Just Never Enough

Ramadhan Kareem

2011-08-03T09:49:00.001+08:00

Alhamdulillah we meet again Ramadhan. And I thank Allah for giving me the opportunity to meet again with this holy month this year. Any difference from the last? Well I guess there is. Firstly, my youngest brother is home for Ramadhan this year. He's on his summer break and has some things to settle here in Malaysia before continuing his study back in Nice. Oh speaking of Nice, how I wish I can go for a holiday there in the winter. Or just maybe anywhere in Europe for that matter. Oohh Switzerland sounds REALLY nice.

Well back to the topic or Ramadhan, let's grab this golden opportunity to double up our ibadah in this month that is filled with rahmah, maghfirah and freedom from an- Naar .

Sent from my iPhone

Been under the weather

2011-07-22T13:12:00.001+08:00

Just been having lack of mood to update lately. And the weather has been giving me health problems. I guess it's a sign of aging. Yeah well everyone gets old. And we have to face it. That's how life works.

The new thing in town..

2011-04-09T14:41:00.007+08:00

Currently I am into baking. I bake and the taste is kind of good according to those who have tasted my cakes. One thing that I have yet to master is the decorating part. As I am not talented in arts, it takes time and LOADS of practice.

I have noticed that nowadays, people are so into MACAROONS. I was really curious of the hassle about those colourful eye catching dessert. So yesterday, I got a chance to grab some to taste. As I predicted, I don't fancy the taste. It's a bit too sweet to my liking. But people have their own preferences. Maybe one day I'd like to make my own macaroons because the colours are sooo tempting!

Well, we'll just wait and see.

It's been a while...

2011-04-07T14:14:00.002+08:00

Knowing me in the world of blogging, I RARELY update my blog weekly or monthly let alone daily. Have I grown out of my own hobby or there is no more drive of passion? I can't answer that. I also have observed the 'disappearance' of the bloggers that I usually have to stop by every single day reading their ramblings and thoughts as if they are like my daily newspaper. Names like JavardKent, the late Emy(I grew close with her in the virtual world and never got to meet her in person), Laydiefa (she rarely writes now and a few others that I can't recall.

Maybe my writing is not as interesting but actually this blog is only for me letting out steam when I am under stress or to share my feelings with others that will not judge me. It is an open media for anyone to read and either agree or disagree with the ramblings let out.

I know that I have change and age factor is one of the factors influencing the lack of writings in here but people always change. That is the fact of life. Bestfriends can become enemies in a blink of an eye. That is how it is. However bitter it may be, but that is the truth.

I am just hoping for the best yet to come.

Happy birthday...

2010-11-16T11:18:00.002+08:00

Today is a big day. Today is a happy day. Today is a special day for my BEST friend ever. Who knows me really well and who has been there for my ups and downs. Nothing else I'd ask for but just being there and accompanying me for the rest of my life.

I know it sounds weird. But I do acknowledge myself as my own best friend as I always talk to myself and cry by myself and I would self-sooth myself. And when I am down, I would give motivational words to my own self and sing The Climb to myself.

Thank you for helping me grow wiser and accept things as they are and being there for me. Happy birthday Attiesya!!

Lelaki Ini...

2010-11-07T20:06:00.003+08:00

Got this from Chic's blog. So I said to myself. why not. Here goes.

Instructions:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 25 friends.
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!

IF SOMEONE SAYS ‘ARE YOU OKAY’ YOU SAY?
Anuar Zain - I'm The Lucky One

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
NB - Kau Pergi

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
6th Sense - Tanpa

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Siti Nurhaliza - Biarlah Rahsia (haha.. nailed it)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Bau - Warkah

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Rossa - Pudar

WHAT’S YOUR MOTTO?
Faizal Tahir - Sampai Syurga (Alhamdulillah..)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
ST12 - P.U.S.P.A. - which stands for Putuskan Saja Pacarmu (err..)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Lady Gaga - Speechless (hehe.. out of words I guess)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Carrie Underwood - I Told You So

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Sting - Dalam Diam Ku Mencintaimu

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR EX BOY/GIRL/BESTFRIEND?
Iklim - Bunga Emas (nahh.. not worth it)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Katy Perry - Thinking of You

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Afgan - Terima Kasih Cinta

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Taylor Swift - Tied Together With a Smile (hahaha... nice picture here)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Taylor Swift - A Perfectly Good Heart

WHAT WILL YOU DO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Chris Daughtry - No Surprise

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Adam - Jatuh

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Secondhand Serenade - Fall for You (hahaha.. a good and weird hobby)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Dewa - Hadapi dengan Senyuman

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Rossa - Tak Termiliki

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Kerispatih - Bila Rasaku Ini Rasamu

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Savage Garden - I Knew I Loved You

WHAT’S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Rossa - Aku Bukan Untukmu (errr..)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Katy Perry - If You Can Afford Me

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Exist - Alasanmu

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Colbie Caillat - Fallin for You

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Taylor Swift - Cold As You

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Westlife - If I Let You Go

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Kings of Leon - Use Somebody

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Ungu - Demi Waktu

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Taylor Swift - Love Story

WHAT WOULD YOU WANT TO SAY TO THE PERSON WHO TAGGED YOU?
Taylor Swift - Should've Said No (hehehe.. she didn't tag me but I volunteered)

WHAT WILL YOU NAME THIS NOTE?
Anuar Zain - Lelaki Ini (very eye catching title)

It was just merely for fun. Wanted to know what songs would come out. And most of it were Malay songs and Taylor Swift. Hehehe

Sepi (Loneliness)..

2010-10-25T00:12:00.005+08:00

I have watched Sepi a dozen of times and the film never fails to make me cry especially the ending of Sufi's story. I don't know why, but it kind of touches my heart in a way that I can relate to the story. As if it is a part of my life.

One part of the dialogue that I like is the part where Sufi (played by Tony Eusoff) says to Marya (played by Eja) - kenapa dalam beribu orang di dunia kita dipilih untuk bertemu tetapi tidak untuk bersama? (why is that in the thousands of people in the world, we are chosen to meet but not destined to be together?). It keeps me wondering the wonders of the world and why God chooses some people to meet just for the sake of meeting new people and fall in love with others. And it also keeps me wondering when will I find the person that I am destined to be together. But I truly know that He knows what's best.

Anyway, I really love the poetry in the play that Sein recites.

Bisikku pada bulan (I whisper to the moon)
Kembalikan temanku, kekasihku, syurgaku (Return me my friend, my lover, my heaven)
Tanpa dia malam menemaniku (Without her, the night accompanies me)
Sepi memelukku (Loneliness envelopes me)
Bulan jangan biar siang (O moon, don't turn the night into day)
Biar alam ini kelam (Let the world be blurred)
Biar ia sepi (Let it be lonely)
Sepertiku (Like me)

Stress effects...

2010-10-22T22:39:00.003+08:00

This is what I hate about stress. These couple of days (more like a week plus) have been stressful - in terms of work and personal life. I have been known (to myself that is) to overindulge in food to find comfort when having been stressed out. And guess what? I have gained a couple of kilos which took me weeks (nearly months) to shed! I hate this feeling!

I kind of noticed it when my body does not want to function efficiently as before after that first incident. And guess I was right!

Urgghh.. come to think about it, I hate myself for being weak. Will have to cope with it sooner or later. Better be soon.

Using your rage to something good...

2010-10-21T14:08:00.002+08:00

I know that my last entry is about me feeling tired. I still am. After that entry, I went to the usual place doing the usual thing and bumped into the person I've been feeling tired of. And guess what? Upon seeing me approach, that person just stopped the usual activity and went off! I mean abruptly and not planned beforehand. And it looked like that person stopped because of me! The thing that I don't understand is that I've done NOTHING wrong and have actually done NOTHING at all. But it seems that that person is pissed or have something against me.

The attitude kind of got into me and made me feel angry and very frustrated. I mean, REALLY frustrated! And I was swearing under my breath and felt the urge to kick and punch that person! I wished that the person was in front of me so I could do those things - kick and punch that person. But unfortunately that person was not there. In the end, because of feeling full of rage and fury, I kind of built this strength and did what I usually do with full of energy. And letting the steam out like that feels so damn good. And I felt relieved instantly. But I did cry myself to sleep that night wondering why do I feel guilty if I didn't do anything wrong? And after releasing the rage and fury plus shed a few tears (buckets actually, but thinking about it now, it wasn't worth it), I slept like a log!

The main point is, if you have any feelings that you would like to let go, go do something that you like. the unwanted feelings (especially rage and fury and tension) will make you stronger and push you to the limit. and you'll absolutely feel better instantly.

I am tired...

2010-10-18T14:50:00.003+08:00

I've always been very optimistic when it comes to feelings. Lately I noticed that I kind of turned to be a stalker without any intention. Well, yes in my heart, I want to be noticed. And I kind of have this feeling that sometimes things or the behavior portrayed is as if trying to make me notice it. But as I know my own self better, I have put it aside. Getting my hopes soaring high and then it vanishes in thin air, making me fall and hit rock bottom is extremely painful. That is why I seldom let myself get too deep in feelings. And that is also why some people will say that I look very 'fierce' and serious.

These couple of weeks, I have kind of developed the uneasy feeling again. And I kind of felt like I turned into a stalker. But thinking about it back, not all the time. I mean, accidentally I found out things. Not that I was desperately looking for it. It just came into the picture as if knowing about my feelings. It felt like I was destined to find those things.

But now, I just feel worse. And I am blaming myself for this feeling. What I can say is that I am tired. Just plain TIRED.

Tired of waiting.
Tired of wanting.
Tired of hoping.
Tired of wishing.

I am leaving it all to what fate has destined for me.

This matter is just as Coldplay's Fix You -

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Grinning from ear to ear...

2010-10-07T12:06:00.004+08:00

You know when it comes to motivation, sometimes we need another person or something to motivate us. And I never thought that I'd find it in trying t achieve my dreams. It all started the first day. At first I was REALLY conscious with my own self. Having really low self-esteem sometimes really affects the way I feel. Especially in large crowds. Even though the crowd at that time was not that large, but I can feel my body being poked from stares and glares.

But one thing is that even I can feel the stares and glares, my eyes kind of landed at this particular person. The stares given by this person feels like penetrating into my skin right to the bone. But it has a kind of filter - this charm or aura kind of soften it.

I continued doing what I have to do and found out that the person is a regular. Never had the guts to smile or even glance let alone talk to the person. The only thing that I am brave enough to do is stare the person from a far and glancing once in a while to the person's car.

The good thing was that I was looking forward to do what I aim for and just because of the person. I even told a friend of mine and she insisted that I talk to that person. Even a 'hi' is enough. But I don't have the guts to do so.

Eventually, the day arrived. On the 5th of October, as I was doing what I usually do, that person smiled AND we started talking! Even it was just a sentence, but at least that is something.

And with that particular incident, it made me grin from ear to ear until today. Thank you sooo much **D4*.

The celebration of Eid Ul Fitri 2010

2010-09-15T11:42:00.003+08:00

It's been sometime (again) since I've last posted something in my blog. Maybe the lack of entries might not be relevant since I know that not many (maybe close to none) read my blog. It's just a 'dump' to release the tension.

Ramadhan has left us. And will we be able to get the chance to meet again? Wallahu'alam. Only He knows. Have I fulfilled the chance given? Frankly speaking, I don't think so. Only a couple of things that I managed to do constantly. Oh how I do wish that I will be given the chance to meet Ramadhan again next year - Insya-Allah.

For the celebration of Eid this year, I feel as though I have outgrown the excitement of it. The only thing I love is the hassle of cooking the delicacies and spring cleaning the house (there's still clutters here and there but I have no power to throw them away - that is left to the Mam in the house). I still remember last 2 years having celebrating the Eid outside of Malaysia. The first time was fun even though the 'feel' was not there with the takbir and I had to rush to class. But yet, it was fun. The second time, was more relaxed. Since the duty there has been completed, it was more relaxed. But those years, on the eve of Eid, I was not busy in the kitchen. It was like a normal day. I did cook though since me and my housemate wanted to entertain Malaysian friends (the single ones) at our invited-only open house. Hahaha.. and during the Eid gathering, I was assigned to cook too.

Usually, during the preparation of Eid delicacies, I would just be the assistant chef to my mom. She would be the one doing the cooking. But this year, she decided to rest and let me prepare the dishes myself. She wasn't feeling well on the eve of Eid. And the best part is that she trusted me in preparing the traditional dishes!!

The spirit of Eid in me was kind of missing. But because it has become accustomed to me, I felt that it felt right doing what I usually do. Usually the night before Eid, I'd be up washing the kitchen floor until really late (usually until 4 am). But this year, I managed to get all done before 2 am (I did skip the washing the kitchen floor and just mopped it since it was still clean from the previous wash).

Even though everything was settled ahead of time compared to previous years, I was exhausted and only went to be at 3 am. Woke up for Subuh prayers and wanted to just doze a bit before the Eid prayers. But guess what? I kind of went completely back to sleep until 8.15am! And the Eid prayers was due at 8.30 am! Dang! I missed the Eid prayers.

This year's Eid celebration was a bit different from previous years since now I have a very cheeky little nephew and an adorable niece. I also drove to Malacca (my mom's hometown) which usually my dad does after the Friday prayers and drove back home after Maghrib. I was indeed exhausted since after arriving, I went straight to bed (I actually intended to take a shower first, but due to exhaustion, I just climbed into my bed).

There.. a bit about my Eid celebration. This year, as usual, I took pictures of my uncle's family and my brother's family. Oh.. suddenly I remembered that I did not take any pictures of myself, my mum and dad this year. Well, maybe some other day though.

Selamat Hari Raya to all!!!

What is L.O.V.E?

2010-07-06T20:10:00.002+08:00

..'That's love right? When you know somebody better than they do, and when you'll do anything in the world to protect them...' Ugly Betty Season 4 Episode

That quote means a lot - to me personally. I found the truth in the words of Hilda, on her wedding day. It kind of made me think. Is it true? Maybe. But I can't deny that the more we are 'into' someone we like, the tendency to take interest in the person arises. And I find the pain excruciating after all the fuss and hassle in getting to know nitty gritty details of a person which in the end, you are left heart broken.

Should you run away to a foreign land in mending a broken heart as suggested by Kat in Lagenda Budak Setan? I did try that. But in the end, it didn't work. Because in the end, I had to come back to face the same thing again. Was my heart mended? NO. It was just covered with layers and layers of cover to make sure that the big hole that was definitely there difficult the be opened again. But somehow or rather, on a fine day, unexpectedly, you yourself will peel off the layers of cover just to visit that place and cry your heart out. As long as you know what you're doing, then I guess it is fine. Or is this just words of comfort for myself?

Alhamdulillah..

2010-02-10T14:52:00.002+08:00

Alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah for all the countless blessings bestowed upon me. I have finished what I started earlier and am TREMENDOUSLY happy with the results.

Last week, I flew way up to the UK again to officially receive the certificate marking my work for the past year (even though at first I was a bit reluctant and there was something behind it. I'll blog about it in a different entry) . I always prayed that I could have the chance to meet with 'Mr. Snow' again since I did not have much time with him the last time. And guess what, my prayers were answered. The first day landing in Amsterdam, there it was. In front on my eyes, the airport was blanketed in white. Pure white. Even though I was just there on transit, the scenery was breathtaking. Imagine me from Malaysia with the cotton thin clothing, arriving in Amsterdam at -8 degrees. Brrr.. went to the ladies to put on my thermal clothing + jumper + coat. The thing is that the flight to Humberside does not use the aerotunnel (whatever it is called - the thingy to board the aircraft from the departure gate) since the plane is a small focker and will need the passengers to use the bus provided to reach the aircraft. It was a bit cold indeed but I found the weather somewhat familiar.. hahaha..

Arrived in Hull and left my bags at a friend's house and went straight to town. First thing's first = SHOPPING. Hahaha.. nah.. just wanted to kill time and exhaust myself to make sure that I get enough sleep that night to ensure a fresh me the next day. And I did sleep like a log that night!

Woke up feeling fresh and excited. Got ready and walked to the university. Felt like I was still studying there. Only the dressing is a bit different today since usually I'd be wearing jeans. Was expecting to take tonnes of photos, but no one is familiar with my camera. :-( . In the end, only a few shots were captured. None of them in the hall. And after the ceremony, I had to attend another simple ceremony but my friends went to grab lunch with my camera. Huhu.. met other people, but again, no photos captured to cherish the memories. Only today, I remembered that I should have snapped pics using my phone. Too late!

The second day there, it started snowing again. Wuhuuu!! And after my friend's session, we went straight to London. And guess what? It was snowing!! Again!! The following morning, boarded a plane to Nice. The first day, brought my friend to Monaco. That night, my youngest brother joined us for dinner. The second day in Nice, we actually wanted to go skiing. But I wasn't feeling that well. We changed plans and went to Cannes and Grasse instead. And guess what, it was snowing AGAIN!!

After the trip to France, we stayed in London for 2 nights. And when it came to going back to Hull, it snowed!! In Hull, not London. The last night, before heading back to Malaysia for good, we put a night in Amsterdam. Got to visit the Red Light District! Strange enough, halal food was everywhere on that part of Amsterdam! Actually we kind of accidentally found it in search of halal food. Don't worry, I am still innocent. Still consider myself underage for that sort of thing. Hahaha..

