been hurt, girlfriends will spot the difference in a second. Unlike boyfriends, it will just be small matter until you open up to them about how you feel.
This song has been lingering in my head since last concert and has been playing on my pc today and only this song, not the whole album. Maybe I am feeling like this song has something to do with what I am feeling now.
Tiada Lagi Tangisan
Kini telah lama kita berpisah
Rintihan asmara kian berubah
Tiada lagi mengharap
Tiada lagi belaian manjamu
Semua telah berakhir
Ketenangan hidup menyinariku
Keperitan cinta terlerai sudah
Tabahkanlah hati luka nan berduri
Aku mengenali siapakah diriku yang sebenarnya
Tiada lagi tangisan
Tiada lagi airmata
Membasahi jiwa luka
Yang tinggal hanya memori duka
Semuanya diduga
Pertemuan kali ini
Takkan berkekalan
Berakhirnya istana bahagia
Biarkanlah diriku keseorangan
Tak perlu lagi cinta yang menghiris luka
Titisan airmata kini kekeringan
Tak perlu menabur kasihmu
Ketenangan hidup menyinariku
Keperitan cinta terlerai sudah
Tabahkanlah hati luka nan berduri
Ku mengenali siapakah diriku yang sebenarnya
Dan kini tertutup jendela harapan ini
Kau yang menanti kepangkuan aku
Semua takdir yang telah ku temu
Akan ku rela segalanya tanpamu
I will just have to wait and see where my feelings will bring me. But one thing for sure, I really miss those times.
Am i really never good enough for you?
12:22 PM
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12:22 PM
0 commented