Anyway, all in all, it was a splendid journey. Wish I could make it a yearly event or just permanently reside in the UK. Haha.. how I wish i could do that.

You know you are a workaholic when...

2010-01-21T14:39:00.002+08:00

1. You are bored to DEATH when you have no work to do.

2. You dream about your boss almost every single day.

3. You have no time to eat, drink or even go to the loo during office hours.

4. You never realize the time. You only realize it when the office is quiet and the
last person going back tells you that the person is leaving.

5. Your annual leave is always being carried forward for next year or you apply for
leave just to do your work without any interruption.

6. You find yourself happy during workdays and lonely during weekends.

Most of the symptoms mentioned above is what I feel like. So, there, I admit that I AM A WORKAHOLIC!

It has been 3 weeks...

2010-01-19T13:37:00.003+08:00

Wooaa.. it's already the 3rd week of 2010. How time flies. It has also been the third month for me after coming back here. And next week, I'll report duty in my new department. Eager? I guess.. Looking forward to it?? Maybe.. At least I hope that I don't have to wait for work. Anyway, will be flying back to UK Tuesday next week for my graduation ceremony. Meaning that I will only be in my new office for 2 days before my 2 week break to the UK. Haha

Anyway, I have no excited feeling to fly back. But I know that I wanted to attend the ceremony and maybe travel a bit. But That feeling has vanished. Don't know what to expect and don't know what to feel. Hahaha.. Happy? Excited? Thrilled to meet my friends? Or looking forward to meet 'Winter' again? I don't really know. It feels different in a way. It doesn't feel like the time I first went there.

Anyway, hoping for the best and hope I'll enjoy the trip (better do so because the trip itself costs a FORTUNE!)

Goodbye 2009, Welcome 2010....

2009-12-31T10:27:00.002+08:00

2009 has reached the end. This evening, as the sun sets, will be the end of the sunshine for 2009. As the clock strikes midnight, a new year has begun. Time flies sooo fast. I can't believe that it'll be 2010 in just a couple of hours. I feel as though 2009 has just arrived. And yet, it has reached it's end.

This year started with fun and excitement after being able to continue my studies abroad which has been my dream since I was little. Having the dream of my life come true (even though not at the time that I wanted to - meaning the dream to continue studies abroad) was kind of an achievement for me. And at the time too, I kind of took the opportunity to gather my thoughts and mend my broken heart which I shoved waaayy back of my brain (hahaha.. like it's true).

I became more independent, stronger and found the little kid in me again after having it being locked for sooo long. This year also I traveled to countries I have only dreamed of going to, where some of them I never thought that I could go to! This year also gave me the chance to meet wonderful people along the way and supported be and cheered me up through my ups and downs. And this year also, I managed to prove myself to my own self.

There were times that I wished that what happened, should have been the other way around. I nearly gave up. There were the down days and I kept it all to myself, waiting it to burst and pull me down to the lowest level. But I am grateful to have wonderful friends around me and my family to support me and cheer me up when I feel down.

Alhamdulillah, 2009 has been a wonderful journey all together. The down times have been hard, where I did hit rock bottom, but managed to held my head high and climb back from the bottom with of course the wonderful people around me and with the blessing from the Almighty.

This day, the last day of 2009 is my mum's 56th birthday. Happy birthday Mama.. Love you sooo much and I hope that I have made you proud.

Just a couple of hours till a new year starts. I wish that next year will be better than this year. Goodbye 2009 and Hello 2010.

I hate this part right here...

2009-12-11T00:06:00.002+08:00

I have nothing much to say nor elaborate. Just that I have this feeling that I hate. Really extremely hate. Something done that cannot be undone but can be learned from in the future. Think before doing it AGAIN in the future, because I hate this part right here.

It's been a while...

2009-12-03T15:43:00.003+08:00

It's been a while since I've last written here. A year to be exact. I was actually contemplating whether to continue writing or just delete this blog. But I don't think that I can do the latter. I still do think that my previous entries are too childish. But hey, it's my blog. And I can see that I have grown up now (as if).

Alhamdulillah, my absence for the year has been a successful journey in life for me. And I have accomplished what I have been searching for (well, maybe in one aspect though). Maybe I'll continue the journey one fine day.

So, should I or shouldn't I delete this blog? Naah.. I think I'll just continue on a different note, a new fresh look (even though it does seem a bit depressing, but I like it) and maybe hopefully happy entries. Till then, enjoy your day!

*Currently listening to I'd Come for You - Nickelback

Salam Aidilfitri

2008-09-30T05:54:00.003+08:00

I'll be celebrating Eid a day earlier than those in Malaysia. The UK will be celebrating Eidulfitr tomorrow. I hope that I achieved my goal in this year's Ramadhan(though I doubt it). It's a sad day since Ramadhan has come to an end and I am not sure that we'll meet again next year (but I do hope so that we will). And at the same time, tomorrow is a day to celebrate after fasting for a month.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Maaf zahir dan batin to all.

Alhamdulillah...

2008-09-20T04:17:00.003+08:00

Alhamdulillah I have reached my destination in one piece and without any trouble. Though I had to find my way to the final destination, I had no trouble at all. People were helpful enough helping me.

It all started in Ramadhan last year when Education@UK had their annual exhibition in Kuala Lumpur Convention Centre. I went browsing through several universities gathering information regarding courses offered and other useful information I might need. Back then, I thought the timing was way ahead. And it was the 17th of Ramadhan that I did all those things.

In December, I had to attend a course to prepare myself to the academic world. Being the ONLY administrator, I felt a bit out of place. With no knowledge at all about research and preparing a proposal PLUS defending the proposal, I was one of the weakest participant. I kind of freaked out. But the organizer told me not to worry since I'll be enrolled in a program in coursework mode. That kind of eased my worries.

Early this year, I started to apply universities. And remember the course that I went to which I could not finish the jungle tracking and I NEARLY fainted on top of the hill? That was another compulsory course taken for the final destination.

So after all the events, I thought I had plenty of time preparing myself for the departure, only to find that I was wrong! I cannot imagine a friend of mine who did almost every other thing except the preparation course to the academic world in the same time I did, and the others, only to be completed in July! She had to report on the 1st of September! I, myself with all the others done, took about 6 months to settle everything else kind of took the breath out of me!

Anyway, I arrived this morning and took a cab, finding my way in this new country and environment after somewhat having a miscommunication with people here. Well, at least I felt very confident and independent doing things alone in a foreign environment. What an achievement for me. Hurrah!! Luckily my new housemate was at home and not on-call. So, I arrived at the doorstep, with one suitcase, one hand luggage and one laptop, knocking on the door. She greeted me and I stepped in the new house that I'll be staying for the year.

Here I am, all alone tonight and being jet-lagged, I need time to adjust my biological clock for the time now in Malaysia is way past my bedtime that is 4.50am and sahur time, where as the local time here is only 9.45 pm.

I promise you that I'll post up pictures of my new place as soon as I get the chance to snap the pics. I wanted to do it today, as I arrived but a friend back home told me not to. It'll be that I am too eager to do that and I have a year to take them. Oh well, what can you say if your hobby evolves around photography right?

Cheers!

Ramadhan Mubarak!!!

2008-09-01T00:25:00.000+08:00

Have a wonderful time this holy month and grab this opportunity to double up our ibadah. Happy fasting to all Muslims out there.

Proud to be a Malaysian!!!

2008-08-30T20:01:00.003+08:00

I am proud to be a Malaysian. The country with the lushes of green everywhere touched by modernisation and still can conserve the greenery makes Malaysian proud to be who we are. The peace and serenity plus the beautiful natural preserves is what we are proud of. And most of all, the unity among the multi races in our country is somewhat a blessing and envied by others.

Happy Independence Day Malaysia.

*credits to my model - Jeng.

Kisah hari ini di Jalan Tunku Abdul Rahman - 16 August 2008

2008-08-17T13:46:00.002+08:00

A little bit of this, a little bit of that...

2008-07-13T20:17:00.003+08:00

Work has been keeping me busy to the max. I have had no time to update, nor to even enjoy my daily doses of blog reading (except that I'd find time squeezing one or two entries that I can't miss during lunch break). Having saying that, I guess I have pushed the limit of my body. I am aching all over and currently down with a cold and a fever.

I have also been neglecting my diet and my meals which in result, having me crave for the wrong type of food - junk food and fast food. And I have been putting on a couple of pounds, which luckily came off after fasting for the whole week!

Okay enough of what has happened in the past few weeks. It's just that I have been looking forward for my holiday this week (7 days - which starts this Tuesday - yippie!)and with this cold, am I going to enjoy it or will it effect my holiday? I hope not.

If you're wondering where I'll be heading to, all I can say is shopping heaven and more shopping in Southeast Asia!! I'll be heading alone and I hope that all will be okay. But one thing is that, I'm worrying about getting to LCCT at 4.30 am! My flight is at 7, and since I'll be going alone, getting a cab kind of freaks me out. But I'll just leave it to Allah to look over me.

Oh.. does anyone care to give me a lift? ;-)

Ayat-Ayat Cinta - Verses of Love

2008-06-23T21:34:00.003+08:00

It's been a while since I watched a movie back-to-back. I have done it at home but at the cinema, yesterday was the first time. And to make it more fun, I was under a lot of stress lately and I knew that I needed a break instantly.

My initial plan was to catch Get Smart and Made of Honor. But the online booking prevented me from booking the stories. And the nearest cinema with the 2 stories available was in Mid Valley. With the price hike in fuel, I decided to opt for another story. So, after browsing TGV and GSC's web, I found that Ayat-ayat Cinta was available along with Get Smart in Alamanda.

So, there I was early in the morning, to get the ticket I booked for both stories. The first show was Ayat-ayat Cinta. And as expected, the cinema was only filled by 10-20 viewers.

The storyline was a bit slow at first but when it came to the climax, it really made the whole cinema filled with sobs. Don't ask me, but I cried buckets! And I could not stop!

I don't want to write up any comments of views about the story but one thing I can comment is that it is totally different from genres nowadays. I really admire the approach of a form of dakwah eventhough at other points, people may critisize some parts of the story. But as a whole, it is a refreshing start for the film industry.

And one thing for sure, I am totally head over heels for Fahri.

Oh Please!!!!

2008-05-09T07:59:00.002+08:00

I was driving to work this morning and as I was changing radio stations due to one of my favourite channel was having adverts, I came across the Fly.fm fix it. The story was about best friends for 5 years, not being best friends anymore due to the fact that the guy has found a new girlfriend. I missed the first part and as Phat Fabes and Ben said that the end of the first part, the girl-best friend asked the guy, 'Do you love me?'. And guess what? The guy said yes!And the girl said that she was also in love with him.

Come on man. During 5 years of being best friends, you just kept the feelings to yourselves? The question asked by me was asked by Phat Fabes. And they said it was complicated since the girl at that time had a boyfriend, which she broke up with and by that time, the guy found his current girlfriend.

And at the end of fix it, Phat Fabes and Ben said that they will have to back off because it is a bit personal. But I don't get the lady. She said that she IS willing to be there FOR HIM if his relationship fails. But you know what he said when asked by the DJs? He said he does not know what to do. He does not want to break the relationship with his girlfriend.

Oh my goodness, I am speechless. I do not know what to say. I totally disagree with what she says. I mean, there is no point in waiting for him if he himself shows no response at all. People should know by heart what and who they want to be with.

Well, it is now all up to her.

Ahhh.. finally...

2008-05-07T09:23:00.003+08:00

I have been under stress lately and under a lot of pressure. But finally, yesterday, all of it has ended. Actually, the biggest part, not all though. Anyway, at least part of the burden has been lifted.

Furthermore, I am looking forward for next week. I'll be shopping and travelling again! Yippie!! Shopping splurge in Bandung from the 12th and coming back to Malaysia on th 15th just to change the set of clothing for the next trip on the 16th to 22nd May to Medan on official matters. At least I won't be in the office. Hurrah!!

Have a splendid week guys!!

26th April 2008 - Happily ever after

2008-04-29T08:14:00.003+08:00

No, it's not about me. It's about this cute guy from the first season of Akademi Fantasia who was the 1st runner up for that season. He has found his soulmate and made it official last Saturday. Congratulations Khai and Rosma.

I received the invitation card for the reception a week before the ceremony. And was a bit surprised about it. He smsed me 2 nights before asking for my address. I was really honoured and there I was, last Sunday, at his reception, wishing him and Rosma a happy life.

Butterflies in my stomach..

2008-04-24T20:13:00.002+08:00

It has been a hectic week, no, month for me. A lot has to be done and I am burried in tonnes of work. To organize a trip for my own self has been put aside.

Anyway, you know this feeling when you have someone you admire, and is trying to persuade you on business matters, and you feel that you are kind of obligated to accept the project? Well that kind of happened to me. I mean if it was not for the 'face-to-face' encounter today, I wouldn't have butterflies in my tummy. Since knowing that this person, whom I admire due to his capability in making my legs go weak every time he smiles (though I'd say frankly here that he is NOT HANDSOME), but just because of his charisma, I went hay-wire! Can you believe that? Furthermore, he is the GM of a company and who am I in my organization? Just an ordinary staff!

So there I was today, explaining why his company's proposal was rejected eventhough it did not even go into the management meeting. I sweated profusely eventhough my office is fully air-conditioned and the room had a separate air-condition unit trying to explain the reason why the proposal was rejected by me. He understood and presented his idea well enough to convince me that his new proposal might get the consideration from the top management. And he was willing to rewrite the proposal and discuss it with me for ammendments if there were any.

Knowing that he was coming to see me, an ordinary person in my organization, I read my horoscope for the day. I know that we cannot believe in anything that the horoscope says, but it was kind of like a coincident. Here was what my horoscope said about me today:

Scorpio
A very persuasive person will arrive on the scene, and what they say makes sense.

I guess it is true indeed.

I left my heart in Indonesia... (Cintaku Tertinggal di Indonesia..)

2008-03-31T14:30:00.003+08:00

Have you listened to the song by Dewa - Cintaku Tertinggal di Malaysia? Mine is the other way around. I left my heart in Indonesia. No, this is not the first time I've been there. But this is the 3rd time.

A spectacular view from Restoran Sederhana, Padang

I was there for approximately 2 weeks on an official visit. And I found that I left my heart there once I boarded the plane heading back to Malaysia *sigh*.

I'll be left alone...

2008-03-07T18:54:00.000+08:00

My best friend is getting married. The one that I have been hanging out with lately. I knew the time would come. At least I am happy that she's happy. And I am honoured that she has chosen me to be the wedding planner and made arrangements that the ceremony and reception is done before I fly. Where to? Somewhere that I can find peace and mend my broken heart.

I am truly happy for her. She even asked me to be the bridesmaid which I am a bit reluctant. But I guess I have to get busy in toning up for her day.

Congratulations my dearest friend.

Why oh why?

2008-02-28T09:50:00.002+08:00

I just came back from a 5 days course. And I tell you that I am EXHAUSTED! Totally exhausted. And my body is aching everywhere. Though I've been back for 2 days, I can still feel the excitement and all the pain vanishes away.

One thing is that I was not able to complete the jungle tracking. I fainted half way through!! Oh my, this is a sign that I am aging and I am not as fit as before! But I am deeply thankful to my groupmates that helped me through and supported me all the way.

My deepest gratitude to all of you.

I'm Lost!!!!

2008-02-16T21:22:00.003+08:00

~Cinta Antara Kita~

sejak dari dulu
ku menyintaimu
kau tahu begitu namun kau berpura
ku masih teringat kau peluk diriku
yg telah membuat ku menyintai mu
sudah berapa lama
diriku ini
tak bertemu mu
mungkin ku harap jua
kau merindu ku
sebagaimanaku rinduimu

cinta antara kita
tiada penghalangnya
walau akhir usia
ku menyinta dirimu
ku hanya menunggu mu
menyata kau cintaku
ku kan berjanji
menyintamu syg....

setelah kau pergi jauh dari sisi
tiada ku cinta selain dirimu
ku ingin bersama dgnmu selamanya
walaupun sehingga ke akhir nyawa
mungkin kau tak mengerti
maksud ku dulu pada dirimu
kiniku kan menyinta dirimu itu sehingga ke akhir waktu

cinta antara kita
tiada penghalangnya
walau akhir usia
ku menyintai dirimu
ku hanya menunggu mu
menyata kau cintaku
ku kan berjanji
menyintamu syg....

sudah berapa lama
diriku ini
tak bertemu mu

mungkin ku harap jua
kau merindu ku
sebagaimanaku rindumu

cinta antara kita
tiada penghalangnya
walau akhir usia
ku menyinta dirimu

hanya menunggu mu
menyata kau cintaku
ku kan berjanji
menyintamu syg....

cinta antara kita
tiada penghalangnya
walau akhir usia
ku menyintai dirimu
ku hanya menunggu mu
menyata kau cintaku
ku kan berjanji
menyintamu syg....

Sometimes it is hard to understand what I feel. People around me cannot read my mind and soul. And sometimes I myself can't understand what I feel inside.

p/s: this song makes me sad, in a comforting way. I love this song.

Movies...movies... movies...

2008-02-07T20:57:00.000+08:00

Have you ever been in a cinema where only you and your friends were enjoying the film? I had 2 opportunities which happened as you can see in the Hotlink ad not so far ago but the difference is that my friends did not hide behind me nor I hid behind them, but the cinema was empty and only we were the people watching that movie.

Surely you'd ask which cinema and what movie did we watch right? Okay, the first occurance was in MBO Cineplex in Warta Bangi. Well, that could have been expected right? But the best thing was that MBO Cineplex in Warta is the only cinema in Bangi. But I guess having Mines nearby and also KL is just half an hour away, so not many people would choose to catch a movie in MBO Bangi.

It was Sepet that attracted me to go and catch a movie there with my colleagues. After buying the ticket, we went in the new cinema and there, only 3 of us were in the hall. We laughed out loud, talked loudly and commented on every scene since the cinema was ours. This happened again last Sunday. But this time in Jusco Cheras Selatan. I went there planning to watch Game Plan with my friends and it turned out that we were a bit late for the 1.00pm show. So, we decided to watch another movie and it was between Meet the Spartans or Eastern Promises. We then settled for Eastern Promises after seeing that Viggo Mortensen is the lead actor and Naomi Watts also starred in the movie. Upon entrance, we were among the first. And it never occurred to us that we were also the last. Until a guy entered the hall. And then, the lights went dim. We were like surprised. We made the hall as it was ours. And the movie was so-so but violence for kids though. You could see throats being slashed and blood gushing out. And there was one part that the gushing blood was zoomed! The story is like a mafia kind thingy. Not actually my cup of tea but I did enjoy it though. But the ending was a bit disappointing. It was like a hanging ending and you make up your own conclusion.

But today, as I planned to watch the release of Dunia Baru The Movie, I had predicted that the queue would be a long one for the tickets since the release is today – a public holiday. So, I booked the tickets from home and arrived 30 minutes before the show, which my booked ticket was auto cancelled by the system. Thank God that the cute guy at the counter did not make me queue up for new tickets! Luckily I got the seats that I booked. Only in the end that my friend couldn’t make it since there was an emergency that she had to attend to (which I hope is okay by now).

The hall was full with families and all generations. Only 2 spaces were empty plus the vacant seat beside me which was supposedly to be filled by my friend.

I enjoyed Dunia Baru The Movie and the story is a simple story but very relaxing and I enjoyed every bit of it. I have been a true fan of Dunia Baru and seeing it being turned into a movie makes me feel proud. And I assure you that this move is for the whole family and a worth watch if you are a addict of Dunia Baru.

p/s: I hope that the guy at the ticket counter is blessed for helping me and his life is filled with kaf-ba-ra-kaf-alif-ta-nun - KEBERKATAN.

p/p/s: Happy birthday Fafau - my favourite Melodi host and Deejay of Hotfm.

Oppsss..

2008-02-03T19:17:00.000+08:00

Being a typical Malaysian citizen, one will know that there are certain aspects and habits that are a total no-no and related to Malays. First thing is the time management of Malays. We are so famous for being late and punctuality is like an alien to the Malays. We also have the name for making promises which involves time - janji Melayu (Malay promises).

That is only one aspect. The other aspects that we are known for is being the lazy bums. Melayu is often said as me-layu which means that we are always in a lazy state.

Cutting queue is also a well-known habit to Malaysians. I really loathe people with all the mentioned habits. I mean people have their own problems and settle them by themselves. But if everytime this habit appears, then what is the point in living in the same world as others? People can tolerate with the doings once in a while with a reasonable reason. But every time?

Which brings us to this topic today. I accidentally took a parking space. I mean there was this car in front of my car that stopped and it was kind of showing that it wanted to turn left. And I saw a parking space on my right. So, I gave a signal indicating that I wanted to take the parking space. The car just stopped and I thought it was waiting for another car or something and I did not suspect it to take the vacant parking space since the driver never gave the signal. So, I swerved in the parking space, actually reversed parking. And I saw the driver's face. He was like speechless. I was like what?? Did I do something wrong?? And then the car went on and I saw it taking a parking space that was just a few meters away. And then it hit me. Oppsss.. I have that habit that I loathe others having.

And as I walked to the shop that I intended to grab a few things, I kind of said to myself. Was I turning to the typical Malaysians? Well, I just said to myself that I had no intention to grab the vacant parking space from you and besides, you never gave the signal.

So, I am apologizing publicly to the driver of a silver hyundai coupe, who I accidentally took the vacant parking space today. I hope that you are not angry and next time, please use your signals to indicate where you're navigating to.

Double joy.. double happiness

2008-01-25T16:40:00.000+08:00

Remember my previous post about gearing up for the exams and how I wish I would just pass the exams? Well guess what, I did pass with quite good scores! Alhamdulillah... I just couldn't be happier than that.

And on the same day, my sister-in-law gave birth to a healthy son. I am now officially an aunty! (which reminds me that I'm getting old and feel like I want a baby of my own *sigh*)

Anyway, can't wait to hold little nephew in my arms when he gets back after his mum's confinement period.

When language is seldomly used...

2008-01-12T18:51:00.000+08:00

I have just sat for my language exam and I tell you, that if you seldom use the language, you will find it hard to answer. And one more thing, today was my first day sitting for an exam after what, like 8 years? Tuning back and gearing up yourself for an exam is exhausting and I have forgotten how it feels like until today.

I'd advice those planning to take language proficiency exams - polish up your skills. I mean start to scan-read, listen to tapes or hearing aids that can familiarize you with all kinds of accents and the best part is that, talk slow. Don't rush on your points and your speed of speech. I was given 2 minutes to talk about the thing I love - shopping! But I finished up in less the 2 minutes! I have already used all the points given and elaborated it quite long. And there was no hmmms,aaahs what-so-ever. But I ran out of ideas on the simplest favourite topic! How pathethic right?

So, all the best!!

Happy New Year!!!

2007-12-31T17:28:00.000+08:00

The last day of 2007. A lot has passed and I know that this year has been a hectic year. i have been under a lot of stress and pressure. But as the end comes around, I've got to know that 2008 will bring a ray of hope to my life - Insya-Allah.

Anyway, today is my mum's birthday. I spent the whole day finding the suitable present for my mum. And I spent the whole day intending to do some window shopping but I just can't resist the temptation.

Happy Birthday Ma...

The One Day That I Feel Happy Like I Am High...

2007-12-03T00:05:00.000+08:00

November has been a hectic month for me. A lot of things to be settled, this month I have been pissed off a number of times and have been under pressure - waiting to crack.

This month also notes the day that I turn a year older. I've put a wish list in my blog 2 weeks prior to the day. But never expected any of them to be received.

Anyway, being hooked on make-up, I spotted the new MAC royal assets series. I had my eyes on the Royal Assets eye shadow palette. Had the urge to splurge on the Royal Assets Smokey Eyes palette and some other things 3 days in a row! Spent like I had loads of money. On the third day, I wanted to grab the Royal Assets Warm Eyes palette but came to my senses on my expenditure this month. Luckily my favourite MAC assistant was willing to save the palette for me until my next pay day. Well, I had been dreaming of it ever since and walla... the next day, my best friends gave me the palette as my belated birthday present. See, what a coincidence and I am truly proud to have them as best friends.

Thank you sooo much for the palette.

Another year older, does it mean that I am a year wiser?

2007-11-25T10:05:00.000+08:00

I know that I have turned a year older last week - on the 16th to be exact. But does it mean that I am a year wiser? Hmmm.. from what I gather, yes. But I feel that sometimes I feel a bit childish on some things. Well, the inner child will never disappear right?

I do feel a bit wiser on some terms. I begin to understand the facts of life, how it works and accept what happens with open arms. It's just that I feel a bit under pressure about things that I shouldn't. I mean, I am old enough to make my own decisions, have my own life and what so ever. But it seems that I can't have them. I have other considerations to take into account and every decision has to be around those considerations.

I just can't wait to be 'free' again.

p/s: I want to watch KC & Jojo in Live & Loud in KL. I really do. But I can't. Due to the 'other considerations' to be considered.

p/p/s: Happy Birthday Abg Badrul. May Allah bless you with health, wealth and happiness.

9 September

2007-11-14T23:57:00.000+08:00

I just had the chance to watch 9 September as an early birthday treat from my own self. I do have something to write about 9 September - the first movie directed by the talented Pierre Andre. But I am buried in tonnes of work. I guess I'll just have to say that he is a talented actor, director and script writer. The first attempt is quite good and with more exposure and experience, PIERRE ANDRE might be a big name in the film industry one day.

True Friends?

2007-11-08T08:46:00.000+08:00

I really hate people who are not sincere in a friendship.

I hate people who pretends to be a friend, which in real life, they have no intention to.

I hate people who act as if they are friends with us, but it's just for the sake of something else.

So, DO NOT BE FRIENDS WITH ME IF YOU HAVE NO INTENTION TO.

Birthday Wish List

2007-10-27T19:44:00.000+08:00

I have always had doubts when buying presents for people. Wedding occasions, birthday celebrations and other occasions - all give the same problem to me. I'd think and ask myself will the receiver appreciate my gift and make full use of it, not to mention is it useful for them?

Anyway I always believe that anything given should be appreciated by the receiver. If they think that it may not be as useful to them as to others, they can always give it away to others more in need. For instance, wedding presents sometimes come not in one, but 3 - 4 presents of the same thing. Dishware is acceptable but to get 3 toasters, 4 electric kettles, 3 rice cookers and 7 blenders is just like some kind of a waste where the appliances can be used by others more in need. My brother gave them to my aunts and uncles that helped out during the ceremony as a token of appreciation. No wonder the westerners have the wedding list for gifts. They put their needed appliances and friends and relatives buy things according to the list.

Since this month will have one special day for me in it, I'm listing my wish list for that particular day - which is just for fun and no other reason. But if anyone would like to fulfil my wish list, by all means and I would be very grateful for all the hassle in making my wish come true.

1. I would really love the new album by Anuar Zain which has the hit single 'Lelaki Ini' autographed by him specially dedicated to me.
2. A DVD box set of Season 1 - 4 and the final season of Gilmore Girls. I just sooo love Rory and Lorelai and not to mention Rory's new boyfriend - I can't recall his name here.
3. The new season of Grey's Anatomy DVD box set. I already have season 1 - 3.
4. A bottle of Dior Addict 2. Have been eyeing it for ages but haven't had the time to buy it since the 100ml is only available in KLIA.

And last but not least, the first wish at 12.00 am comes from a phone call by this person singing 'Lelaki Ini' on the phone just for me and sends shivers down my spine which will make me float in the air and my heart melt right away followed by an invitation to meet up to celebrate my birthday with friends. That person is no other than Anuar Zain. Haha.. I think I am being a bit vain here. Hey, isn't it just a wish?

Satu Hari di Hari Raya...

2007-10-14T16:35:00.000+08:00

I know most of you are still on holiday, but I just wanted to share this Raya's incident in a song. Sing it with the M.Nasir's tune of Suatu Hari di Hari Raya.

Suatu Hari Di Hari Raya

Satu hari di Hari Raya

Tahun 2007 tahun jadinya

Aku sangka biasa sahaja

Rupanya ada satu peristiwa

Yang mungkin tak dapat kulupa

Satu hari di Hari Raya

Aku cadang nak bergaya

Pakai baju dan kasut raya

Siap make-up muka agar ceria

Maklumlah hari ini Hari Raya

Satu hari di Hari Raya

Satu keluarga ziarahi pusara

Arwah adinda tercinta

Yang telah pergi mengadap-Nya

Sudah 16 tahun lamanya

Satu hari di Hari Raya

Tiba di pusara arwah adinda

Dengan kasut tumit tinggi raya

Tumitnya halus fesyen semasa

Tak kusangka jadi peristiwa

Satu hari di hari raya

Sewaktu orang sedang berdoa

Aku bertinggung di pusara

Dengan tidak semena-mena

Aku tergolek di tepinya

Sungguh malu tidak terkira

Satu hari di Hari Raya

Dengan kejadian yang tidak terduga

Ibu, ayah adik tertawa

Tak kusangka

Mungkin ramai lagi dapat menyaksikannya

Ku jatuh tergolek seperti buah nangka

Satu hari di Hari Raya

Satu hari di Hari Raya...

Okay.. for those out there not understanding a bit of the song AND the event that happened, here's the english version (am I being too imaginative that I have readers out there who are not Malay speaking/understand Malay Language? Well, let's just ASSUME I do have readers from all over the world.. hehehe..)

It's a tradition on Eid that we visit the grave to recite doa for the members of the family that has passed away. In my case, I lost my brother (Aja) 16 years ago (I was 13 and my late brother was 10) due to an accident on his way back from Friday prayers. We were close since we were just 3 years apart. Back then, I only grew up with 2 brothers. The youngest was born when I was 11 and the difference between Aja and the youngest (Ashraf) is 8 years.

I don't want to get all sad here since sometimes I'd cry and feel gloomy remembering the day of the accident, which apparently happened a day before my 13th birthday and his last words before the accident still remain in my head. What I can say is that he is the most loveable person one can ever meet.

Okay, back to the incident that happened yesterday. We were getting ready to go back to Malacca - my mom's hometown, a tradition we do every Eid. We would stop by the cemetery to visit my late brother's grave and recite the doa before heading the highway.

I was in my baju kurung and I had my face all glowing with the make-up I was obsessed with 2-3 months back. I planned to wear my new stilettos and there, all ready, we headed for the cemetery.

As I entered the grounds, I noticed that the soil was a bit damp. I guess yesterday it rained causing the dampness, but the day was beautiful and just nice - not too hot as it was already 10.30 am. So, we arrived at my brother's tomb and we all squatted to recite the doa.

I squat down to recite the doa with my family. After a few minutes, I felt the left heel of my stilettos sinking in the damp soil. I kind of lost balance and tried groping for something to gain my balance. But I guess I found nothing. There and then, I fell tumbling on the ground landing on my new baju kurung! Not just did I tumble and fell; I kind of looked like humpty-dumpty, who sat on the wall, having a great fall! I kind of rolled over at the cemetery. And the best part was that it was kind of full with families paying their tributes to the lost ones on Eid! I thought my family did not notice the fall, but when I had to roll over to get up, I found them laughing hysterically at me in a polite kind of way. Luckily, the graveyard wasn't that hilly, because I think that I would be rolling down the hill if it was!

My dad kind of joked saying that my late brother (down there) also laughed at me, seeing his only sister had a great fall this year while visiting his grave. We kind of had to take some time to calm ourselves down from the laughter. We continued reciting the doa and I noticed some heads turning and smiling while passing us. I made a straight face since I knew that it was because of the incident. I had to hold Ashraf's hand to get up (just in case the heels sinked again and I'd lost balance, AGAIN!)

In the car, we continued laughing and my dad started singing the Suatu Hari di Hari Raya song with the lyrics changed to resembling what happened. And he said that it was hilarious seeing someone tumbling over the grave. Luckily it wasn't 'someone' or 'something' pulling from below!

Well, that's my story. So, how was your Raya?

p/s: I'd really appreciate it if friends who know me in person, not to tell the story with my real name. It's kind of embarrassing.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

2007-10-11T01:02:00.000+08:00

Another 2 days before Ramadhan will be over. And it means that it is the time of year again where all Muslims will celebrate the 'victory' of the 'tested' month. How did we do this year? Hopefully, better than last year.

I'd like to wish all of you out there, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Maaf zahir dan batin. Have a safe journey to your hometown and back.

Get Your Graphic Here

Mc Dreamy, Mc Steamy and Mr. Big....

2007-10-02T07:38:00.000+08:00

I am soooo obsessed with Grey's Anatomy. I just love Meredith Grey, Izzie Stevens and the hot but selfish Alex Karev. Lately I have been falling head over heels for George O'Malley - the cutest and most kind friend a friend could ask for. If I were to choose my Mc Dreamy, it would definitely be George. And my Mc Steamy would be Karev. Which comes to this - I can't wait for the 4th season to be on DVD!

SATC's Mr. Big is also one of the most hottest bachelor ever on TV. His charisma and charms really make me drool. But it has been a while since I've followed the series. Maybe I will catch the series again especially the final season one day.

Back to reality here, is there really every Mc Dreamy, Mc Steamy or Mr Big out there for us? Not that it's important or means anything, but sometimes it kinds of gives us 'hope' and motivation. Haha.. am I being absurd here? I hope not.

My personal view is that I don't think that it is wrong having your own Mc Dreamy or Mc Steamy of Mr. Big. As long as you know what you're getting yourself into, then just enjoy the dream.

Do I have my Mc Dreamy, Mc Steamy or Mr. Big? Hmm.. a difficult question here.

What Has Happened???

2007-09-21T16:25:00.000+08:00

A shocking way to find out about the news of Adik Nurin Jazlin. My deepest sympathy for the family.

Semoga adik Nurin damai di sana.

Alfatihah.

A Bit About Lelaki Ini and Other Stuffs...

2007-09-01T13:48:00.000+08:00

My favourite song this month is Lelaki Ini by Anuar Zain. Some may call me vain and a helpless 'jiwang karat' girl, but the romantic side of me made me fall for this ever truly love song. I fell in love with this song the first time I heard the song being aired on Era. And ever since, I'd be waiting every single minute of my day for the song on Era and Hot.fm.

I have my own vision of this song that I share with my best friends involving my wedding day (which I do not know when and who might it be with hehehe). But I am really eager to set my hands on the full album when it is released.

On a different story, I can't wait for the hectic weeks to end. Hopefully soon. I have been working so hard that I never have time for myself anymore. And I have been missing a lot. Shopping for instance, I did not have anytime to spend on things I needed and have been saving for. Anyway, I did find time last Thursday to go to Mid Valley in work clothes after deciding to take leave after an important event and that was done there and then after the event ended. Luckily my boss did not object to it since she would have on other occasions. I had plans with friends but it seemed that they could not make it. So there I was, all dressed up in work attire (I love going to KL with the sophisticated look), and heading to Mid Valley after visiting a colleague in the hospital. And as planned, I headed for the Centre Court for the free make-over by M.A.C. for the launching of smoke signals. Did a bit of touch up there and I was stunned to see my face in the mirror. I have never worn smokey eyes since my eyes ar large and they'd make me look like a 'step mother' as my mom would say. But this definitelly didn't. So, there I headed to the M.A.C. store and bought the fabulous make-up thingy and went splurging on shoes.

My full face after the makeover (mind the bluriness since I was using my phone)

My eyes - at home

So, there goes my shopping splurge for this time of the Mega Sale period. Wish I had more time, but tomorrow is the end of the Mega Sale. Maybe next year.

This is the lyrics for Lelaki Ini..

Lelaki ini..

Kasih, kenanganku
Ingatkah saat saat dulu
Kasih, apakah dirimu
Merasakan semua itu
Kemanapun langkahku pergi
Ku masih melihat bayanganmu cintaku
Dan kemanapun arah anginku berlari
Hati ini masih kau miliki
Lelaki ini yang selalu mencintamu
Selalu, tanpa ragu
Lelaki ini yang selalu memuja
Hanya dirimu
Yang bertakhta dalam sanubariku
Sanubari ku
Aku yang mencintakan mu
Hanya dirimu?
Karena cintaku
tak berbatas waktu
Karena cintaku
tak mengenal jenuh hatimu
Hatimu?

A Special Dedication for A Special Person...

2007-08-11T20:20:00.000+08:00

11th of August 2007. A special day to be remembered.

I fell in 'a trance' on the first day I saw you. And I couldn't believe it that you were enrolling in the PhD program since you looked so young and boyish. But it's true. And that boyish face and smile made my heart melt each and every time I saw you.

My colleagues were very sporting knowing that I fancied you and they would always find ways to make me entertain your matters. But it was very seldom. Either I was very busy or had no time.

So today IS the day.

Congratulations on being awarded the Doctor of Philosophy degree today. You have worked hard and deserve the degree at a young age. And the best part is that the convocation ceremony this year (especially for PhD graduates) falls on your birthday. Two big events in one day! How lucky!

Congratulations again and happy birthday Dr. Teruaki Yoshida!! Hope to see you again one day.

Is it time yet?

2007-07-08T18:44:00.000+08:00

I guess I have to let go sometime...

Has the time arrived?

Maybe not..

But it seems to be near..

Very near..

Reluctant?

Probably

But sooner or later, it has to be done

Permanently letting go?

I have no clue

Just time will tell...

And currently waiting for the time to let go

And I'll be flying like the balloons in the air..

Free and waiting for the wind to send me to anywhere...

Well, we'll wait forthe moment

I have the courage to let go of writing

Like letting the balloons fly away...

*Pics from grange85's photostream

Have Been Hiding Lately...

2007-06-30T21:11:00.000+08:00

I have been busy to the max and exhausted with my work but I still love it. Only lately there have been some hiccups here and there and a big rumour which will effect my reputation. And I don't know who to trust and who to not trust. I am just keeping quiet and let it all fade away. I'll leave people to judge me by what they see. And I hope I can still hold my chin high.

Enough of my dilemma. I got the chance to fly to Pontianak on a work related matter middle of the month and stumbled upon this. It really attracted many (I guess all) the male delegates. The different usage of words from the same ethnic may bring certain meanings in different cultures. Anyway, just wanted to share it with all.

Translation : Charge for porter's service in Supadio Airport - IDR 3500 /bra

p/s: oh by the way, I have a belated wish and upcoming birthday celebrations which I don't know I have the time to wish on the day itself. So, here it goes:

1. happy belated birthday to Kak Nani (14th June);

2. happy birthday to Chip (1st July) and;

3. happy birthday to the coolest dude I have ever met (just pulling your leg here ;-)) - Javard (2nd July).

Hope you guys will have a prosperous and wonderful year ahead.

Big Girls Don't Cry...

2007-06-14T10:54:00.000+08:00

Big Girls Don't Cry

Da Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

I hope you know
I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps
'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

La Da Da Da Da Da

This is now my current favourite song. It has been playing over and over in my head. I seem to be in a trance when I listen to this song. It seems like I have something in my mind that I have to sort out myself - which is true. And I don't know where to spill it all out. Here? Hmmm.. maybe. But I don't think so.

One thing for sure, I love this song. It is so ME.

Congratulations...

2007-06-06T00:15:00.000+08:00

It started with the invitation cards received from friends. My classmate from MRSM sent an invitation card for her big day. Her solemnization ceremony will be held in Perlis on the 27th of May.

Then came the second card. One of my best friends in my university years. She's getting married on the same day - 27th of May.

The problem was that on that day, I had to be in Langkawi for a seminar.

Jo, my ex-classmate, also invited me to attend the wedding reception in KL the following weekend - 3rd June. And luckily I was free. And I was surprised to see how small the world is after finding out that her soulmate is my friend's brother, who the friend happens to be her levelmate in matriculation (phew, its hard to describe!). Anyway, congratulations Johana and Humaizi.

Johana and Humaizi - smiling from ear to ear. Hope your lives will be filled with happiness.

Cik Tun, congratulations dear. Sorry I could not make it on your big day since I really wanted to. I knew it that you'd be the second person tying the knot after Chacha. And the next person in line I would say Pe'. Followed by Za and Imah. Hehehe.. Congratulations again dear.

The old days. Trip to Langkawi. Cik Tun- the bride in the red circle

On the same day as Jo's reception, I dropped by to see the new born baby girl. Raz, my colleague went into labour on the 28th of May and gave birth to a healthy baby girl. Congratulations dearie.

Nuraz Zafrin Dania binti Mohd. Fadzil - so sweet. Has her father's charm.

p/s: Oh by the way, congratulations to Pak Lah for his second wedding this Saturday with Jeanne Abdullah. Another eligible bachelor taken after Raja Nazrin. *sigh*.

I Don't Love You....

2007-05-30T09:53:00.000+08:00

It has been a while since I've heard this song being played on air. I fell in love instantly the first time listening to the song. And now, it is being played on Era.

I Don't Love You

Well, when you go
Don't ever think
I'll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back
I'll be off to find another way
And after all this time that you still owe
You're still the good-for-nothing
I don't know
So take your gloves and get out
Better get out
While you can
When you go
Would you even turn to say
I don't love you
Like I did yesterday
Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you
Down and out
It's where you oughta stay
And after all the blood that you still owe
Another dollar's just another blow
So fix your eyes and get up
Better get up
While you can
Whoa, whooa
When you go
Would you even turn to say
I don't love you
Like I did yesterday
Well come on, come on
When you go
Would you have the guts to say
I don't love you
Like I loved you yesterday
I don't love you
Like I loved you yesterday
I don't love you
Like I loved you yesterday

You have made us proud

2007-05-20T01:41:00.000+08:00

A Shining Star

Never in my mind I would expect that petite girl from Penang to win and break the record of being the first female AF winner in the first concert of this season.
Never in my mind I thought I would love watching her on Diari Akademi Fantasia in the first 3 weeks of this season.
Never in my mind I thought I would be voting again in this season's AF in the first half of the season.
Never in my mind I thought I would fall in love with the cheekiness and the naiveness of this truly straight forward girl after thinking that she was the most annoying, attention seeker and spoilt little brat in the first 3 weeks of the season.

But I guess I was wrong.
You made my eyes open and spot your big talent after the 4th concert and it made me want more.
You mesmerized me with the powerful vocals and emotions.
And you really deserve to win girl.

Congratulations my girl.
You have got the power.
All the best in the real world out there.
I'll always pray for your success.

___________________________________________________________________

A Tribute to The Number 1 Host - Aznil Hj. Nawawi

It started with a new reality TV show.

But it got me hooked 24-7.

Especially the host.

Talkative.

Funny.

Sensitive.

I can never imagine my days without listening to him brag on the TV.

And being replaced by someone else.

But I know that it is his decision.

Whatever you do, we will support you and remember you.

And now, I am trying to imagine my years (not days anymore) without Aznil Hj. Nawawi to host my favourite reality show.

Would it be the same?

Will it have that special effect?

Only time will tell....

*Sigh*

**Pics of Mila taken from www.astro.com.my/akademifantasia . Pic of Aznil taken from http://groups.myspace.com/af3fc.

Song Memories...

2007-05-15T18:14:00.000+08:00

This morning, while I was on my way to work, I kind 'went' back to my university years. I was tuning in to Fly.fm when this particular song was being aired. The song, Good Riddance by Green Day suddenly made me remember this particular person - CX1234. Until today, I do not know who this CX1234 is.

It started with an email to my student email address. One thing for sure, I know that it was someone in the university itself. And we started to reply emails until I finished studying. And finally when I tried to guess who CX1234 is, the email stopped. During the last days in my studies, CX1234 dedicated this song.

Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right
I hope you had the time of your life
So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right
I hope you had the time of your life
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right
I hope you had the time of your life
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right
I hope you had the time of your life.

Hmm.. I'm still wondering who CX1234 is. Anyone out there would like to confess?

Bukan diriku...

2007-05-13T12:13:00.000+08:00

Setelah kupahami
Ku bukan yang terbaik
Yang ada di hatimu
Tak dapat kusangsikan
Ternyata dirinyalah
Yang mengerti kamu
Bukanlah diriku

Kini maafkanlah aku
Bila ku menjadi bisu
Kepada dirimu
Bukan santunku terbungkam
Hanya hatiku berbatas
Tuk mengerti kamu
Maafkanlah aku

Walau kumasih mencintaimu
Kuharus meninggalkanmu
Kuharus melupakanmu
Meski hatiku menyayangimu
Nurani membutuhkanmu
Kuharus merelakanmu

Dan hanyalah dirimu
Yang mampu memahamiku
Yang dapat mengerti aku
Ternyata dirinyalah
Yang sanggup menyanjungmu
Yang lama menyentuhmu
Bukanlah diriku

And at last, the day has arrived...

2007-05-06T18:41:00.000+08:00

1000 tokens for guests - made by ehem..ehem.. ME. :-)

After being extremely busy for my brother's reception, I can now say that I am relieved. After all the rushing back from work and then to Nilai 3 and rushing back home before sunset, I can now relax and resume my old life where weekends are spent at home or shopping (window shopping, that is) and nights in front of the TV are not spent with eyes elsewhere than the set itself. I mean I have been rushing here and there and at nights, I'd still be in front of the TV with all the towels to decorate for the guests token and the hantaran. I'd stay up until I just can't open my eyes anymore to stay awake (and that will be around 1 am).

Token for kids

1000 tokens for guests plus the hantaran, really changed my 'life' for the past 3 months. I am glad that I can go back to my 'normal' life. But I seem to miss those days. And now I am wondering should I venture in the bridal business? Hmmm...

p/s: More pics here

The Day I Find Yoga Interesting

2007-04-09T18:14:00.000+08:00

I am a bit new into the yoga world. And my physique is in 'the way' of doing such poses and turning me into a huge human-pretzel. Anyway, I have been intrigued in trying this exercise since I have seen that it has done wonders to people around me. And all these while, I have been a silent reader of this blog.

So, in the spirit of helping my 'guru' I am putting this in my blog.

I am wishing you all the best and will be voting for you.

Wedding ceremonies...

2007-03-18T03:17:00.000+08:00

Just a sneak preview of what I have been doing lately.

10th March 2007

Fida & Sham

Went to Baling, Kedah to witness and be the 'official' photographer for her solemnization ceremony as well as the reception. She has been my colleague for about 5 years now and has been one of my closest friend. She tied the knot with the man of her dreams introduced by another colleague. And then, the relationship bloomed. She said that she never planned to settle down so quick but that's fate.

Selamat pengantin baru Fida & Sham. Moga kekal bahagia ke anak cucu.

17th March 2007

All the hantaran

The dowry in the form of a rose bouquet and the wedding ring.

Other things that kept me busy for the past few weeks were the preparation for my younger brother's solemnization ceremony. I took care of all the hantarans and all the decoration of the dowry and other gifts for my sister-in-law-to-be. I am not that creative but everything turned out quite okay. Simple and sweet (ni perasan ni). The best part was that my youngest brother, who was in charge of putting all the dulang (trays) and the alas dulang (cover of the trays) in the car, forgot to put the alas dulang in the car and our hantaran kind of missed something. I felt really disappointed since I was the one making sure that everything was pretty and we missed that particular thing. But, I had to accept it. My mom was making a fuss about it at the bride's house and blamed me. In the end, she admitted of placing the alas dulang in the bedroom - which I placed in front of the hantarans so we would not forget.

Anyway, everything went well. My brother has moved on in a different phase with only one lafaz of the akad. I didn't take any pictures since we were the family members of the groom and it seemed inappropriate. Not to worry since there was a photographer present at the bride's house. I will just have to wait the pictures from their side.

Selamat pengantin baru Abang & Inn. And Inn, welcome to the family.

p/s: Yesterday was only the solemnization ceremony. The reception at the bride's side will be in the end of April and the following week will be the groom's side. That's why I said in my previous entry that I'll be busy till May. :-)

My mind is in tangles

2007-03-02T16:48:00.000+08:00

Inside my mind - full of tangles...

It's been a hectic week and month for me. I have something coming up which is important and takes up a lot of my time. I mean a lot has to be sorted out and with the work pressure and all, I am quite thankful that I can still breathe!

Anyway, I still managed to watch the finale of What Women Want and felt happy as Hafiz won the contest. He really deserves the title.

Torn Between 2 Crushes

2007-02-14T17:06:00.000+08:00

It's the time of the year where couples shower their loved one's with 'unconditional' love. And I think that this entry would be a bit mushy and lovey-dovey type. So those who hate the mushy lovey-dovey entry, I'd advice you to stop here. But I think that you're going to miss this once of a lifetime reading this type of entry.

Sexy eyes.

Remember my entry about What Women Want? I can say that I have found the criteria I'd like in my soulmate and partner in life. I have seen that I love Sham's character in the first few episodes. Sham is like a version of a hero and really takes care of his girl but doesn't show his romantic side. He doesn't know how to be affectionate towards women but when he does show it even if it seems silly, it is cute and it does seem sincere.

Another plus point for Sham is because of his physique. He makes me feel secured - well actually I am just 'dreaming' being with him. And in my dreams, I do feel safe and secured.

Sweet and sincere. Simply irresistable.

Hafiz never really caught my attention the first few episodes. His naiveness kind of irritated me in one episode when he had to play against Carliff to determine the 'weakest' player in the team to face the jury. He was like being the too kind-hearted. But peopple started noticing him when he started to win most of the tasks. And being only one of the two contestants speaking in Malay in this show really gave him some extra airtime. And another plus point for him is his kind heart and him being down-to-earth. His sincere friendship does not make others hate him, but love him more. Just a downside when he lets his emotions interfere with his judgement. But in the show, I don't see that as a negative point but an advantage since this is about what women want.

We can see his sincerity in his actions and makes his eyes twinkle. He has the persona of what women seek in a man.

Me? Oh my God! I think I am going to faint!

Anyway, the third crush is about Darius, a character in Dunia Baru in the second season. His character was played by Iqram Dinzly. He has the looks and really knows how to play the character as if it was his own personality. I have seen him playing other roles in Cinta Medik aired on Thursdays 8.30 pm at TV9. A bit naïve and nerdy compared to Darius in Dunia Baru. Which by the way confuses me - am I attracted to Iqram Dinzly personally or just Darius, the role he played?

Sexy eyes.. gorgeous!

Dr. Gregory House is another crush of mine. The way he speaks, the cynical remarks and blunt accusations attract me in a way. His appearance as a 'rough' and 'tough' guy with an unshaven beard is really tempting. And the same question that has been playing in my mind here - am I attracted to Dr. House or Laurie in person?

See? I am not just torn between 2 crushes but 4!

Who shall it be?

*p/s: I am really hoping that Hafiz will be the winner for What Women Want but at the same time I wish Sham would also win it. Any one of these two who would win this title of What Women Want would really make my day. Good luck Sham and Hafiz.

Pics are from http://www.coliseum-suits.com/charles/ , http://www.hughlaurie.co.uk/ and my own gallery.

Just a quick note...

2007-02-06T19:14:00.000+08:00

Pic taken on the live telecast of ABPBH 2006. Fara's winning speech.

Today, 7th February 2007, is the xxth birthday of Fara Fauzana. She has bloomed and grown to be a funky and cheerful host of Melodi and also a deejay at hotFM.

I doubted her ability last 2 years when she started at Era.fm. But she has proved me wrong. She did earn 2 trophys back to back as the best female host in Anugerah Bintang Popular Berita Harian 2005 and 2006. And she is climbing the ladder for the best female deejay one day.

Anyway, Fara, happy birthday and congratulations for being named the best female host in ABPBH 2006.

When A Grandmother Misses the Grandchild

2007-02-01T19:22:00.000+08:00

My grandmother (my mom's aunt) passed away today. I weren't really close to her but my parents forces us to visit my late grandmother and grandfather every year without a miss since our schooldays on Hari Raya.

She has been ill since I can't remember when. But my grandfather would take care of her no matter what. She sometimes has lapses of memories and mood swings which results in her change of 'friendliness' towards people.

One year, during Hari Raya Aidilfitri, I visited her and since I have started working, I kind of gave her 'duit raya'. At the feel of the angpau in her hands, her face that was once very sour and has no smile, changed. Her lips moved upward to form a thin smile on her face. That year, when the family came to visit us, she was talking non-stop to me - pouring all her stories about my late grandmother and how she misses her and sometimes dream of her. She told me stories about my grandfather, her grandchildren and I just listened and laughed at her stories. And she says that she always pray for my success and my health and never be ill.

The next year and the following year, I couldn't visit her during Raya since I had to go to Singapore for an outstation and caught a fever the following year. My mom said that Nenek Alang asked about my whereabouts and says that she has been praying for my success in life and my health.

I made a promise to myself last year that I will visit her during Hari Raya. She was so excited and delighted to see me and as usual, I'd be the one talking to her and listening all her stories. Even my aunts were kind of surprised to see Nenek Alang talking non-stop with me.

I never knew that that was the last day that I would be listening to her stories. She passed away this morning at 10.10am with her children and husband beside her at the age of 65. I know that I would miss her and her saying... ' Nenek selalu doakan agar kau berjaya dalam hidup, sihat selalu dan tak sakit...'. Alfatihah.

Dr. Quinn, The Medicine Woman; Chicago Hope; ER;Grey's Anatomy; House

2007-01-23T23:37:00.000+08:00

The man of my dreams.. yeah.. get real!!

Recently, I have been extremely hooked on tv shows and drama about the medical world. In my years in school, I would love watching The Medicine Woman starring Jane Seymour. Just watching that series is like having my dinner.

Although I am not fond of seeing blood gushing everywhere on the hands and human organs, I wouldn't mind watching them in a drama. But if it was a documentary, I would just change the channel since I'd feel as if the operation was done on me. That was one of the reasons I did not take Biology as a subject in SPM but took accounts instead.

After the Medicine Woman, came Chicago Hope. It was kind of a more modern medicine world and a bit of drama here and there. Followed by E.R. with the gorgeous George Clooney in the first season (am drooling here). Speaking of George Clooney, there is another handsome hunk in the show - Noah Wyle. I'd really daydream of meeting a boyfriend with the looks of Noah Wyle (well at that time, I would be attracted to foreign men and it was no problem for me) and get attracted to pan-asian looking guys.

This series also reminded me of a friend who told me that her father thought that this was a ghost and a thriller because the of the title -ER (which he pronounced as err and not e.r.). Pe' , if you're reading this, I want you to know that I miss those days. Same goes to Cha, Cik Tun, I'm and Za.

What is it that attracts me?

Today, there are 2 competing series about medicine world - Grey's Anatomy and House. Both series are different in the attraction. I mean Grey's Anatomy is more of the medical college love drama between the residents and the interns. House on the other hand is a series about a kind of a weirdo doctor but has a brilliant mind and solves cases just by sitting in his office and letting his staff do all the check up and he'll figure out what the patients have and cure them by his staff's report. Dr. Gregory House is a heartless doctor on the outside and is a total weirdo. But nevertheless, I am so in love with his character. And very attracted too.

Anyway, in the recently in the Golden Globe Awards on Tuesday, 16th of January, the lovable Dr. House or his real name Hugh Laurie was named as the best actor in a drama. Grey's Anatomy was also awarded the best drama or mini series in the Golden Globe Award.

The season 2 finale of House was aired yesterday on AXN. House was shot twice by his patient and he was hallucinating. I was kind of shocked and said to myself, are they discontinuing the series? I woke up this morning and was thrilled to get to the office so I could check the website. And pheww.. what a relief, there is a 3rd season.

Congratulations to the directors and producers of Grey's Anatomy and House. And to you too, Hugh Laurie.

*Pictures taken from http://www.hughlaurie.co.uk/ and http://www.smugmug.com/gallery/.

VE - The Boyz II Men of Malaysia

2007-01-22T00:01:00.000+08:00

I have always been a fan of VE since their first appearance with Ruffedge. The collaboration album kind of put Ruffedge in the spotlight first since the music industry was more to rap thingy than harmonious tunes at that time. Extreme Pleasures was given to me by a friend, Sham, a freelancer who was invited to the launch of the album. At that time, I couldn’t guess who belonged to which group. But I enjoyed the songs till the end of the album.

The second encounter of VE happened when they introduced the songs competing for Juara Lagu. I was so impressed by their work and really started to like their songs. Ayu was their first single that captured my heart.

Among other things that did kind of made my heart love this group instantly was the harmonious sound that erupts when they sing and the soothing effect it brings to my ears and straight to my soul. I just can't seem to get enough of them once I listen to them singing. It is as if I am in a trance.

I know that some of their songs would be very suitable played during wedding ceremonies. I'd love my wedding to be filled with their songs and maybe a live performance of Izinkan, Kerna Sayang and Ayu just dedicated to me. I'll feel like floating in the air and never touch the earth again.

I just had to blog about them since I couldn't get their performance in Zoom in Bersama VE last 2 weeks. And in my mind, I just keep playing their songs and performance. See, I told you that their music is magical. Even as I am writing this, I can hear them singing.

All the best VE. You guys rock!

p/s: a friend told me that he'd be going to Boyz II Men's concert in February. Next weekend the boys would perform here in Malaysia. How I wish I could go. I was thinking of an excuse to give to my parents but it seems that I am out of luck. That particular weekend the boys would be in town, I would be involve in a workshop. Shoot!

p/p/s: Congratulations Adibah Noor for winning the AJL 21 tonight. She was mesmerizing and her song just reached out even to viewers at home.

Malay Sayings...

2007-01-16T10:35:00.000+08:00

Have you ever had the opportunity to listen to the elder generations' stories about Malay sayings? You should listen and find some of them fascinating. Like if a single woman sings in the kitchen, she will be marrying and old guy. I have been singing in the kitchen since I was in standard 6, and until now, nothing has happened. Another favourite saying is that if a woman sits on the steps of the verandah, she will turn up to be an old maid.

Sometimes these sayings are just a way to frighten people from doing that particular things. I mean, if you happen to overhear a lady singing in the kitchen, what would come to your mind?

Elder generations have their own reasons in making these sayings. I mean, it is not considered as 'polite' seeing a young woman sitting at the steps in front of the verandah while the young lads passes by on the way from work or any place. And singing in the kitchen will sometimes 'interrupt' the concentration on the meal being cooked and as a result, burnt meals will be served.

Other Malay sayings are made due to preventing things to happen in a polite way (since the Malays are very rich in politeness). But there is one thing that I cannot understand of the Malay sayings - if you dream being bit by a snake, you will be asked for your hand in marriage. How is that possible? Why does a dream, which is considered as your mind being in a non-concious state, has something to do with marriage? I mean, I don't get it. I have no idea where this came from.

In form 5, I did dream of being it by a snake - ular lidi in green colour and has a tiny black spot on it's head. But nothing about marriage happened. And last night, I had a dream about being surrounded by 2 pythons. And being me (I am not a fan of snakes - geli seeing the way they move), I dreamnt that one of the pythons was in tangles - of his own body and the other was crawling all over and trying to wrap around me. I was trying to get the head away from my head since it was appearing to swallow me. I just woke up in cold sweat.

Maybe my dream was caused by the aspirin and cough syrup I consumed due to my cold and fever that I have been having the past few days. But I just couldn't relate the dream and the saying made. Not that I believe in the sayings, but why did the elder generations make up such a saying. Any ideas?

What Women Want..

2007-01-11T23:49:00.000+08:00

Picture courtesy of www.8tv.com.my

Reality shows really glues me in front of the TV if it attracts me somehow - either being so silly, hillariously funny or just because of the fame and vibes it sents through Malaysians. Have any of you got the chance to catch this series of What Women Want? It is similar to Mencari Cinta but instead of being judged by one woman which in the end you will have a relationship built (depends if it lasts or not), this is a series judged by women defining if that guy is the type that women seek.

I have been following this show since the second week and missed one episode. These guys are selected from various backgrounds and some are not from Malaysia (I guess since I can not find anything regarding this series and just assuming that some are not really Malaysians). They have different jobs, charming in some ways, attractive in other ways and some make me drool. Like Sham, a special event's planner has the charisma of the man of my dreams the first time I set my eyes on him (well, through the TV). Christian, an english lecturer, on the other hand had the looks and features that I like (which my friends laugh out loud and say that I am blind).

Well after tonight, we won't be seeing Tom, a PhD student and lecturer who is only 25 on the show. He is cute in a way and reminds me of someone I cannot recall. He looks like he is too nice and from the episodes I have watched, he is the type that is kind of laid back. The others would communicate with the camera in English and only Tom and Hafiz, a hairstylist, would speak in Bahasa Melayu.

What is it that women want from their men? What are the qualities we search for? One thing for sure is that the older - I'd rephrase that, the more matured the women gets, the more choosy they become. We tend to change to a perfectionist.

Back to the question - what woman want. What is it that we want?

1. Be a gentleman and at the same time show that you are still in power. Women sometimes need someone they can rely on and lean on at times they feel vulnarale. Being too in power sometimes give indicators of a show-off.

2. Listen and don't make fun of the stories we tell you. Well, you can laugh at our jokes but not at us. And never make fun of us. That is totally a no-no.

3. Do not be to clingy and protective. We women can be clingy, but men, please don't. It is just a turn off if the men clings on the women. Being too protective means we only have little space for ourselves. Let us loosen up a little.

4. Be your true self. Show the real you. Even though you might not get us easily, but being persistent in your approach will make us realize your existance and your seriousness in having a bond with us.

5. Honesty is a must. Be honest and never lie because once we catch you lying to us, it may be over.

6. He respects parents, family and friends. Willing to be patient in trying to 'change' our bad habits.

Well, that's just my opinion and what I have been observing people around me. Showering women with gifts and presents is an advantage (and sometimes a big bonus to women who loves pampering with materials).

Well, what do you want in a man?

Good bye 2006, Welcome 2007

2007-01-07T14:03:00.000+08:00

It has been quite some time since I have pulished any entry. I have been extremely busy and under a lot of pressure lately which I just can't seem to pour it out. My hair has been thining and I kind of feel exhausted almost every time of the day even after 5 hours of sleep. I know that is is really bad for my health but I don't seem to have found anyway to solve my problems but just live my day one day at a time and do the best I can and let the rest be in what is meant to be. At least, I make sure that I have done my best.

2006 was full of ups and downs for me. From my personal life to my career, everything has made and effect on what I am now. In some ways I feel stronger and more independant but in other ways, I feel vulnarable. And at times I break down and crumble. But every down turn in my life builds a stronger me.

2007 has arrived (actually arrived last 7 days), and I did not make any resolutions this year because last year's resolution I could not fulfill. But that doesn't mean that I don't have anything in my mind, it is just that I don't think that I can write it down and let the world read it and in the end say that not even one of the resolutions were achieved. It is like being demoralized at the end of the year. That is only my opinion. And I would look down on myself for not achieving any resolutions that year.

I do check now and then my resolutions made earlier and sometime prioritize it. It is kind of making short term goals and long term goals in my life. I ammend these goals maybe one or two times a year and find it really helpful in achieving the resolutions made.

Changing the subject to something more material, I have a wishlist made but not for 2007 only. This wishlist will be added maybe weekly, monthly or annually depending on my needs and what makes me satisfied. I have been eyeing on new lenses for my baby slr, Canon 350D and an external flash to complete and upgrade my kit. But at the same time, I have to sharpen my skills in photography and maybe attend photography workshops and seminars and tag along when they invite photographers for shootings. I just learn from reading and experiments.

Other wishlist includes girly stuffs. Among them are:

1. A Coach handbag ( today's most wanted collection) / This DKNY handbag

2. A brand new Tissot

3. Elizabeth Arden's Provocative Interlude scent

4. A Sony Viao VGN-C13G in Pink

That's all for now. The list will be added from time to time. And I guess it is still not to late to wish all of you happy new year and may this year be filled with joy, happiness and success.

Dr. Love... Where Are You???

2006-11-29T17:47:00.000+08:00

Can people fall out of love? I guess so. Lately people around me has been having problems which I myself can't figure out or give suggestions other than hang in there or be calm and think wisely on the decision that you are going to make.

First case:

My dearest best friend, Elle really likes this guy. But she knows that she can't have him. He is kind of more or less taken. But according to my friend, Elle, he gives hints at the same time has someone special. She has tried her best to ignore him but she can't seem to do that. She sometimes feel awkward and this feelings show. Like on one day, she tried to ignore his presence but the guy himself makes her notice him in every way. And on other days, he'd ignore her completely!

I adviced her to just forget about him when she told me about the girlfriend kind of knows her presence and her feelings towards her boyfriend. The girlfriend would always put on the serious and stern face whenever their paths cross. Sometimes the jelingan confuses my friend here. How does she know about her feelings towards her boyfriend? I mean is there any chance that the guy told her girlfriend about my friend here? In a way, I think it's best for my friend to forget him. She even thought of changing departments since she said that it is hard to act normal when he is around. I can only say that I wish for the best for you and hang in there.

Second case:

Long distance relationships seldom last. I was in this situation once(though it we were not that far away) but I kind of knew at that time that it would go no where but I just ignored the feeling and went on with it. But my friend - R's case is different. She got engaged before going separate ways since her fiance furthered his studies overseas.

The first 2 years were okay but R said that starting the 3rd year, communication with her fiance seemed to thin off. From receiving calls every week, it became only once a month and then once every 2 months and then only on her birthday - which on that year it became belated (a week later than the day), and finally all the calls stopped.

R thought that because her fiance was busy with exams. But she felt her relationshp had gone wrong somewhere. Her fiance didn't inform her the date of his arrival after completing his studies.

And they met up later than R expected. It was Ramadhan and R met up with her fiance to break fast. R sensed that her fiance had changed and the meeting went awkward. Both parties had an awkward night.

R told me that she tried to patch things up but it isn't working. And she said that she's willing to give in for their sake.

I am bit surprised and shocked to hear all this. I mean, I myself have problems finding love which I thought was kind of crucial at my age, but I guess people who found love earlier isn't guaranteed to be happy.

On the other hand, another friend, E-in, is getting engaged end of this year. She met her future fiance last July and has been dating by then. She was paired up by a friend and it seems to be serious. And guess what, by next year, most probably during Chinese New Year, she'll be married.

I guess love works in a way no one understands.

Pressies For Me?

2006-11-20T18:14:00.000+08:00

I have never treated myself on my birthday due to it being in the middle of the month and pay day is almost a week away. And being able to spend money at that time means either you are rich or stingy.

But this year due to the fact that the first pay for the bonus was made during raya holidays plus my turn for the 'main kutu' was on the same month, I kind of had extra money until the next pay day (for Raya celebrations, the pay day was made early one week so most of us had to really save and plan the expenditure until the next pay day). So I treated myself with these.

Open House Part 2

2006-11-17T17:30:00.000+08:00

Weekends are filled with open houses. And weekdays are filled with open offices. Yesterday was my office's open house. Most of the open office's have the same menu (more or less). But ours were slightly different. And the best part was it was my birthday.

I kind of chose yesterday because I wanted people to be involved in the preparation and entertaining guests so that they'll forget about my birthday. And it really did work! But 2 friends remembered and in the afternoon, the whole office started to sing happy birthday to me.

It was kind of touching and sad at the same time since I am getting old but they still remembered despite of the really enjoyable open house. In the end, it felt like I treated the whole office with all the dishes.

Open Houses

2006-11-05T19:35:00.000+08:00

This is like the second week of raya and there are still many open houses to attend. Every single weekend is rather occupied attending open houses or being the host. Usually people just host one open house but my family's style is a bit different.

Last Friday, the whole office came to my house. We kind of made turns to visit the each houses. Almost every weekend there'll be houses to attend. So my menu for that particular day was - fried meehoon, nasi impit and kuah kacang, chocolate moist cake, agar-agar santan, nuggets, prune cake and Raya cookies. I took the day off to prepare the feast for my officemate and guess what - I was exhausted! But I only felt it after showering that night! I guess I stood the whole day and being me, I'd get cramps in my legs due to low level of salt in my blood and also for standing the whole day! Sometimes I feel like a pregnant lady because of the regular cramps I get at night. But what is it to be surprised, my upper half is large. Of course I get cramps.

I use to get cramps regularly in fasting months when the food intake is only once (since I skip sahur). But I usually take 100 Plus since it is full of minerals and can increase the salt level in my blood. But that night, I was out of 100 Plus. I got cramps on both legs and awoke in the middle of the night.

Anyway, I hope the food was okay and my friends enjoyed the dishes. All made by me - ehem ehem. A colleague commented that I can really win a man's heart by my cooking. Haha.. I know that she's just kidding because she wanted me to cook asam pedas for her the other day.

Today, my youngest brother invited his friends over. I made mee kari this time (actually my mom did the cooking since she wanted to cook mee kari. I just helped with the ingredients and the garnishing). Oh by the way, yesterday my uncle placed orders for the agar-agar santan. At first he wanted to ask me to cook kuah kacang for his open house, but I guess he thought that it was a late notice since he wanted it the next day and he informed me on Friday night.

So, next week there'll be more open houses to attend. And there goes my diet again. I had to skip my colleague's open house today since I was entertaining my brother's friends. And I heard that not many turned up. Who is to blame because this time of year and on weekends, people visit each other. I already planned to go but I couldn't get away. And I just heard that there will be my batch's Beserian gathering in Bangi next week. So, I invited them as well since they'll be in Bangi. But thinking back, I think I'd just invite my classmates. The others - I am a bit shy.

My mom joked around and said that I am better off as a cook. She said that with the size of me, people will have confidence to come and eat. Maybe I'd give it a thought. Who knows, I can get side income from that. But the problem is, I just know simple dishes for small quantity only.

Emm.. better think of the menu to cook this Sunday. What will it be eh?

Back to Work...

2006-10-27T08:23:00.000+08:00

Argghhh.. a boring day. I have started to work since yesterday and guess what, I was the only one at the office! At least today I have someone else here with me.

Work? None done since I have to sit at the counter. And to make myself feel that I am not alone, I am watching tv as well. He..he..

My raya holidays were just the same. Maybe because I am getting old. Haha.. anyway how was yours?

Salam Aidilfitri...

2006-10-19T23:12:00.000+08:00

Yeay!! I have started my Raya holidays today. I have been planning to bake cookies and do some spring cleaning until raya eve where on that day, I'd be busy in the kitchen preparing rendang, kuah kacang, ketupat (instant of course) and pulut kuning. And on that particular night, as usual, I'd be washing the kitchen floor (in which some years, I'd finish at 3.00 am!).

But I had to change plans. Instead of baking cookies, I went to Malacca to collect my baju kurung from my tailor. And I went alone. This was my first time driving alone to Malacca (well, I am kind of familiar with the roads since my mom is from Malacca). But I got lost on the way to my tailor's house. I was circling Malacca town for about half an hour before I accidentally found the route I was looking for! And guess what, my back and hip hurts. I could not imagine bikers riding all the way from KL to Malacca let alone from the northern region!

So yesterday was my last day working before raya. My boss will start working at a new department after raya and yesterday was also her last day in my department. So like every year, we had the salam session at 4 pm yesterday. And being her last day in the department, she tried to control herself from crying. She managed to control her voice and not cry when she gave her speech, but when it came to the salam session, all the staffs cried. Even I cried!

She was the first boss that I had ever had. And there were lots of memories with her. Remember when I blogged about hiding under the desk? This was the boss that I hid from. She had helped me a lot and really put her trust in me. She trained me to be what I am today. She recognizes all your efforts and rewards you with what ever rewards and recognition she can give. And all these while, people have been saying that she is such a strict boss. Of course she is. But you should know how to work with her, her visions and her goals. Help her achieve what she has in mind and show her your ability.

I am going to miss working with her. But as they say, life must go on. I'll be getting a new boss after raya. I wonder what she is like. Hopefully I can work with her as I did with the former boss, Madam ND.

Madam ND, all the best in your new department. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all that you have taught me. I am truly sorry for anything that I have done to hurt your feelings. I wish you all the best and success in your new department.

This year, I feel that Ramadhan has flown by so fast. I did not even get the chance to send raya cards to friends like I did last year. Anyway, Kak N, I have received your card and thank you so much.

Specially dedicated to Chip, Cempaka, Javard, Skylar, Paris Gang (Kak N - thanks for the card, Alang, Along, Achik, Kak Rose, Kak Mimi, Tiesya, Shai, Abg Badrul), my officemates and all of you guys:

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri. Maaf zahir dan batin.

Women VS Stilettos

2006-10-14T22:55:00.000+08:00

Women and stilettos are two inseperable things. I know that I have blogged about this before, but I think that this time, it is in a different piont of view.

My brother had a walk-in interview somewhere in Sunway. As he was a bit unfamiliar by the route, he asked for my favour to drive him there. Being me, I found it as an opportunity to go window shopping (since it is the middle of the month even pay day for this month is on th 17th, a lot has to be put aside for Hari Raya).

So, being me, things that I do window shopping would be shoes (especially stilettos), handbags and perfume - all of which I know that I would end up buying. Like last month's salary was kind of splurged in to buying 4 bottles of perfume (100ml each). I guess I know that I have enough stock of perfuume to last for at least 2 years! So, I could resist the urge in buying perfume today.

I was thinking of changing my handbag, so I went surveying for new handbags that I had in mind. I could still resist the feeling to spend on one.

But when it came to stilettos, I just could not resist! I was mad to get my hands on them and parading in the beautiful sandals. So, as you guys could guess, I got a pair of new stilettos, adding one more pair to my collection.

I read somewhere that women in favouring of stilettos might have problems in conceiving because the pelvic bone is being pushed forward and kinds of effects the uterus and other organs in that particular area. But I guess for the time being, let me enjoy wearing stilettos.

Pics from In Style .com

Pencinta Wanita

2006-10-08T11:25:00.000+08:00

One day, I heard my brother singing ' aku memang pencinta wanita... namun ku bukan buaya.. ' with this nasal sound and so forth. It kind of bugged me for sometime and I asked him what song are you singing? He replied ' I was just about to ask why Malaysians listen to this kind of song'. I told him that I have never heard this song before and he said that Era has been playing this song on air for sometime. He has listened to it quite a few times and almost everyday that he can even recall the song. And he said that it was probably an Indonesian song.

Being me, I can recall Indonesian songs quite well (those that have been playing over and over again on Era). But this particular song - I haven't heard. I was quite puzzled because I'd listen to Era almost 24-7 but never once I have heard this song in which I think I'd remember even on the first time because of the lyrics that is quite funny.

So I searched this song on the net and guess what I found - the video of it. So, I'd like to share this song with you guys and enjoy!

Oh by the way, I'll paste the lyrics as well. I think it is a bit funny though. The part where ' namunku bukan buaya..'. He..he.. Enjoy!!

Pencinta Wanita - Irwansyah

Kutemukan dalam pencarian
cinta sejati untuk hidupku
kurang lebih yang seperti dia
kuharap dalam cintaku
ku tak mau menjanjikannya
pasti bahagia bila denganku
biar dia rasakan sendiri
betapa gilanya cintaku
aku memang pencinta wanita
namunku bukan buaya
yang setia pada seribu gadis
ku hanya mencintai dia
aku memang pencinta wanita
yang lembut seperti dia
ingin saat ku akhiri semua
kucari yang dalam hidup
cintaku ternyata kumau hanyalah dia
aku memang pencinta wanita
namun kau bukan buaya
yang setia pada seribu gadis
kau hanya mencintai aku
pencinta wanita
mencintai dia
hanyalah dia

Lyrics taken from Forum Saiyaman Info

ps: Suddenly after listening to this song over and over again from You Tube and Era this morning, I kind of like it. Hehe..

pss: By the way, today is Pion's birthday. I don't think he reads my blog but I would like to wish him happy birthday anyway. Happy birthday Pion!

Halfway through.. already?

2006-10-07T16:22:00.000+08:00

Wow.. time does fly fast these days. One moment, we just started fasting and the next thing you know, we're already on the 14th day of Ramadhan. Time really does fly fast. If you don't grab the opportunity or wait for the last minute, maybe you'll never get what you targeted for this month.

In the month of Ramadhan, almost every year since I have started working and drive myself to work (the first year, my parents sent me and fetched me since it was a way to save on fuel, which was 6 years back) I would be preparing dishes to break fast. We felt more comfortable with the hygiene and stuffs like that. But upon entering Ramadhan every year, I would always remember Ramadhan in my school years.

The year of Ramadhan that I remembered the most was when my father introduced to us delicacies from Terengganu and Kelantan in late 80's. Being from a true Terengganu family, my dad was brought up with delicacies like nekbat, sekaya, buah tanjung, ketupat sotong, ayam percik & akok. So, during fasting month, fasting in places other than Terengganu made him miss all those delicacies. But I guess that somehow people in Bangi mainly has come from all over Malaysia. That year, 1989, my father introduced the Terengganu and Kelantan delicacies to the family due to the opening of Gerai Kesuma (which later became a restaurant here in Bangi. I don't know if it stills operate like the old days).

Nekbat - is delicacy made from rice flour (fried without any oil) and eggs, baked like the bahulu but without any sugar in the batter. It is then served with white sugar syrup and is best served chilled. Nowadays, I can't seem to find nekbat in other places than Terengganu or Kelantan.

Buah tanjung - a delicacy made from flour, sugar and lots of egg yolks. If I am not mistaken, duck eggs. Method of preparation - sorry not familiar but this delicacy is sweet and those with diabetes are not adviced to even taste these. And by the way, if you'd like to know how it looks like, click here. But I must warn you that you'll have your iman tested by browsing the page ;-).

Sekaya - it is actually the 'head' of the seri muka. The brown ones. But in Terengganu, it is sometimes taken alone without the glutinous rice at the bottom. Ingredients for this sekaya are sugar, coconut milk and eggs. The more eggs you put in, the more delicious it taste. The dish is steamed. Another dish that diabetics should stay away from.

Akok - this delicacy can be found here in Bangi for quite sometime already. You don't have to wait till fasting month to find it nowadays. It is made from flour, eggs, sugar and coconut milk. The dish is then poured in the mould and baked using charcoal on top and bottom.

This year, my younger brother (who just came back from furthering his studies and misses these dishes), takes the responsibilities of finding these dishes. He is the only member in the family who loves these dishes and tries to find them in Pasar Ramadhan.

My mom on the other hand, likes delicacies like lompat tikam (made from flour and is served with coconut milk and syrup), badak berendam (glutinous rice flour with sweet coconut filling made into small sized balls and is served in coconut milk), puteri mandi (which is translated to princess bathing - made from glutinous rice flour and is served in sweet coconut milk with grated coconuts), puteri nangka (another version of the puteri mandi but the sweet coconut milk is added with slices of jackfruit) and last but not least, buah melaka or onde-onde.

Speaking of buah melaka, every time I make the dish, I would always remember an incident that happened 8 years ago. My mom wanted so badly to have buah melaka. I got the ingredients ready (after asking my mom about it) and made the dough and put the gula melaka in the middle. I heated the pot and filled it with water to boil and threw in the buah melaka. I waited for 10 minutes while preparing other buah melaka to be cooked. Another 5 minutes passed. None of the first batch floated. I waited again for another 5 minutes. Still none floating. And then after 35 minutes has passed, I asked my mom why it didn't float. My mom came to the kitchen and told me to wait a little longer. But I said that I have waited for more than half an hour. She picked up the packet of flour I used and laughed out loud. She said '...padanlah tak timbul-timbul buah melaka awak.. awak pakai tepung beras, orang kata tepung pulut.. tunggu sampai esok pun tak timbulnya.. '

Well, I thought I heard her saying tepung beras, but it was tepung pulut. I learnt my lesson and by the way, today I'll be making buah melaka again. This time, as an expert. :-)

So Called IT Savvy...

2006-09-30T23:40:00.000+08:00

When I first started to work, I thought that my knowledge in It was quite advance. I mean being among those who started to use the MIRC and going out to the nearest cc just to chat. In that time, the first cc was in Alor Setar and I'd go to Alor Setar just to chat every weekend either with friends or just alone.

At that time, I felt that I was among the 'in' group of IT students. I knew a bit here and there about the internet, programming (which was only a bit but considered as okay) and MIRC ( haha.. who doesn't?). But being a business student, I never got the chance to gain more knowledge about it. And at home, I am considered as the facilitator about computers. So I think that it's okay to say that I am quite IT savvy.

But today's incident proved me wrong. I am planning to buy a new pc for personal use at home and maybe a laptop so that I can do my work anywhere. As we know, technology changes by minutes. And I went to MINES to survey the hardware in a pc since my youngest brother would assemble it.

Going into that shop, my brothers kind of wandered around and started asking question to themselves the difference between Pentium 4 and Intel Core 2 Duo and Dual Core in terms of the best performance, etc. So, I kind of asked the shop assistant ( but from what he explained, he seems to be like the owner) the difference and the performance wise. My brothers than gathered around and listened to the explanation. Being the eldest, I just ohs and ahs and said okays at the explanation. My youngest brother then shooted out questions about upgrading and so on. The manager explained and kind of made eye contact to everyone and everytime he did that, I'd just nodded my head claiming that I understood. His explanation was detail and lead to other information about the graphic card, motherboard etc. I just watched the chat between my brothers and the owner. My eyes just went back and forth from the owner to my brothers and nodded at times that I thought was appropriate.

That went on for about 20 minutes and then my youngest brother said that he'll sleep on it after asking the price range. I felt relieved and it was an indicator that the process of gathering info about the pc in mind is over since I had time limits to meet (yela kan I have to cook). So, my brothers bidded goodbye and off we went. Outside the store, the other brother turned to me and laughed. I asked him why and he replied "ye..ye je tanya soalan mula-mula... muka confident sebab memang awak tahu sikit-sikit la... tapi bila adik mula tanya soalan dan tokey explain, muka blur je.. cuma angguk-angguk je bila tokey tu pandang.."

Hehe.. I was caught red-handed there. And all these while I thought that I was IT savvy. I guess I have to go and buy the Computers for Dummies.

Selamat Menyambut Kedatangan Bulan Yang Berkat - Ramadhan

2006-09-22T15:34:00.000+08:00

We will start to fast Insya-Allah on Sunday. So, sempena kedatangan bulan Ramadhan yang mulia dan pernuh dengan keberkatan ini, marilah kita sama-sama meningkatkan amal ibadah dan ganjaran yang tersedia yang melimpah ruah.

Semoga amal ibadah kita diterima. Insya-Allah.

Freaky...

2006-09-17T15:38:00.000+08:00

When being asked when will I tie the knot, I would always reply that I would love to tie the knot as soon as I find a suitable candidate. And I'd say that if husbands or boyfriends could be bought at Pasar Malams like 3 for RM10 or the more expensive ones with more quality, 1 for RM 50, I'd have no problem in buying a husband.

But yesterday, when this fruit staller started to count my tahi lalat as I was choosing the fruits from his stall and then kind of went on imagining how many were there on other parts of my body, and then asking for my phone number, I freaked out. That's weird. I paid for the fruits and refused politely to give my phone number to him and went on my way to other stalls.

Was it just my imagination or just by coincident that my answers to friends is kind of turning out to be true?

When Training Fires Up Your Spirit...

2006-09-04T15:45:00.000+08:00

Last Wednesday, I was somewhat demotivated by some incidents in the office. I really chose to change my style. I thought that it was the time to change since I have done everything to make everything fall into place. But it doesn't seem to work. And I feel like giving up.

On 31st of August, I had to work just to finish the minute of the meeting held on Wednesday since on Friday - the next day, I had a seminar to attend in Penang. And I was somewhat looking forward to go as it was some kind of a break for me and giving me time to relax and replenish my spirits after it was shattered on Wednesday. So, I finished up the report and minute and went back to pack my things.

To make things worse, I kind of missed my flight to Penang the next day. I guess that my mind was elsewhere and not that focused. My spirits was still down and my mood was a bit distracted. And the cause - I had to pay the penalty to change flights. There goes RM75. But I guess I was numb inside. So, I just had no feelings at all.

Everything else went as accordingly but due to missing my flight, I also missed the transportation provided by the organizers of the seminar which means I had to pay myself. Well, that's what happens when your mind is elsewhere and something is bothering you.

Okay, during the seminar, my mind kind of sparked and started working. Not that I am saying that when I work, my mind sleeps. But it doesn't function like it used to. Like the critical thinking and inquisitivity. I miss being the person who would raise up questions that were kind of rebellious types disagreeing with the points given. Not to say that I am rebellious, but it seems that we can't just absorb everything in one gulp. Sometimes we have to make our minds work a bit. As I have read once, when you work up your mind, you will enhance the life of the brain.

I did enjoy the seminar. I mean what more can you learn if not by sharing your experiences with one another right? Names like Prof. Ibrahim Ahmad Bajunid whom I have never met and only reading his columns in the papers, Stephen Healy - MD of Active Minds and the VC of USM himself with ideas that made me think critically of what I have contributed to my employer.

Being an administrator in the education industry sometimes make people underestimate your workload and sometimes your stand and position among the academicians just because you don't have the title as Professor or Dr. If you are not born with the talent to speak and persuade others, your thoughts might just go to the waste bin.

Some leaders or managers are born with the talent to talk and do their work efficiently. But these kind are quite rare. Some are only capable of talking, persuading and giving brilliant ideas. And some are just good at planning and working behind the scenes without highlighting what has been done by them. And the rest, just commenting and criticizing other people's work without knowing that they did nothing to contribute but just empty talk. Well, people are born that way. I am neither the perfect manager nor the brilliant talker. I just do what I can in the most perfect way I can.

In social aspects, some tend to seek popularity. Some tend to just mingle with the normal social circle. And some just like to be the lone ranger. I would put myself in the second category. But I do expand my circle of friends. The problem is when to start, I get a bit nervous and usually think of what people may think about me - especially the negative thoughts.

Am I too self- concious? Probably. Inferiority feeling? I guess so. But I am trying to put all those feelings aside. I am taking a step forward in improving myself in what ever way that I can.

Back to the seminar, 95% of the participants are administrators in the education industry. I can say that all of them are officers. But the participants behind me does not act like officers. They acted more like school drop outs. Sorry to say but when in a seminar like that, people would like to learn and listen and not divert their attention to you sms-ing other people with the beeping sound from your keypad that irritates and bugs your concentration. Be considerate. I know that the particular participants were from Univerisiti Utara Malaysia - which I am the alumni of. Sadly to say, when people hear that one is from UUM which is known as the management university where graduates tend to be looked up when coming to managing a company etc, people expect that you know how to carry yourself. I mean UUM is like a training center for managers. So, behave like one. I pledged to myself that I would blog about those guys in the seminar and reveal where they are from.

I did learn a lot from this seminar. And sharing experiences and getting to know your peers from other institutions is a plus added advantage. You get to widen your circle of friends and start networking with them. And the best part, there are lots of cute guys to meet. Hehehe.. just wish that I had the courage to do what she did. :)

Mawi & Ina vs Siti Nurhaliza & Datuk K = None of the mentioned

2006-08-29T08:33:00.000+08:00

Last night, people around me has been discussing which TV channel that they would be tuning to. RTM1 and Astro Ria (for those with the Astro decoder) vs TV3.

Yesterday I felt that the entertainment business had some strategy going on in getting the most viewers to get shoot up their ratings. I mean the reception of Siti Nurhaliza and Datuk K was aired on TV3 and the exclusive interview of Mawi and his ex-fiance - Ina on RTM1 and also Astro Ria.

Well, for me, neither did I watched till the end. I concentrated on my favourite Korean drama aired on 8TV. Only during commercial breaks did I flip the channels between Astro Ria and TV3 - where I would focus more on the wedding than the so-called exclusive interview.

The wedding of the century was not up to my level of expectation. Firstly the sponsored gowns and dresses. I am not saying that Malaysian designers are not good, it's just that I felt that they were no where to compete with what Erra Fazira wore on her day (even if at that time was a bit daring with the too low-cut dress). The baju kurung for the nikah ceremony was nice but not that grand. It was simple and sweet and forgettable. So was the dress for the bersanding ceremony. It was nice but a bit too often seen. And the tiara - oh my God! Don't get me started. It is so not you Siti.

And the worse part - the wedding gown for the cake cutting ceremony. I really laughed at the sight of the gown. It seemed like Siti was a clown at a circus! I know that Siti might have some guidelines for her gown like no low cut and showing off her assets, but the gown was horrendous! No offense here, but I am writing down my own thoughts.

The live telecast somewhat had problems with the lighting I guess. All the people looked very gloomy and so did their make-up. Siti looked too pale on TV and it was as if the make-up artist was very stingy with colours. At first I thought that that was the reason Siti looked like that. But when the reporters on duty looked more or less the same but slightly better, I knew that it had something to do with the lighting.

Oh, another thing. Siti's hair during the bersanding ceremony was somewhat unappropriate. It made her look 5 years older than her age. Something like a Ratu Jamu from Indonesia would look like.

Okay, enough about Siti's ceremony. RTM1 and Astro Ria aired the exclusive interview about the break-up between Mawi and Ina.

Firstly, I really pity both of them. Their story should be to themselves only. But it seems here that it has become the agenda of the Malaysians. Men - who would stand behind Ina's point of view would pin point the fault to Mawi whereas ladies would do vice versa.

The point is that problems occur two ways - especially in a realionship. During the engagement, old folks say that this is the toughest part. This is where they would be tested and know the true colours of their partners.

Okay, let's say that both are at fault. Mawi, being a singer knows how to manipulate the questions thrown by Aznil. But Ina, I feel that they have taken advantage of her. I don't know what she is thinking about by revealing her true feelings, but it somewhat makes her look like she is the one who wants this interview and clear her name but makes it worse by making her look like a bit cheapa
and an idiot (I know it sounds too harsh but I do think that she looked like an idiot). She is too naive for the entertainment world. People would take advantage of her naiveness.

I wouldn't blame her totally. I would say that this has something to do with people who are greedy and never think about other people's feeling. I would have wanted Ina to just answer the question thrown by Rosyam with a smile and make people think that all the rumours out there are totally wrong. I mean like standing up for herself with her chin held high and show that she accepts what has happened with no hard feelings. That can be played on her face if she has the experience eventhough inside, she is really hurting.

Well, I guess that's it. I never know what really happened since I was more interested in my Korean series and House rather than these two. But I know a bit here and there during the flipping channels session.

Happy 1st Birthday Daniel...

2006-08-27T10:25:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I was invited to attend my collegue's son's birthday party. He's turning one. And that was the first time I drove with other colleagues to her house.

Upon arriving, we kind of had problems getting Faisal - Salwa's son to tag along since he was sleeping in the car and we had to wake him up when we arrived. He kind of squatted in front of Daniel's house and cried. Salwa tried to console him and he then just got up, still crying though and went in Raz's house (Daniel's mommy). Once inside, he just stopped crying and started playing.

Muhammad Daniel Hadif - the birthday boy. See how cheeky he is?

The house was full of balloons, toys, babies and also adults. I was really amazed with the beautiful decorations for Daniel's first birthday party. I searched the room for the birthday boy but he was no where in sight. I asked Raz about the where abouts of Daniel. Raz told me that the birthday boy is asleep. And he hasn't even cut the cake! Must be too exhausted and excited seeing so many people and faces.

We sat there looking at babies and mommies from fotopages and I did have my 'partner' with me. I knew that I'd be snapping pics at this kind of event. But because I am not the member of mommies and babies fotopages (you know why right - it's obvious that I am not a mommy and I don't have baby), I was a bit shy in snapping shots. I just sat back enjoying the food and enjoying the giggles, laughs and cries of the babies there while waiting for the birthday boy to cut the cake. But as I was just sitting there, I couldn't stand it. I had to take those gorgeous pics of babies everywhere and the surrounding was extremely beautiful. I mean with balloons, toys and like a mini playground - you know the one at theme parks or shopping complexes that have children's playland, it was indeed beautiful.

I started to take pics of babies and their mothers were sporting. I mean they don't even mind me taking their babies pics. But by the time I started to have the courage of taking pics, most of the babies have gone home. Anyway, I did get some snaps of the babies. I will upload them here later.

Anyway, the cheeky birthday boy woke up and I did get a few shots of him. As usual, he'd put up his blur face when I want to take his pics. He'd ignore me and my camera. Sooo cheekyla this boy. He was handsome in his little suit with the little red bow. Writing this only reminded me of how cute he was yesterday and I feel like wanting to cubit-cubit his cheeks.

Mommy Raz with her pumpkin pie - Daniel

Anyway, thanks Raz for inviting us and for holding a wonderful party for Daniel. The food was superb, eventhough I did not have room in my tummy to taste all that was served. I really enjoyed the party. And Daniel the cheeky birthday boy, Happy 1st Birthday!

Wedding of the century

2006-08-21T13:03:00.000+08:00

I'll just post these exclusive pics and let the pics say it all. I'll update my entry later. Complete photos of the ceremony can be found here.

Siti with a big smile waiting to be officially announced as Mrs. Khalid Jiwa

Siti receiving the dowry of RM22,222.00 from Dato' Khalid.

Courtesy of TV3's live telecast of the nikah ceremony.

~ @->-- ~

School holidays are back again. The route to the office will be slightly smooth even at the peak time. And another thing that is back - wedding invitations.

Last weekend I had 3 invitations to attend - 2 of them on behalf of my parents, which I declined on going with my mum and another was from a colleague whose son tied the knot. I attended that kenduri with another single female colleague.

While waiting for the newly weds to arrive, we sat at a corner and just about 5 minutes, the kompang was being played announcing the arrival of the bride and groom. My colleague suddenly turned to me and asked me... " tak sebak ke tengok pengantin berarak? Eid sebak la.." I smiled and said yes, I do feel an uneasy, saddish feeling in my gut. Especially seeing my juniors - younger than me tying the knot where as I am still single and have no clue at all when my time will arrive.

Seeing Siti Nurhaliza at the nikah ceremony once again invited the uneasy feeling inside my heart. I had always dreamt of the wedding gown and the dais and sometimes smell the bunga rampai even in my dreams!

I have always been asked why am I not married at this age - which I see is quite common nowadays for a woman to still be single due her to carreer and saving up money as well as property for her own self. But I'd ask the person again, is there any normal woman who does not want to get married?

Everyone wants a family of their own right? It's just the about the time and the person to share our life with. Not all women are demanding but one thing for sure, we'd like our men to support us in every single way possible especially when it comes to feelings. We'd like men to accept us as who we are and not by molding us into someone else. We would like to have a shoulder to cry on when we need one. A soulmate who understands us and can make us feel secure during our insecurity. And mostly, a man who can give the unconditional love.

Well, I guess Siti Nurhaliza has found all that in Datuk Khalid. Congratulations to Siti and Datuk K. May this marriage brings joy and happiness and last until eternity.

And I now have to find a new excuse when my mum or aunts ask me when my time will arrive. Previously, I'd answer with.." Nasha Aziz yang cun melecun tu pun belum kawin, Siti pun belum, so, takpela... tak payah risau lagi" . But now, I have to find another excuse since Nasha Aziz is engaged with a photographer and Siti has already tied the knot. Haiiyyaa.. how aaa??

A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That...

2006-08-06T17:21:00.000+08:00

A Little Bit About Akademi Fantasia

I have been buried under tonnes of work and pressure this past few months. Finally, all of it will come to an end - soon I hope. Just waiting for the right moment to enjoy my holidays which I have been planning to go but don't know when yet.

A lot has happened in my daily life. Some may be boring and some maybe just so-and-so to people. But these things really left a great impact on my beliefs and vision.

First and foremost, AF4. I still want to be in the list of commenters about AF4. I have been really into AF since the first season. This season is just so plain dull. I miss the AF1 and AF2 contestants. Their purity and originality really made the viewers - especially me hooked to the daily recaps and the blogging world every single day. There's nothing wrong with the contestants, maybe just the production. No comment about that here since I am considered as blind in this industry. But one thing for sure, maybe I have grown out of it.

Faizal winning this season really was not a big surprise. All 5 finalists have their own credibility. But I guess because of his pureness and humbleness made people vote for him.

Farhan was stunning with Spain. I actually wanted more from her for the single. But I guess it never did happen. It is not totally her fault, but the composer's as well.

Lotter really can entertain people but his vocals were not that strong though. But I guess in a competition like this, that is not a big issue. People and viewers vote through their personality in this event and not on talent only.

Velvet was so and so but I really pity her wardrobe for the concert. She seems to be a fashion victim or in other words, the clown of the concert. The designers for this season is lacking of ideas I think. But one thing for sure, the wardrobe for AF2 was the most superb.

Haziq really showed his capability in singing asli songs. He really nailed it but missed a note at a small part. This boy can really sing well in asli songs despite his age.

Well, congratulations to all 5 finalists.

~%~

A Little Bit About Women Rules

The announcement in papers regarding the next Vice Chancellor of UKM showed people that women nowadays have the power. I guess it is obvious here that sometimes women too can lead. Women can be a strict boss, lenient boss or emotional. Speaking by experience, we seldom make decisions by using the emotional guidance. But sometimes under a lot of stress and during 'that' time of month, the decision made is sometimes influenced by emotions.

Being a lady boss is not easy. You are managing male staffs who sometimes underestimate your capability in being the boss. I really hate those who never respect women as leaders especially your own staff. But as what has been said, you have to earn respects from others. It does not come naturally.

Sometimes lady bosses are being labeled as being to fussy and detailed or emotional. People relate the way of the leadership of lady bosses has something to do with her personal life. Lady bosses who are fussy are always being related to being either a perfectionist or an old maid. Hahaha... I think it is mainly because these people have no lives other than work related things.

Well, let's just leave it to them to decide.

~%~

A Little About My Life

Being me is not easy. Well, anyone can claim that right? But one thing for sure that I always have to console my feelings deep down. I guess it's normal - for me at least.

I have problems in spilling out my problems to people - even my friends let alone my family. LL - out of my reach nowadays. Nothing more can be done. Let him be my past. Just someone that had once touched my heart- in a way. I just can not stand to be hurt. And I don't think I deserve to be hurt like that.

I was somewhat awaken by a comment from a close friend of the truth that I denied for a long time. That comment really made me think hard about this. And with that, I chose to let LL go for good.

Why?

Aku ingin menjadi mimpi indah dalam tidurmu
Aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yang mungkin bisa kau rindu
Karena langkah merapuh tanpa dirimu

Those three lines of the song Dealova was once what I felt about LL. But now...

Karena hati telah letih

But I will survive and I feel 1000 times stronger than before. As in the second part of this entry, it is all about the girl power!!!

Because I'm a Girl...

2006-07-12T16:33:00.000+08:00

I have watched this video sometime ago in Myspace but I never paid attention to the song and the video. But today, after 'bumping' into this video again, I kind of fell in love with the tune and the storyline. Oh my God, this video is sooo romantic and has a sad ending.

So, I browsed the web to find the lyrics and the translation. And it is a sad song. I mean, it made me cry just watching the video and I cried harder when I understood the lyrics!

Well, I'd like to share the video and the song with you guys. Eventhough some of the translated lyrics are not that accurate due to the translation, but I guess you guys can understand it. Enjoy!!!

KISS - Because I'm a Girl
LYRICS
Dodeche ar suga obso namjadurui maum
wonhar ten onjego da juni ije tonande
ironjog choumirago nonun thugbyorhadanun
gu marur midosso negen hengbogiosso
marur haji guresso nega shirhojyoda go
nunchiga obnun nan nur bochegiman hesso
norur yoghamyonsodo manhi guriurgoya
sarangi jonbuin nanun yojainika
modungor swibge da jumyon gumbang shirhjungnenunge
namjara durosso thollin mar gathjin anha
dashinun sogji anhuri maum mogo bojiman
todashi sarange munojinunge yoja ya
marur haji guresso nega shirhojyodago
nunchiga obnun nan nur boche giman hesso
norur yoghamyonsodo manhi guriurgoya
sarangi jonbuin nanun yojainika
[narration] Onur urin heojyosso budi hengbogharago
noboda johun sarammannagir barandago
nodo darun namjarang togathe nar saranghanda go marhanten onjego
sorjighi na nega jar doenungo shirho
naboda yepun yoja manna hengboghage jar sarmyon otohge
guroda nar jongmar ijoborimyon otohge
nan irohge himdunde himduro juggenunde
ajigdo nor nomu saranghanunde
sarangur wihesoramyon modun da har su inun
yojaui chaghan bonnungur iyong hajinun marajwo
hanyojaro theona sarangbadgo sanunge
irohge himdurgo oryourjur mollasso
norur yoghamyonsodo manhi guriurgoya
sarangi jonbuin nanun yojainika

Translation:

I just cant understand the hearts of men
they tell you they want you and then they leave you
this is the first time, you're special
I believed those words and I was so happy
you should have told me you didn't like me any more
but I couldn't see that and you just rushed me
although I will curse you I'll still miss you
since I am a girl, to whom love is everything
I heard that if you give up things too easily
to a man, he will get bored with you
I don't think this is wrong
a girl says that she will never be fooled again
but she will fall in love again
you should have told me you didn't like me any more
but I couldn't see that and you just rushed me
although I will curse you I'll still miss you
since I am a girl, to whom love is everything
[narration]Hey babe the pain
it's not enough to describe how I feel
we were so happy together
but I know now
I've been blind
you told me that you'd never let me down
whenever I needed you you'd always be here
I can forgive but I cant forget
even though you hurt me
I still love you
I still love you
don't take advantage of a girl's willingness to do anything for love
I didn't know that to be born as a girl and to be loved was so hard
although I will curse you I'll still miss you
since I am a girl, to whom love is everything
although I will curse you I'll still miss you
since I am a girl, to whom love is everything
Narration : (Guy, only in the music video)
There's someone I'm in love with...
Although I can't be with her now...
I'm still in love with her...

*Lyrics credit to geocities.com/lilxsugaxbabi/kiss.html

Rock + Dangdut = I Am So In Love With Indonesian Music

2006-07-11T16:25:00.000+08:00

My friends say that I am pathetic. But I can't help it. I really love the popular Indonesian songs these days. I have been like this since the Mungkin Nanti by Peterpan, followed by Radja's first album. Now I am hooked with Ungu's Demi Waktu (it has been playing over and over in my pc for the past month and also my mp3 player) plus the new Dewa 19's hit song sang by Amirul in the last AF's concert - Sedang Ingin Bercinta. I really love the part where this lady (don't know who she is) sings the song like a dangdut version of the song. I am so in love with these songs man!

Demi Waktu - Ungu

aku yang tak pernah bisa lupakan dirinya
yang kini hadir diantara kita
namun ku.. menepis bayangmu
yang slama ini temani hidupku

maafkan aku menduakan cintamu
berat rasa hatiku tinggalkan dirinya
dan demi waktu yang bergulir di sampingmu
maafkanlah diriku sepenuh hatimu
seandainya bila ku bisa memilih

kalau saja waktu itu ku tak jumpa dirinya
mungkin semua tak kan seperti ini
dirimu dan dirinya kini ada di hatiku
membawa aku dalam kehancuran

Sedang Ingin Bercinta - Dewa 19

Setiap ada kamu mengapa jantungku
Berdetak lebih kencang
Seperti genderang mau perang
Setiap ada kamu mengapa darahku
Mengalir lebih cepat dari ujung kaki ke ujung kepala
Setiap ada kamu otakku berpikir
Bagaimana caranya untuk berdua bersama kamu
Aku sedang ingin bercinta
Karena mungkin ada kamu disini
Aku ingin…

One thing is that this week, Faizal AF4 will sing another favourite song of mine - Dealova from Once. This really made me remember a friend from the blogging world that I lost and miss deeply. The last entry that she published in her blog was this song. I miss her especially her ramblings eventhough we did not have any chance in meeting face to face. Semoga roh Emy ditempatkan bersama-sama golongan orang beriman. Amin. Al- fatihah.

Happy Birthday Javard!!!

2006-07-02T16:16:00.000+08:00

Chocolate banana to celebrate?

Javard - The cool dude

Happy birthday Javard the cool dude. Today is your birthday right? May this year be filled with joy, happiness and success. Stay cool and stay happening man.

When women talk about World Cup...

2006-06-26T11:38:00.000+08:00

During my teenage years, I would always wonder why boys love football. It's not that I don't like to watch the matches but I would not be that fanatic and wake up in the middle of the night just watch the matches and sacrifice my precious beauty sleep!

But I guess being addicted to football sometimes makes people change. World Cup 2002 really did that to me. Everyday, I would rush back from the office to watch the live matches since the time difference between Japan, Korea and Malaysia are only one hour apart.

This year, I don't mind sacrificing my sleep at all just to watch the matches. Even my dad and mum are a bit puzzled seeing their daughter watching matches and neglecting my one time favourite show - Akademi Fantasia just to watch football! What can I say, I really love the sport.

It's not about seeing cute players chasing a ball but the skills and their mission - to score a goal. Some may say that women only like to watch football because of the cute hunks playing for a team. To me, cute or handsome, that is just a plus. But I really love their skills on the field that sends adrenaline rushing inside of me.

At home, I watch the matches alone or with my dad. The problem is that I can't yell out loud cheering the team that I support. This has nothing to do about my dad scolding me or what-so-ever, but my dad just doesn't show his enthusiasm when watching and I'd feel awkward cheering and being over excited.

I remember the tense of having to control myself while watching MyTeam vs Malaysia at a big sreen in Port Dickson. But I did let out a few shouts here and there when I forgot about being the gadis melayu terakhir. Hehe..

My favourite players would be Micheal Ballack, Miroslav Klose, David Beckham, David Villa, Hidetoshi Nakata, Ahn Jung Hwan, Oliver Kahn, Bobadilla, Messi, Ronaldinho, Kaka and Tevez to name a few. These guys really have skills man!

In the early stages of the game, I predicted Brazil would win the cup and the first runner up would be Germany followed by England. But after watching the first round, I think that I'd change the prediction. Brazil played a laid back game and kind of missed out all the actions and played safe. Germany played tremendously superb in all the games. And England kind of like struggled to win each game. Every beautiful kicks by Beckham never did get the finishing touch needed for a goal. So I'd say that Germany would win the cup this year since it is their advantage in playing in their own country. First runner up would be Brazil and followed by England.

But one thing here, eventhough I really love football and would wake up at 3am to watch the match if my favourite team plays in it, I still can't understand what off-side is and spot it in a second. How pathetic right? ;-)

I Have Sinned

2006-06-06T18:01:00.000+08:00

Dear my beloved and loyal readers (as if I have),

I have a confession to make and I need some opinion from you guys to help me sort things out. Even though I have to make my own decision, but I really want to know your opinion on this matter.

Lately, my mood has been down the drain. I feel like I have no mood and do not feel at all motivated to do my work. I don't know what caused it but I guess from an incident that happened quite sometime ago.

Last Saturday, I have committed a sin. I planned to go to the office to settle my unfinished tasks that has been mounting on my desk. But at the same time, I felt that I needed rest. That morning at 8.00 am, I received a call from a colleague stating that she needed the keys for the meeting room. I am in charge for all the keys in the office and my room is locked. Therefor, I had to go to the office.

I kind of dragged myself and said to myself that I might as well settle the unfinished business that I had in mind but reluctantly wanted to do on a weekend. So, as I arrived, I saw that the meeting room was already opened.

I kind of sat down and changed my mind again. I think that I wanted to go back home and enjoy the weekend. But a colleague from another department called and wanted to pass something to the committee that was having the meeting. I waited for her and talked to the other colleagues that were doing overtime about the monthly assembly next Monday. The last assembly that was held, I had to prepare the powerpoint and it was given by my immediate boss. So, I asked the colleague if this time there was a presentation involved. She said that my boss looked for me (after office hours and I was already heading back since I was really exhausted - Thank God!) to prepare the presentation. In my head, I said, ooppss.. another task waiting and urgently needed. The thing is that I hate last minute tasks that could have been planned earlier. That is one thing that I pantang!

So, as I met the colleague that wanted to pass me the thing for the meeting, I spotted my boss. Yikes.. boss is here. I better save myself! I handed the document to another colleague and wanted to go back but the realized that my handbag, car keys and handphone were in my room! Going to my room meant that I had to cross my boss' room! At that time, I already heard that she was looking for me!

I made up my mind that I had to escape. I hid under a desk at the office and heard her searching for me and she even wondered where I was since my car is parked at the porch! I hid under the desk and even fell asleep under the desk! I came out at lunch time (about 2 hours after the incident) and I made up my mind to collect my things and head back. As I was walking towards my room, I bumped into my boss and she had a serious look on her face. She was also heading home. I guess she left the presentation to someone else.

The following Monday, she was still serious. I heard that one of my colleagues told her that I hid under the desk on Saturday and she kind of wondered why I did that. That was one version of the story. There are 2-3 versions of the story but to make it short, she's pissed off about me hiding on Saturday.

Let me clear this out. I never had the intention to hide in the first place. But I am guilty as charged to hide on that day. I had other plans to do - organize and finish my OVERDUE work. And I just can not bear another task on my desk since I know that it was last minute. I hate people who don't plan ahead their work. I have a target to meet here and if that task gets in my way, I'd never meet the target I set.

Secondly, I do not claim any overtime nor unrecorded leaves. So, I do not understand why she is so pissed off with me as claimed?

Thirdly, of all these while, I have never said no to any last minute tasks she drops on my desk at the last minute even if I have to stay back at the office alone until 9pm and get a lecture from my parents about not being able to plan and organize my work. Does she know that? NO. And does she care? I don't think so.

And now, I see that colleagues that are quite close to me also gets this I-want-to-eat-you-up stare and get scolded on small matters. I really pity them and I even say that do not have any contact with me what-so-ever when she is in sight.

So, I need to know what should I do now. A colleague told me to apologize but what should I say? Sorry that I hid from you on Saturday? Or maybe just ignore the fact that she's pissed off and act normal? Please, I beg for your opinion.

What If....

2006-05-31T15:10:00.000+08:00

Here I stand alone
With this weight upon my heart
And it will not go away
In my head I keep on looking back
Right back to the start
Wondering what it was that made you change

Well I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know

Many roads to take
Some to joy
Some to heart-ache
Anyone can lose their way
And if I said that we could turn it back
Right back to the start
Would you take the chance and make the change

Do you think how it would have been sometimes
Do you pray that I'd never left your side

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know

If only we could turn the hands of time
If I could take you back would you still be mine

'Cos I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keep on spinning in my mind

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
What if I had never walked away
'Cos I still love you more than I can say
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
We'll never know

This song by Kate Winslet has been in my head for quite sometime. I love the lyrics as if it is what I have been wondering for these past days. The first time I heard this song was from WTL's blog. I fell in love with this song instantly. And now, I am wondering about the lyrics. A story that I see and somewhat know clearly. *Sigh*

Held My Head High

2006-05-19T13:05:00.000+08:00

Remember the post saying that I had a big test coming last Saturday? Well guess what, after weeks and weeks of sobbing and crying, I managed to pull through the big test and held my head high throughout the test. It was unbelievable. After the test, I managed to laugh and joke around and said that I never imagined that it would turn out to be not bad at all.

Maybe some of you might be wondering what test that I had to face, but one thing for sure, it kind of felt like the first obstacle to a mid-life crisis. Mid-life crisis? I guess more to the early stages of life's crisis. Never have I imagined that one could easily change and be more independent after facing obstacles and manage to get through.

One thing for sure, I am truly proud of myself.

On a lighter note, after facing the test and managed to get through, I kind of celebrated the victory by attending my classmate's wedding in Malacca. It was a beautiful wedding and finding the place wasn't that hard. The groom was my classmate from form 4 to form 5 and the bride was our junior.

The bride was superbly beautiful and had a resemblance to Nurul Alis, the newscaster from RTM 1. The groom was tall and handsome and they really made a stunning couple.
Anyway, congratulations to both of you - Che' Lon and Anne. Semoga kekal bahagia hingga ke akhir hayat.

p/s: Jangan marah ye saya publish gambar kawin you guys. More to come at my fotopages.

A Lost Felt

2006-05-17T12:14:00.000+08:00

I know that I may be late in publishing this entry. But I was on leave the last 2 days and I was shocked to receive the news of Emy yesterday. Emy had passed away.

Emy was one of the first blogger friends that I had. We met at Y's blog and also Javard's blog to share our opinion and views especially about AF. Another memory that I have about her is the shared opinion about Mencari Cinta. I'd call her up or sms her about contestants that got the boot. I remember her favourite was Daniel.

We never met but she seemed like a close friend to me. I remember her calling me while I was in Perlis for my high school reunion and thought of meeting up but I was in a hurry. So, the next time she was in KL, we tried to fix a date but unfortunately I had to go to PD for a seminar.

Her lost is truly felt and if I had known sooner, I would have paid a visit to her family on Monday since I was up north again.

Semoga roh Emy ditempatkan bersama-sama orang beriman. Alfatihah.

Mixed emotions.. again

2006-05-12T10:29:00.000+08:00

I came back from Langkawi with memories. I really enjoyed the trip but at the same time, I was still feeling down and sad. I know that I have been trying to cover up my feelings and it did help at the time. But when I am alone again, I would feel insecured and extremely sad that I would break down and cry.

The holiday somewhat made me leave behind those feelings. I was really hoping to go and sit by the beach watching the sunset and feel as though I would be leaving the feelings and burden behind as if the sun setting is taking all the things away. I never did had the chance to watch the sunset at the beach. But I got a more spectacular view of the sun setting from the top of Bukit Mat Cincang. The view was spectacular and it mesmerized me. At least, getting down from the Cable Car, I felt a big burden and most of the pain that I have been keeping inside my heart drift away.

The mesmerizing sunset from the top of Bukit Mat Cincang

On that same night, I managed to spend 3 hours (at midnight) by the beach with a couple of friends. I sat there admiring the stars and the waves. I sat there alone trying to leave all my feelings behind. Even people around me wanted me to talk about it, spill the pain and hurt in my heart, but I just could not say anything. So, the best way was to leave it all behind and let it go by just letting the waves 'hypnotize' me.

Eventhough I kind of left all my problems and feelings behind at the mountain top and the beach, once I reached my room, I still could not sleep. I tossed around and managed to sleep at 4am! I woke up again at 6.30 am. But I felt energetic even with a little sleep.

I enjoyed the trip to the end and the best part was singing a duet with someone during the karaokeing session and after that, I just could not let go of the microphone!

Well, one thing for sure, I enjoyed every bit of the trip. And I really loved the support and kindness people around me showered me while I was trying to forget the pain especially that person - my best friend. A million thanks to all of you guys for the support and love - you know who you are.

Well, I guess I am going to start fresh here. And this song kind of reminds me of the new, fresh start.

Mulanya Di Sini

Tibanya di sini
Bagai terulang lagi
Kisah yang indah
Antara kita berdua
Sehingga di sini
Tiada berpaling lagi
Kita berteman
Seiring jalan dan sehaluan
Sama sama menjejak mimpi
Sama sama mencari dan menanti
Segalanya direstui cinta sejati
Sama sama gunung didaki
Sama sama turun ke lembah sepi
Suka duka bersama dirasai
Mulanya di sini
Ku kenali dirimu
Sehingga kini
Sehingga ke akhir waktu
Akhirnya di sini
Ku kenali hatimu
Sehingga kini
Kita akan terus berlagu
Sama sama menjejak mimpi
Sama sama mencari dan menanti
Segalanya direstui cinta sejati
Sama sama gunung didaki
Sama sama turun ke lembah sepi
Suka duka bersama dirasai
Di hadapan kita ada jalan
Menuju di kejauhan ada sinar menanti
Di penghujung perjalanan ini
Oh... sambil bernyanyi
Mendendang senandung yang syahdu
Riangnya hati dan indah duniaku
Sama sama menjejak mimpi
Sama sama mencari dan menanti
Segalanya direstui cinta sejati
Sama sama gunung didaki
Sama sama turun ke lembah sepi
Suka duka bersama dirasai

I hope I can still stay strong especially tomorrow - the big test for me. Wish me luck!

p/s: More pics of Langkawi here.

Butterflies in my stomach...

2006-04-26T12:46:00.000+08:00

Have you ever had this feeling? I mean you feel like there are butterflies in your stomach and at the same time it gives you a tingling feeling and makes you feel very happy? I mean when you have butterflies in your stomach, how can you feel happy right? But that is what I am feeling today. I have had this feeling since Monday and it keeps getting stronger and stronger.

Actually there is this incident that happened on Monday making me feel like this. But I just still don't get it. I mean, it's weird but it's making me laugh suddenly and I know the cause but can't tell. People around me here think that I have maybe lost my mind. He..he.. whatever.

This Friday I'll be on my way to Langkawi. Can't wait to go shopping!

Oh by the way, I took this test at Tickle.com. Maybe this explains my personality.

Black
Your color is black. The color of night. Serene and mysterious, black conjures up images of elegant evening gowns, dashing tuxedos, and gleaming limousines. Traditionally a symbol of success, black also represents power and an uncompromising demand for perfection. Not surprisingly, you tend to set challenging goals for yourself and do whatever it takes to achieve them — your strength of character is second to none. This unfaltering determination, along with your natural elegance, impresses people. But keep in mind that your personality might be intimidating to some. Try to temper your demanding side with a little softness — trust us, it won't kill you. Overall, though, black is the color of professionalism and achievement, which means it's clearly the color for you.

How Could I Have Forgotten?

2006-04-15T15:02:00.000+08:00

Under extreme pressure and tonnes of work, one sometimes forget the best thing in life. One might also forget to take life one day at a time. This happened to me recently (actually this always happen to me but I seem to ignore the signs).

Last Thursday, I came across a friend which has been almost a year I have not seen - Javard, the cool dude. We actually work at the same place but different department. Near and yet far (by the way, when are we going to have our pengat session ha? Hopefully before July eh? ;-) ). We exchanged news and thoughts. Then it suddenly hit me. I have been keeping busy all the time and I seem to have forgotten my friends and their whereabouts.

Seeing J that afternoon suddenly made me miss my friends. All of them. I'd remember taking leave from work just to have an ice-cream session with them or go to the album launching for a friend and just simply having lunch together. I mean just getting together and spending time together. Like there was this one time where I drove to Mid Valley just to have lunch with a couple of friends on a work day (all the way from Bangi!) and had to rush back just for a meeting at 2.45 pm!

Okay, enough about the friend thing. That evening, I went to watch the intervarsity football match. Being there at 5.00pm sharp, I realize that I have missed so much of watching football matches. I love sitting at the end of the field with the breeze of fresh air while watching people playing football. I miss the excitement and the joy of giving support and ranting the kind of cheerleading songs. That evening, I really enjoyed myself and I did not care of being seen as a fanatic supporter for the team I rooted for even while I was still in my baju kurung!

Well, I guess now that I have realized all those things that I missed in my life. And my life is not only being buried by tonnes of work but other things as well.

Credits Deserved

2006-04-07T11:52:00.000+08:00

I went home yesterday and stumbled across an article in the Wednesday's paper. As a friend, I am truly happy for his success because I know that all the ads in the radio really touch our hearts. Here's the article.

Kuala Lumpur Berita Harian 29.3.2006. Int Badrul Hisham, Cherly dan Hoe. Gambar Oleh Surianie Mohd Hanif

Congratulations Bro! You deserve the recognition.

Totally Exhausted

2006-04-05T14:59:00.000+08:00

After all the hectic weeks and tonnes of work, today I kind of feel the exhaustion. My eyelids seem to be finding a way to be glued. The air condition in my room here make my eyes 10 times heavier. And I just can't seem to make my eyes to open.

I have been working so hard the past few weeks which I know I really like the thrill and the rush of adrenaline it gives me. But I guess I need some time to rest now. I was at the office yesterday until 2.30 am. Luckily I had a couple of people accompanying me here. And the best part was that even my office has 7 male colleagues, only 1 would show up and stay back. If he does not have any transportation, he'd find a way to come. No wonder I sayang him. Other colleagues would be jealous if I defend him or give him gifts which are slightly expensive than the rest. I mean this should not happen because if I ask for others to help, they'd make faces and give lame excuses. But he would just say I'll try to make it and he always make it. So, what more can they be jealous of? I mean it's not that I have any favouritism in asking for help or giving gifts. But one thing for sure, I know that he can do it and is willing to sacrifice his weekends and nights at the mamak stall watching football and yesterday he was fighting to stay awake to accompany the me and another female colleague. I even told him that if he was tired, just sleep on the couch and we'll wake him up once we're finished. But he still stayed awake helping out. So by giving small tokens or gifts, I show my appreciation.

Another incident that made me exhausted today was seeing someone with someone else and having a great time. I mean I am stressed out and seeing other people happy makes me exhausted and jealous. Well, I guess I'd better head back home before I fall asleep in front of my monitor due to being extremely exhausted. So, adios!